A week or two ago, I received a piece of junk email. In and of itself, this is not an unusual event; junk email is like a runny nose: there’s always more. But this particular piece of junk … well, let’s put it this way: if the people in charge of D-Day were as accurate as this particular spammer, the troops would have landed in Rhode Island.

Those of you who know me are familiar with the shape of my body; for those who don’t know me, I think health care professionals call it “string bean.” According to the BMI scale, I hover on the edge of being underweight; to make my watch fit my wrist, I had to remove every removable link and move the clasp as far as possible. Once, when I declined to join my father in ordering food at a deli, the owner looked at me and said, in his thick accent, “Are you sure? You need some meat on your bones!”

In summary: I am lightweight and portable.

With that context, imagine my laughter when this email invaded my inbox.

Hi, I hate to be the one to mention this, but people continue to talk about your weight issue and it just disgusts me. Whether you know it by now, people are always chattering about each other at work but you come up more than enough. I wasn’t the happiest or best-fit up until a year ago or so but that did change. Thanks to my dam brother-in-law(of all people). Anyhow, it was for the best.

What I am saying is that you need to do something different and maybe you can make the same difference I did. Try this stuff I used. I took it on the idea it’s just more junk but it worked great. I see more positive reviews on it nowadays and makes me feel even better. So, I am encouraging a change, not only in the chatter around here but in you personally.
-Anonymous for now
Using an anonymous email website to send this btw;)
When it helps/works just send a memo out with the name “Angel” in it. Then you can take me out to lunch to thank you. Talk to you sooner than later I hope;)

(If you know the source of the post title, you get 10 extra cool points. If you don’t, order Brian Regan’s DVD.)