Freshmen: d. Dexter 46-7
JV: d. Dexter 40-0
Varsity 2009: 6-1 (4-1 SEC White)

Varsity 2008 vs. Dexter: 47-12w

Ah, Dexter.  Despite the town’s many similarities to Chelsea, its football prowess lags well behind that of its familiar neighbor.  Dexter High School has long struggled to field a consistently competitive football team; the Dreadnaughts have posted only one winning season in the past 20 years, that being a 5-4 season in 2005 achieved largely through the efforts of athletically creative quarterback Johnny Benjamin.  Thanks to those monumental struggles, the Bulldogs walked onto Dexter’s Al Ritt Field in possession of a 13-game rivalry winning streak — dating back to former Chelsea coach Gene LaFave’s final season — and an abundance of confidence that they would be able to defeat the 2-4 Dreadnaughts.

Who framed the Chelsea Bulldogs?

Paul Ulisse enjoys denying friend requests.

Just to be sure, Charlie Hess likes to point with both his hand and foot.

Though the football series seems to be in a medically-induced coma to prevent rivalry damage and inflammation of the ego, the schools’ overall rivalry is very heatedly sustained both by the neighboring towns’ close familiarity and by stirring competition in several other sports, including hockey, basketball, and new high school construction.  This means that while the football programs are miles apart competitively — Chelsea’s average margin of victory in the last 13 games is 26 points — the game still raises the collective dander of athletes on both sidelines: nobody wants to lose to that town.

This particular installation of the Chexter Series was complicated by one entirely uncontrollable factor: the weather.  Rain had been falling the entire day leading up to the game, and since Dexter remains as one of the few SEC schools that hasn’t yet installed artificial turf, the field promised to be approximately as durable (and exactly 100% less tasty) as Jello.  A 120-yard quagmire doesn’t hinder a good running game, but it does increase the chances for more unpredictable events — like turnovers — that can help keep the score closer than it should be.

Clearly, the Dexter defense knew it couldn’t catch Nick Hill.

Dexter, thy field is mud.

Jesse Forner was kung-fu fighting.

Dexter won the toss and decided to let Chelsea have the ball first, and as the rain continued, the Bulldogs responded with a 5-play drive in which every single play was a first down and the last play was a 17-yard Nick Hill touchdown run.  After the rivalry reared its head with offsetting personal foul penalties on the resulting kickoff, the Dreadnaughts fought back with…a punt.  But hey, they gained a first down before they had to punt, so it wasn’t all bad.  Still, it was mostly bad, and the mostly became more mostlied by a 78-yard Hill touchdown run on the very next play.  Yes, it certainly was mostly bad: five minutes into the game, Chelsea held a 12-0 lead, and Dexter held…one first down.

Unfortunately, sometimes the friend requests get through.

Conor Tait had to deal with a red Herring.

Don’t make Joe Tripodi stop this football game.

The Dreadnaughts’ offensive futility finally ended as they pierced the dark and mysterious veil of midfield, even advancing as far as Chelsea’s 15.  But fourth down proved to be too nefarious a nemesis for the Dreadnaughts, and they had to hand the ball back to the Bulldogs without the comfort of points.  Can you guess what happened next?  That’s right: Nick Hill carried the ball.  So did Jesse Forner and Chris Ballow.  Also, Brian Paulsen threw the ball.  And they all did so as part of a five-minute, 89-yard drive that extended into the second quarter and ended with — surprise! — a Hill touchdown four minutes into the second quarter.

Through much of the second quarter, the game settled into that familiar rhythm: Dexter punted and Chelsea scored, first on a 27-yard Hill run and then on a 13-yard Ballow run to make the score 33-0.  With time winding down in the half, Dexter interrupted the rhythm with another drive into Chelsea territory, but time, time, time, wasn’t on their side (no it wasn’t): the Dreadnaughts made it only to Chelsea’s 31 before halftime put an end to their grand ambitions.

Contrast +20

Evan Grau forgot to mind his manners.

“Hey!  Your posture could use some work!”

The second half began much the…wait, what?  Dexter scored?  Well, okay then.  A 15-yard penalty forced Chelsea to kick off from the 25, and Dexter took advantage of the resulting good field position by driving for a touchdown.  However, it quickly became obvious the Bulldogs had no intention of letting the Dreadnaughts back into the game: a brief 76-yard drive ended with a 50-yard Hill touchdown run.  After another same old same old Dexter drive, Brian Bazydlo scored Chelsea’s last touchdown of the game midway through the fourth quarter; the Dreadnaughts answered with a late touchdown, but it was only statistical foofaraw.  The last two minutes passed with no further excitement, and Chelsea closed the books on a 46-14 victory.

Odds & Ends

• With the win, Chelsea clinched its eleventh consecutive playoff berth.
• The rain ended by halftime, something the spectators appreciated more than the players because the field was already obliterated.

Next week
Chelsea faces the Pioneers of Pioneer; the game is in Chelsea at 7pm.