JV: d. Tecumseh 28-14; 2-1 (1-1 SEC)
Freshmen: tied Tecumseh 48-48; 1-1-1 (0-1-1 SEC)

Chelsea Varsity Football 2007 record: 3-0 (2-0 SEC)

John Hillaker is staring into your soul. And tackling it in the backfield.

Sure, they’re quiet now, but it won’t last.

Earlier this decade, Tecumseh football was enjoying a period of success that occurred largely due to a series of two superlative athletes. But as they are prone to do, the Studly Stud McStudersons expended their high school eligibility — I would say McStudersons are prone to graduate, but Jim Harbaugh might yell at me — and moved on to other pursuits. Without those talents to light up the scoreboard, Tecumseh football began a slide that eventually sent the football coach out the door.

Fortunately for the black and orange, the arrival of a new coach signaled the start of a new chapter in Tecumseh football this season. Unfortunately for photographers, videographers and almost everyone else who enjoys being able to follow a football game, the new coach installed an overwhelmingly high schoolesque offensive scheme that hearkens back to the days when the forward pass was an act of rebellion. Those of you familiar with high school football likely are familiar with the scheme: it features one quarterback (who functions as more of a football vending machine than anything else), three running backs, five offensive linemen and two tight ends. And no wide receivers. Ever. (Unless one of the tight ends happens to be particularly oversized and has good hands. But I think that’s a different sort of wide.)

For comparison, if transferred to a hasty Photoshop diagram, on any given play, Chelsea’s offense might look something like this:

Meanwhile, on pretty much every play, the Tecumseh offense looks a lot like this:

With infrequent exceptions, offensive plays from this scheme tend to follow this progression:

1. The center snaps the ball.
2. The quarterback turns around and waves the ball at each of the three running backs.
3. One of the running backs actually takes the ball and almost immediately makes a sharp turn into the offensive line and disappears in a cocoon that, since it consists of both offensive and defensive players, is at once protective and harmful. (Metaphysically-inclined football players struggle in this offense, since they tend to be distracted by that delicious contradiction.)
4. The cocoon moves three to five yards down the field and stops, at which point the officials, who are desperately trying to see anything other than a mass of bodies, blow the whistle under the assumption that the ball carrier either is down or has been consumed by ravenous linemen. Either way, the play is over, so blowing it dead is the safe move.
5. Rinse. Repeat.

Most exceptions occur when the offense executes a play that is actually designed to send the ball carrier to the mysterious land beyond the tight ends, and a few exceptions even happen to involve that nifty forward pass thing the kids are all talking about nowadays, but most plays end with a pile of 22 players in the middle of the field. Unless something goes horribly right (or wrong, depending on your perspective), in which case the pile of 22 players ends up in the wilderness outside the hash marks.

This offense has its advantages, one of which is that defensive players not in possession of x-ray vision — so, you know, all of them — may have a hard time seeing who has the ball, so they are in danger of tackling players who aren’t carrying the ball. (Aside from being obnoxious, this also gets to be a bit taxing.) Of course, this offense also has its disadvantages, one of which is that the most realistically successful options for third and 15 all involve punting. (In the CFL, that joke wouldn’t be funny. Look out for those goalposts! They’re in the end zone!)

Chelsea football players do not have a fear of commitment.

Was I lying on the ground? Yes. Why? I don’t remember.

Last Friday, Tecumseh brought its ploddingly thrilling new offense to the new Jerry Niehaus turf with the intent of pulling an upset the likes of which the football world hasn’t seen since the last two Saturdays. (Don’t throw things at me; I’m a Michigan fan.) And for a while, it seemed the Indians might have the chance to do just that. Chelsea’s offense moved up and down the field with the usual greatest of ease, but Tecumseh managed to find the end zone at the same rate; at one point, the score was an uncomfortably close 14-12, with Tecumseh’s complete and utter lack of a kicking game — every touchdown was followed by a two-point attempt — providing the meager two-point lead. The assumption was that Chelsea would eventually build a comfortable margin, but … well, you know, [cynical Michigan football comment].

Jason Kolokithas will fight to the death to protect the ball carrier. Your death.

Michael Roberts feels the rain on his skin. No one else can feel it for him.

Kyle Raymond opens for no one. Not even sesame.

No, Jeff Adams will not give you a hug. He has an urgent appointment with the end zone.

John Mann speaks during the turf dedication ceremony.

