My Limp and What it Means, or
Why "That Man is Walking so Funny!"
“So, what happened to your legs?”

“Why do you walk like that?”

I’ve heard those questions more than once. But, for reasons I can understand, most people who are curious about me simply stare. It’s a natural reaction to look at something out of the ordinary, whether it be physical peculiarity or physical beauty, so it’s natural for people to look at me while I’m walking. After all, it’s not every day you see someone as handsome as I am.

Okay, okay, I’m just kidding. I know quite well why people look at me. And if you’ve seen me walk, then you also know that people look because I am not like all the other reindeer. That is because of something called Cerebral Palsy (CP). Because most people have no idea what CP is, I’ll try to explain it. And because this isn’t a medical journal and I am not a medical doctor, I will keep the explanation simple and brief, so that even I can understand it.

Cerebral palsy is, as you might have guessed from the first half of the name, a developmental failure of the brain. It can be caused by a lack of blood or oxygen. The outward symptoms of CP range everywhere from a slight limp to a complete lack of bodily control. Severe forms can be accompanied by other problems, like mental retardation. The form of CP that most people seem to know is the most severe, where the affected person has no real control over his body.

You might be surprised to learn that the son of former Michigan football great Anthony Carter has CP. He has come to at least one Michigan game to sign autographs to raise money for the Anthony Carter Jr. Cerebral Palsy Foundation, which he started to help families deal with the high cost of caring for children with severe CP. As you might have guessed, Anthony Carter Jr. has a severe form of CP.

There was also a movie made for a cable network about a door-to-door salesman with CP. His was such that one arm and one leg were affected, and his speech was slurred. But even with his difficulties, he became a successful salesman. The movie is based on a true story; it starts in the 1950s and follows him into the late ‘90s. The movie’s title is Door to Door, and it stars William H. Macy as Bill Porter. It has been released on DVD, and it is an excellent movie.

Now, with those examples in mind, let me tell you that my form of CP is quite mild. Only my legs are affected, so all I have is a slight limp. And, really, that’s about it. Simply put, anything not named “leg” works just fine. My arms are fine, my voice isn’t affected, and my mind works pretty well, as far as I know. As far as I’m concerned, I have it pretty easy. (Often, when I make that statement, people are a little surprised.)

But the purpose of this is not to discuss only the physical causes and effects. Since people’s curiosity often goes deeper than that, I also want to get into my life with CP.

When someone asks me what it’s like, or how life is different, I find it just slightly difficult to satisfactorily answer. I can explain how it affects me and what I am able to do, but since I was born this way, I have no comparison to use. I don’t know what it’s like to walk without a limp, so I’m not exactly sure how much life is different with a limp. But I describe what I can.

The first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I draw attention by doing nothing more than walking. After all, to quote Door to Door, “I walk like a drunken sailor.” This is nothing new; it’s been happening ever since I learned to walk. But I am not really a person who enjoys being in the spotlight. I still am not sure if that aspect of my personality always existed, or if that developed as time went on and I knew people were looking. But, either way, I am happiest when I can be inconspicuous in the middle of a group. So knowing I am drawing attention just walking down the street isn’t particularly appealing to me. For those who have seen my Michigan gameday uniform, consider this: when I’m walking to the stadium, I can never be sure if my uniform first drew their attention, or if they first looked at my limp. I know they both attract attention, but I can’t be sure which one people first notice.

As well, when I’m walking somewhere, I tire more quickly. But don’t misunderstand me; I can walk a fair distance. I’ll be breathing heavily when I get there, but I can do it. For instance, my typical walk to the stadium on a football Saturday is probably around six blocks. When I get back to the car after the game, I’m usually exhausted, but I’ve been making that walk for a few years now. And there is an upside to this: I do qualify for a handicapped parking permit. If you’ve ever parked in Ann Arbor, you know what a great thing that can be – or what a frustrating thing it can be if you don’t have one.

I also have somewhat bad balance. I’m not constantly tipping over; otherwise I would use a cane or a walker. But I am often just slightly off-balance. My sense of balance is such that I never could learn to ride a two-wheeled bicycle. When I’m walking up or down stairs, it’s best that there is a handrail within reach; even though I don’t always need one, I feel more comfortable if I know it’s there. And since I use my arms to keep my balance whether or not I’m holding on to something, walking is slightly more difficult when I’m carrying one object with both hands. But, again, though it is more difficult, it is most assuredly far from impossible.

Along with those small negatives, there are many positives. Despite my lower endurance, as I noted, I can still walk fair distances, and I think I am a reasonably active person. And despite my poor balance, I learned to downhill ski – and skiing is now one of my favorite activities. This coming ski season (2003-2004) will be my fourth year of skiing, and I actually feel more comfortable and confident on the ski slopes than I do most other places. And not only did I learn to drive with no unusual difficulty, but I also learned to drive a stick shift. In fact, I prefer to drive a stick shift – it’s just more fun that way.

So despite my minor physical difficulties, God has blessed me with the ability to do more than most people expect when they first see me wobbling down the sidewalk. This, I believe, is partially due to the fact that God put me with three very active brothers who often encouraged me to be active along with them. I wouldn’t have necessarily snoozed in a recliner my whole childhood had I not been part of a large active family, but I am confident that growing up in such a family was of great benefit to me.

I want to conclude with what I think is most important. I know many people might look at something like CP as a mistake, or a defect, like I just happened to be the wrong baby at the wrong time. But as a Christian, I can’t view it that way. I know my body does not operate exactly how the human body was designed to operate; but since I know God and I know that God formed me precisely as He wanted me, I know my body operates exactly the way He designed it to operate. I suppose that medically speaking, I am broken, but know that I am not a mistake, and I am not defective. Because God is sovereign over all, I can know that I am this way for more reason than just that I was the wrong baby at the wrong time. As if to drive home to me that I am here like this for a reason, God saw fit to have me delivered by the doctor who was at the time the head of abortions at U of M Hospital. He took a man whose job was to abort the unborn and instead used him to bring me into the world. So I may not fully understand the reason now or ever, but I can be confident that He has a reason and that He will see Himself glorified through what many see as an error – perhaps even because many see it as an error.

And through these circumstances in which God has placed me, I can live my life with heaven in view. When my thoroughly imperfect body wears out, I know I can look forward to the day that I will no longer limp or stumble. And I know that when that day comes, all of this will be the last thing on my mind, from that day into all eternity.

“Those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.”
Isaiah 40:31 (NASB)