Recently I visited my brother in Albuquerque, a city whose name I wasn’t really sure how to spell until…just recently. I did take some photos with my serious camera, but I didn’t take too many because I was, you know, on vacation and all. But I did make good use of my iPhone.

Rather than endure airports and airplanes and all that nonsense, we decided to enjoy more of this grand nation by driving from the Mitten to the…uh…Big Square With A Growth. This would involve two days of driving rather than a few hours of flying, but it would also involve 100% fewer security checkpoints and significantly more personal space during the trip.

However, there was one significant drawback:

That’s when we started driving. That means I had to be out of bed when the time started with a 5 and ended with an a.m. That’s disgusting. I might dislike early mornings more than I dislike weddings. If you know me at all, you know that’s really saying something. If you’re not sleeping in the early morning hours, you’re doing it all wrong. I was doing it all wrong that morning.

The morning was uneventful, largely because I managed to spend several hours sleeping. When it was time for lunch, we happened upon some of the most refreshing refreshment known to man:

If you haven’t had A&W root beer in a frosty mug, you haven’t lived.

Some time later, we saw America’s largest magnet, on loan from Chuck Norris.

I don’t know what it’s stuck to, but it’s stuck there until Chuck Norris decides he wants it back.

Midway through Missouri, we stopped for gas at a truck stop in Cuba, MO. What does the truck stop in Cuba, MO sell?

That’s right: the truck stop in Cuba, MO sells cigars. They’re Cuban, but they’re not Cuban.

The truck stop also sold something very familiar to many of us from southeastern Michigan:

Those are Uncle Ray’s potato chips, straight from Detroit. I didn’t buy one to see if it came with free marijuana inside — seriously, click that link — but it was nice to see a Michigan product on the shelves.

We stopped for the night in Joplin. When we got on the road again (FAR TOO EARLY) the next morning, the world around us had vanished.

The world reappeared shortly after we crossed into Texas. That must mean something.

The rest of that day was uneventful until, at a gas station in Texas, I saw one of the wordiest warning signs ever created.

If you’re on a mobile device or something and the sign is too small to read, here’s the full text:

UNAUTHORIZED VEHICLES PARKED IN DESIGNATED ACCESSIBLE SPACES NOT DISPLAYING DISTINGUISHING PLACARDS OR SPECIAL LICENSE PLATES ISSUED FOR PERSONS WITH DISABILITIES WILL BE FINED MINIMUM $250

Many Blue Wheelchair Man signs don’t even have warning signs anymore, probably because nearly everybody knows what they mean. Even if they do have warning signs, they’re typically small signs that list the minimum fine associated with the offense. But this sign? Oh, this sign left nothing to chance, which is why the warning sign is larger than the Blue Wheelchair Man sign it’s accompanying!

In an effort to encourage efficient communication, I have a suggestion for a superior warning sign. Instead of using so many words, how about this brief but informative message:

NO PERMIT, NO PARKING
YOU PARK WITHOUT PERMIT, YOU PAY [amount]

If that’s still too long, here’s an even more succinct message:

NOT A CRIPPLE? PARK ELSEWHERE OR PAY UP

Anyway. That was the last photo-worthy sight I saw before we made it to Albuquerque that evening. The next post will feature pictures of snakes and rocks and other charming Southwestern things.

Recently my camera and I took a week-long trip to southern Idaho to visit the western division of the Strong family; I returned with plenty of photographs … and a much greater appreciation for trees.  If you haven’t already read them, you can see the previous day’s adventures here.

Who knew static could be so impressive?

On Tuesday we got a chance to visit Mountain Home Air Force Base, which, if you’re not certain, is an Air Force base that is located on the outskirts of Mountain Home.  Like every other Air Force base, MHAFB includes what those In The Know would call a static display.  Much to the dismay of everybody who loves rubbing a balloon on the carpet and holding it over somebody else’s hair, a static display doesn’t feature anything that will make your hair stand on end (unless you have an unusually vivid imagination and a strangely overpowering fear of combat aircraft, in which case you probably shouldn’t be near an Air Force base in the first place); instead, it’s a display of retired aircraft that appear ready to pounce, except that jets don’t really pounce, especially when they’re attached to large concrete pedestals that aren’t really conducive to flight.

While we were looking at the static display, our attention was diverted by the decidedly dynamic display of several fighter jets taking off from the nearby runway.  It’s one thing to see jets flying at an air show, but it’s something else altogether to see jets taking off from an active Air Force base; it’s much more meaningful.

Chelsea: taking over the nation, one oven at a time

While on base, we made a stop at the base’s grocery store — what those In The Know would call the commissary — to fill a few food needs.  When we got to the end of one of the aisles, we were pleased to find another familiar sight from home:

Yes, it seems you can’t go anywhere without finding Chelsea’s most famous export: Jiffy Mixes.

Click it or lick it

Later that day, we decided to drive into the mountains north of Mountain Home.  As we were headed out of town, we found ourselves behind a vehicle whose cargo reminded us we were in Idaho, which is less urban and more relaxed than southeastern Michigan.