Oh, they grow up so fast!

To the delight of Chelsea loyalists, that assumption actually proved to be correct; Tecumseh’s side of the scoreboard stayed static for a good long time, while Chelsea’s side remained happily dynamic. Not long after Tecumseh narrowed the deficit to two, Chelsea quarterback Jeff Adams once again lofted a deep pass into the waiting arms of Chris Schmelz, who, like Dash from The Incredibles, occasionally forgets to conceal his superhuman speed and finds himself running past entire defenses full of slow-footed mortals; Schmelz, of course, took the pass to the end zone to increase Chelsea’s lead to nine. The Chelsea offense went on to reduce coach Brad Bush’s stress level even more: Nick Hill and Adams both scored to pad the lead to a considerably more comfortable 35-12, and the game was practically over.

You dare lay a hand on Chris Schmelz? No, your hand is not fast enough.

Of course, “practically over” is not the same as “actually over,” a point Tecumseh did its best to illustrate by never giving up and never surrendering. After some mildly uninspiring play from the Bulldogs — including a lost fumble on the first play of a drive — and an Indian touchdown that wasn’t preceded by the typical ten-minute drive, the momentum was swinging back in Tecumseh’s direction, and the scoreboard displayed a somewhat less comfortable 35-20 Chelsea lead with far too much time left in the fourth quarter. But a Nick Hill touchdown — his fourth of the evening — pushed the lead to 41-20 and effectively sealed the victory for Chelsea. (Tecumseh did score another late touchdown, but it was not relevant to the game’s outcome.)

Taylor Hopkins (7) believes he can fly. He believes he can touch the sky.

Donny Riedel deigns to allow himself to be tackled, but only after a 10 yard gain.

Leftovers:

• Chelsea’s leading rusher has the last name of Hill; Tecumseh’s leading rusher has the last name of Hill; unsurprisingly, running backs named Hill scored six out of the ten touchdowns on Friday. Tecumseh’s Hill outgained Chelsea’s Hill 159 to 80, but the former also carried the ball 28 times for a per-carry average of 5.6, while the latter carried only six times for a per-carry average of 13.3. Also, Chelsea’s Hill scored four touchdowns (three rushing, one receiving), while Tecumseh’s Hill scored two. Since Tecumseh operates a thoroughly run-oriented offense, his high carry total is to be expected; still, 5.6ypc is a healthy average. For Chelsea, Hill’s workload and output were below normal, but his rate of scoring was more than healthy.

• Underscoring the runrunrunrunrunrunrunrun Tecumseh offense are the passing statistics: Tecumseh’s quarterback attempted only seven passes and completed four, while Adams attempted 20 and completed 11. However, Tecumseh’s completions were effective; the four completions went for 97 yards and a touchdown. Adams’ 11 completions went for 185 yards and two touchdowns.

• Perhaps most interesting are the total offensive output statistics: Tecumseh actually outgained Chelsea by 15 yards (391 to 376) and two first downs (15 to 13).

• An intermittent rain persisted through much of the first half of the game; it was less consistent than the rain during the Ypsi game, but it was enough to moisten everyone’s towelette. The rain stopped by halftime, but just a few minutes into the third quarter, the officials halted the game due to lightning. The voltage never struck too close to the field, but it was close enough that the delay lasted almost two hours. Fortunately, they were able to restart the game not too long after 10:00.

• Early in the third quarter, Chelsea’s Stu Mann went down with an injury. Injuries in and of themselves are not unusual, but from afar, this particular injury looked frighteningly serious; Mann did not appear to be moving at all for perhaps five minutes. Fortunately, it was not serious; Mann walked off the field under his own power and even came back to play the rest of the game after the lightning delay. But it is always terrifying to see a player who does not appear to be moving.

• The turf dedication ceremony occurred at halftime on Friday. It wasn’t complicated; all the donors gathered on the field, the man who spearheaded the fundraising effort gave a brief speech, and the players thanked the donors for their support of Chelsea football. I was hoping the donors would run a brief scrimmage, too, just to test the turf, but it was not in the plans. Maybe next time.

• Friday was also Future Bulldog night; all the seventh- and eighth-grade players were on the field for the pregame, and they received a bit of the spotlight at halftime.

