Pregnant woman. “Lose 30 lbs. the easy way” headline.
Insert your own joke here.
(Thanks to Krieger for the tip.)
Monthly Archives: February 2007
Photo of the Variable Time Period, vol. 71
Crowd control means using both vocal cords (02 February 2007).
The Dexter student section exercises its lungs during the Dreadnaughts’ fourth-quarter comeback against Chelsea. Even with their vociferous support, the comeback fell short: Chelsea won 58-53.
Photo of the Variable Time Period, vol. 70
Please sir, would you kindly miss this free throw? (02 February 2007)
The Dexter student section does its best to distract Chelsea’s Adam Connell from making a free throw. Despite their best efforts, and despite a late Dexter comeback, Chelsea won 58-53.
iTooths
Hasbro has introduced a new toothbrush aimed at children. To encourage kids to brush for the oft-recommended two minutes, the toothbrush plays two minutes of music from artists such as Kelly Clarkson, Queen, Hilary Duff and Black Eyed Peas.
But there’s a twist. It doesn’t just play music through a small tinny speaker. No, it takes a different approach: it pipes the music through the very teeth it brushes.
This can mean only one thing: Apple will soon announce the iPod Molar. Gigabytes of music in your mouth, available in porcelain, gold and stainless steel. Talk to your Apple-Certified dentist to see if the iPod Molar is right for you.
If necessary, read it twice
For the enrichment of our vocabulary, behold, a phrase that should be used more often:
Tube light [toob lahyt] (noun):
An individual who, upon hearing a joke, requires a moment to comprehend the joke. A reference to fluorescent lights, which pause and flicker for a moment before producing full light.
I am free money
And if you can back up that claim, you’ll be very popular indeed.