We were behind that truck for several miles, and the dogs seemed to be enjoying every bit of the ride.

They’re not kidding about the Mountain part of Mountain Home

The canine limousine turned off the main road after a while, but we kept going.  We didn’t have a specific destination in mind; we just wanted to drive into the mountains to see what we could see.  And my oh my, there was plenty to see.

After driving through the mountains for a while, we encountered a scenic overlook where we could pull off the road and overlook the scenery; when we got out of the van, it was cold and windy and absolutely gorgeous.

Granny decided to get a little closer to the scenery…

…And Malachi liked that idea.

Local wildlife is always so fascinating

On our way up into the mountains, we passed a road sign we don’t see in the Ann Arbor area; when we headed back out of the mountains, I made sure to have my camera ready to capture the sign.  And we happened to pass the sign at just the right moment to see the reason for its presence:

What, are you surprised?  Did you think board games just appeared in your game closet?  Wild board games were roaming the earth long before you had a game closet, and obviously, they still populate the western landscape.

Come back soon for the next installment of the Famous Potato Diaries, which will feature the western Michigan coastline, but without the Michigan or the coastline.

Recently my camera and I took a week-long trip to southern Idaho to visit the western division of the Strong family; I returned with plenty of photographs … and a much greater appreciation for trees.

If You Ever Want To See Your Trip Alive Again, Leave The Bag At The Counter, Fly To Minneapolis And Wait At Gate C1 For Further Instructions

Our flight to Boise left Detroit at 6:30 Saturday morning.  If that sounds like a bad idea, let me assure you: unless you’re the morningest morning person on earth, it really is.  (Just as nothing good happens after midnight, so, I propose, nothing good happens before 9:00 in the morning.)  I set my alarm for 3:45, and while I know I started walking around with my eyes open at that time, I don’t think I woke up until Monday morning.

For some strange reason Boise isn’t a primary destination from Detroit, so we had to make a stop in Minnesota before the airline would let us go where we really wanted to go.  Flying with layovers reminds me of those convoluted ransom delivery sequences in kidnap movies where the kidnappers lead the deliverer through a variety of steps to make sure he’s not dragging the authorities along with him.  Board this flight in Detroit and take it to Minnesota; wait two hours, and then board this flight and take it to Boise.  When we landed in Boise, I almost expected to find a phone booth with a map and further instructions taped to the bottom of the phone.

Ah, but the layover in Minneapolis had a tasty bright spot in it.  Our departure gate was C1, which turned out to be halfway across the airport — which, while very nice, is also somewhat not small — from our arrival gate, but which also turned out to have the best possible amenity directly next door:

Yes, there was a Starbucks right next to our gate.  After having stumbled out of bed seemingly before I even went to bed, this was a supremely welcome sight.  (Even better: there were bathrooms on the other side of the Starbucks.)  I suppose the layover situation could have gotten better, maybe with an incontinent ATM leaking $20 bills in our direction or Steve Jobs walking by handing out free computers and iPods, but that wasn’t likely (mainly because the only thing Apple hands out free is a pound of AWESOME with every product).

While we were waiting at the magical gate C1, I learned two important things from the Minneapolis airport:

1. Best Buy has vending machines.  Seriously, they do.  I understand the importance of snack vending machines — I’ve been hungry enough to need a quick candy bar to avert real problems — but an electronics vending machine?  Maybe gadgets are becoming a bit too important to us if we have immediate needs that call for a vending machine.
2. It seems Minnesota has been experiencing an epidemic of giant babies.  I noticed this warning label on the baby changing station in the bathroom:

I suppose that could be an average-size baby falling off a very small changing table; however, the changing table didn’t seem smaller than normal, so I can conclude only that they’ve had problems with parents trying to put giant babies on the changing tables.  (Also … are those sparks flying from the giant baby’s head?)

I’ve Heard Of A Paperless Office, But … A Paperless State?

Our final destination wasn’t Boise; it was Mountain Home, which is about half an hour outside Boise.  The drive to Mountain Home gave us a quick introduction to one of the biggest differences between Michigan and southern Idaho: Michigan has trees.  A lot of trees.  I mean, they’re all over the place, casting shade and looking majestic and keeping birds from going homeless and providing delicious syrup and whatnot.  You really can’t go anywhere without having trees around you in Michigan.  But Idaho?

Yes, the southern Idaho landscape can be a major shock to the system of lifelong Midwesterners who are used to a daily dose of ubiquitous leafy greens.  But as the above photo shows, it’s beautiful in an entirely different way.  The green tree-filled Midwestern landscape will always feel like home to me, but I enjoy experiencing something different, and the views surrounding Boise are different indeed … particularly when it comes to those huge chunks of dirt and rock jutting up from the ground.  What are those called?  Mountains?  Yeah, those are cool.

Come back soon for the next installment of the Famous Potato Diaries, which will feature more pictures to offset all the blahblahblah.