• Thursday’s freshmen and JV games featured an officiating crew that had a propensity to blow whistles in the middle of plays for no real reason; I noticed two such instances, and I was later informed that there were a few more I missed. It certainly was a unique officiating philosophy. Does anyone out there know of a circumstance in which an official could actually stop a play? (I’m not talking about false start or other pre-snap dead ball penalties; these plays were stopped when the ball carrier was a few yards down the field and was not yet on the ground.)

• Full game gallery.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Maples of Adrian; the game is in Adrian on Friday at 7:00 PM.

JV: d. by Bedford 27-47; 1-1 (0-1 SEC)
Freshmen: d. by Bedford 13-29; 1-1 (0-1 SEC)

2007 Chelsea Varsity Football record: 2-0 (1-0 SEC)

Is Nick Avila really that big? Science has yet to answer that question.

For the players, the sign says “AESLEHC SGODLLUB.” Apparently that’s exciting.

Big Brothers are watching you. But only if you’re playing.

The new turf under the lights.

When the SEC reorganized after the departure of Pinckney and Milan, several new teams joined the conference; one of those teams was Bedford. I have always been wary of that school, but my wariness has nothing to do with their Kicking Mule mascot or their mildly nauseating Notre Dame fight song; no, I am wary of Bedford because of their all-too-distinct Ohio flavor. See, Bedford is located just a few miles north of the Ohio border, and when I travel there for football games, I begin to wonder if I didn’t accidentally drive too far south; between the red and gray uniforms on the field and the distressingly common Ohio State apparel in the stands — not to mention the occasional Ohio license plate in the parking lot — a trip to Bedford feels very much like a trip to Ohio, which is not a trip Michigan fans make for fun.

Bedford is a wrestling-crazed school, so over the last decade, their football teams have ranged from mildly competitive to not so competitive; since Chelsea’s teams have ranged from good to very good over the same time period, Bedford hasn’t managed to collect a victory over Chelsea at the varsity level. There have been a few years Bedford has put up a fight, but there have been other years that have been downright ugly. One of those ugly years occurred a few years ago, when Bedford provided one of my all-time favorite football sequences: thanks to a comedy of sacks and major penalties, the Kicking Mules managed to convert a first and goal into a fourth and goal from the 45 yard line. No kidding. It is the only time I can remember seeing a team forced to punt on fourth and goal.

This year, there was no fourth and goal from the 45, but that was primarily because the Bedford offense had trouble gaining even a single first down. In the first game on the new turf, the Chelsea defense smothered Bedford, holding the Kicking Mules to 13 yards and no first downs in the first half; by the end of the game, they managed to accumulate only seven first downs. In their first game, the Bedford offense had piled up yardage on the way to a victory, but the Chelsea defense wasn’t particularly interested in boosting Bedford’s 2007 offensive resume.

To show its gratitude for the defense’s hard work, the Chelsea offense scored four touchdowns on five first-half possessions; three were Nick Hill rushing touchdowns, and the other was a Jeff Adams touchdown pass. By the time the offense was done being excessively efficient, the game was well in hand for Chelsea; by halftime, every last trace of suspense was pounded to bits and mixed with the rubber pellets in the turf.

Under the watchful eyes of most of his coaches, Jeff Adams eludes a tackler.

Chris Schmelz made this leaping catch, but it was called back on a penalty.

In Chelsea, we like to keep our pants on. Here, Michael Lenneman works to maintain that standard.

Nick Hill laughs at your misguided attempts to tackle him.

That complete lack of suspense meant that everyone else got to play; Chelsea’s second teams got extensive playing time in the second half. And by “extensive,” I mean “all of it.” Backup quarterback Randy Cox got to attempt 16 passes (and complete 10 of them); backup running back Riley Feeney got to run free, as free as the wind blows for 70 yards; the backup defense got do all that fun stuff defenses get to do, like hit people and tackle ball carriers. And eventually, after the teams traded second-half touchdowns, Chelsea ambled off the field with a 34-7 victory.

Riley Feeney looks confused by the absence of defenders.

Leftovers:

• Three SEC schools now have turf fields: Pioneer, Saline and Chelsea. However, Chelsea is the only one of the three not to have permanent lines for other sports on the turf. Visually, it’s a relief; fields with lines for multiple sports are cluttered and considerably less appealing, and Chelsea is fortunate to be able to have only football markings on the field. However, if the field is needed for other sports, those sports are not out of luck: to add the necessary lines, there is a powder that can be applied to the turf and washed off after the event.

