1)The victim was airlifted to the nearest OfficeMax for emergency treatment
Lawrence, KS seems to be an odd town.  Small-town police blotters tend to be amusing; Lawrence proved that larger towns can be funny, too.  From the 04 October blotter:

“Lawrence police responded to the 100 block of Indian Avenue around 3:40 p.m. Tuesday after a 22-year-old Lawrence man allegedly hit another man in the head with a metal tape dispenser.

“The man was eventually arrested on suspicion of aggravated battery.”

Officers at the scene said the victim was fortunate his assailant was not carrying a loaded stapler.

They expect to have no problems making the charges stick, since the whole event was caught on tape.

2)Also, it’s great for grilling at a tailgate
There is a new vehicle anti-theft device in South Africa: a flamethrower.  It produces a fireball tall enough to engulf any thief … yet it is neither damaging to a car’s paint nor lethal to humans.  Apparently it simply blinds the would-be car thief.  And it’s only around $650.  And “it has yet to be deemed illegal.”

The bad news?  It doesn’t shoot flames out the back of the car to convince impatient drivers to back off.