Earlier this week, I visited the ski slopes for the first time this season. That makes this the perfect time to air my frustrations with the habits of some of my fellow slope dwellers.
Before I go further, let me specify: I do not dislike all snowboarders. There are plenty that I do like. In fact, I would even consider marrying a snowboarder. (Well, that’s another subject.) Some of my frustrations involve snowboarders, but I am not exasperated with snowboarders as a whole. Just the exasperating ones.
(If you are reading this blog and you are a snowboarder, there is a good chance you are not exasperating. If you are reading this and you are a single female snowboarder, let’s have dinner.)
Anyway. On to the original topic.
My snow-loving friends:
- Please don’t sit in the middle of a run. I’m not talking about sitting at the top of a run, or at the bottom of a run, or even on the edge of a run; I’m definitely not talking about the time it takes to get back on your feet after a fall. I’m talking about being perfectly capable of regaining your feet and moving down the hill, but instead choosing to sit in the middle of everything and chat with friends. Or watch them make that sick 6-inch jump off that random lump of snow. Or whatever. There’s no need to act like a human slalom pole. The lanes are for driving; the shoulders and rest areas are for stopped vehicles. (This is often a snowboarder habit, but by no means is it exclusive to snowboarders.)
- Please, snowboarders, free your foot before you get in the lift line. There’s no need to get in line and then cause any delays, no matter how brief, because you need to get your foot out of the binding. (Obviously, this is exclusive to snowboarders.)
- More universally, if you’re not ready to get on the lift, then maybe it’s not a good idea to get in line. It is not courteous to get in line and then stop and tell everyone to go around you because you’re waiting for your spouse/siblings/best friend/potential-laden acquaintance to ride the lift with you. (This crosses all party lines. If you have family or friends, you are susceptible to this.)
I know there must be more complaints out there. Use the comment box to express them.
(Yes, that means you, too, snowboarders.)
I have decided that snowboarders will forever sit in the middle of runs. So I stoop to their level of irresponsibility and try to ski as close to them as I can, perhaps spraying them with a bit of snow, if they are small in number and age. It satisfies that desire for vengeance, while at the same time giving a thrill. Almost like “The Most Dangerous” game on skis. Without the killing. And the innocent party isn’t innocent.
So I say, please, plant yourself in the middle of runs. I prefer a nice staggered pattern.
And to answer your request for other complaints:
People who look like they’re trying to ski pretty. Just ski! No one is at the bottom, judging you on your form.
Parents who take their 8 month old child out on a blue hill, in some harness thing, with the child snow plowing the whole way down. If your child can’t control himself, maybe take the harness off and go to a bunny hill? Or better yet, go sledding this year, and wait to ski until your child has a little more coordination?
Groups of people splitting up to use the singles line, when they aren’t really singles.
You know, I do the boarders-as-slalom-poles thing sometimes. It really is satisfying.
I did see a few pretty skiers at Boyne over Christmas. It never fails to amaze me.
Your mention of the harness kids on harder slopes makes me think of another irritation: the boarders who scrape their way down the run, removing the snow and just leaving ice. (I’ve seen them called butter knives.)