• Akel Marshall, the longtime voice of Chelsea football and basketball, has given up the microphone. High school sports fans encounter a wide range of announcers, from the not bad to the very bad; Chelsea fans have been fortunate to have Marshall’s consistent, evenhanded announcing for so many years. Thanks, Akel. (Now behind the football microphone is football stat guru Jason Morris. Thus far, he is proving to be a very capable successor.)

• Full game photo gallery.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Indians of Tecumseh; the game is in Chelsea on Friday at 7:00 PM. Also, the new turf will be dedicated.

JV: d. Ypsilanti 17-14; 1-0 (0-0 SEC)
Freshmen: d. Gibraltar Carlson 53-0; 1-0 (0-0 SEC)

Chelsea Varsity Football 2007 record: 1-0 (0-0 SEC)

For the third consecutive year, Chelsea opened its football season as a participant in the Big Day Prep Showdown at Eastern Michigan University. This year, on a mostly cloudy and thoroughly rainy Saturday morning, the Bulldogs faced head coach Brad Bush’s old school: Ypsilanti.

Early in the game, both teams struggled to gain yardage; Chelsea managed to come up with one big scoring play (a 68-yard run by Chris Schmelz), and shortly thereafter, Ypsilanti answered with a quick pass-dominated scoring drive of its own (capped by a 24-yard touchdown pass). But aside from those rare moments of offensive glory, defense reigned.

In fact, at one point, defense put a big scare into the Bulldogs. On a short-yardage play, Chelsea quarterback Jeff Adams ran a quarterback sneak. And it was going well until Adams’ midsection sneaked right into a big hit from Ypsi linebacker Quetzalcaoatl Carrasco, who regularly terrorizes not only opposing offensive players, but also stadium announcers and newspaper editors everywhere. Adams immediately crumpled to the ground and stopped moving; obviously, this caused significant concern among the Chelsea faithful.

Was I not sneaky enough, coach?

Fortunately, Adams was not injured; the collision with Carrasco only knocked the wind out of him. He walked off the field, and after sitting out one play, he returned with a steely determination never again to run upright into collisions with hard-hitting linebackers. Particularly those with names that would frighten spelling bee champions. But his steely determination did not immediately translate into more points, so Chelsea took an 8-7 deficit into halftime.

Chris Schmelz (left), here handing the ball to Nick Hill, started the scoring for Chelsea.

When the third quarter began, it looked to be more of the same; however, just a few minutes into the quarter, Ypsi’s Studly Stud McStuderson, Marvon Sanders — who, like a football Hank Azaria, plays a number of different positions (in Sanders’ case, five) — discovered that brushing twice a day with remarkable athletic talent does not prevent penalty flag decay. Thanks to a late hit on Chelsea’s Donny Riedel, Sanders received his second personal foul penalty of the game, and two such penalties is the limit. (He received his first for unnecessary post-whistle activities on Chelsea’s only kickoff of the first half.) So, not even halfway into the third quarter, Ypsi’s best player was done for the game.

Chelsea took immediate advantage of that gaping hole in the Purple Penalty Eaters’ lineup; two plays after Sanders’ premature exit, Adams lofted a 38-yard touchdown pass to Schmelz, who, it seems, had managed to recover from his previous touchdown enough to run past Ypsi’s abruptly Sandersless defensive secondary. (Normally, Sanders would have been on the field as a cornerback — one of his five positions — and with his level of talent, he almost certainly would have had a hand in that play.) One missed extra point later, Chelsea held a 13-8 lead.

Ah, but Sanders’ absence was not yet done toying with the Braves. He also happened to be the kick returner, and on the subsequent kickoff, his replacement committed a somewhat severe error in judgment: he caught the ball on the 1-yard line as his momentum was carrying him out of bounds. Had he let the ball go, there were two superior potential outcomes: either the ball would travel into the end zone, resulting in a touchback, or the ball would travel out of bounds, resulting in a Chelsea penalty. Instead, he caught it, and he gave his team the ball in a very difficult position.

When the Ypsi offense took the field in that difficult position, it, too, felt Sanders’ absence; he was their best receiver and their biggest offensive threat. And, given horrendous field position without its biggest weapon, the Ypsi offense failed to make a first down, thereby giving its punter the mildly stressful task of kicking from his own end zone.

Of course, even the punting unit went through Sanders withdrawal, and since he was the punter, the withdrawal was severe indeed. In an inexplicable move, the backup punter attempted to punt on the run; perhaps due to the three Chelsea defenders closely inspecting his wardrobe, his attempt morphed into innovative futility. The first half of his punt — dropping the ball — occurred without complication, but the second half of his punt — contacting the ball with his foot — never happened, and his punt turned into a fumble. As you might have guessed, the outcome didn’t favor the punter; Chelsea recovered the ball for another touchdown, and after another missed extra point, Chelsea held a 19-8 lead.

After that series of events, Ypsi lost all confidence and Chelsea lost all fear, and the game became a journey to an increasingly obvious outcome. Adams demonstrated a full recovery by running and throwing for a combined 158 yards; sophomore Nick Hill overcame a fairly quiet first half to accumulate 126 yards and a touchdown, as well as one thoroughly enjoyable leap over a fallen offensive lineman.

Jeff Adams (2), learning from his mistake, avoids a direct hit from Carrasco (11).

Nick Hill (32) runs like the wind. A short, powerful wind that cuts well and hits hard.

On the other side of the ball, Ypsi managed to make one more relevant threat, but the defense held them scoreless until garbage time late in the fourth quarter, giving Chelsea a 26-14 victory.

Taylor Hopkins (7), here defending the run, was on the receiving end of Sanders’ first penalty.

With the win, Chelsea improved to 2-1 in its three years of participating in the Showdown.

Leftovers:

• Sanders is, without a doubt, one of the best football players in the area, and when he was actually playing football, he was fun to watch. But it quickly became apparent that he has an attitude that is all too capable of overshadowing his outstanding physical talents, which is why he was fun to watch only when he was actually playing football. His (at least partially) attitude-driven ejection hurt his team in many ways, and if I am correctly informed, it will hurt his team again next week because the ejection will force him to sit out another game. (This is not unusual; soccer players who receive red cards must sit out a game, too.) He is a significant asset when he is simply playing football, but without changes in his attitude and behavior, he runs the risk of being just as much of a liability as he is an asset.

• Also on the inescapable subject of Sanders, attentive readers will note that I listed only four positions in the game narrative. His five positions are: wide receiver, cornerback, kick returner, punter, placekicker.

• For the first two years of the Showdown, Chelsea was given prime-time placement for its games against Novi; this year, Chelsea was given the 11:45 AM Saturday time slot. Having experienced both, I prefer the prime-time games.

• Nick Hill was named Chelsea’s MVP, and he accepted the award from former Detroit Lion Robert Porcher. I got the opportunity to shake Porcher’s hand after the game, and I can say without hesitation that Porcher is a lot bigger than I am. Also, he’s very pleasant.

• During the game, I made the enormously stupid mistake of climbing the stadium steps to get to the press box. Take it from me: there are a lot of steps. Just use the elevator.

• Full game photo gallery.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Kicking Mules of Temperance Bedford; the game is in Chelsea on Friday at 7:00 PM.

The grass is always greener when it’s … um … not grass (17 August 2007).

After encountering a few durability problems with the existing natural grass football field, Chelsea decided to install artificial turf from ProGrass. Unfortunately, there have been delays in the installation process, and the field may not be ready for the first JV home football game this Thursday. (From afar, the turf looks like it is in place, but it is only laying on the ground. That is why you can see wrinkles in the turf in some of the pictures.)

Personal note: I strongly prefer to see football played on natural grass; from that perspective, the new turf isn’t the Best News Ever. But sadly, for some reason, the grass wasn’t holding up anymore, and turf was the obvious solution.

Scheduling note: if the turf isn’t ready by Thursday, the JV game will be moved to Ypsilanti. (Thanks to the rain we’ve been getting, this is becoming quite likely.) And if the turf isn’t ready for the varsity home opener a week from Friday … well, there would be some severely unhappy people over on Freer Road (and probably at ProGrass, too).

(Full turf gallery.)

Okay, next time it’s for real (16 August 2007).

Last Thursday, Chelsea had its preseason football scrimmage with Haslett, Monroe Jefferson and Pinckney; because of delays in the installation of the artificial turf at Chelsea’s Jerry Niehaus Field, the scrimmage was moved to Eastern Michigan University.

Chelsea’s regular season begins Saturday morning (11:45) against Ypsilanti, also at EMU.

(Full scrimmage gallery.)