JV: d. by Dexter 14-6; 4-3 (3-3 SEC)
Freshmen: d. Dexter 41-20; 4-2-1 (3-2-1 SEC)

Chelsea Varsity Football 2007 record: 7-0 (6-0 SEC)

They’re big; he’s little.

When it comes to high school sports, we here in Chelsea love the Dexter Dreadnaughts. Of course, when I say “love,” I mean “never, ever want to lose to”; this is because Dexter functions as Chelsea’s Ohio State. (Did you notice how Chelsea is the local favorite and Dexter is the out-of-town enemy in that metaphor? I know what I’m doing here.) Many sporting events between the schools are a little bit more heated and a little bit more exciting; last year provided several outstanding examples of the ongoing rivalry. The final regular-season basketball game between the schools packed Dexter’s gym, and the crowd noise during the overtime thriller left my ears ringing; the hockey playoff game between the schools held the same sort of energy on a smaller scale, and it also went into overtime. Oh, and the schools met in the baseball playoffs, too; that game — also a nailbiter — drew another smaller but similarly excited crowd.

But even as Dexter athletics in general have flourished, the Dexter football program has not achieved that same level of success. Recent history has been particularly unkind to the Dreadnaughts; over the last ten years, as Chelsea has hit its stride, Dexter football has averaged under three wins per season. These struggles have translated into an 11-game streak of Chelsea victories (1996-2006), and that streak has made for a seemingly odd rivalry in which both schools still care about the games despite the fact that Dexter hasn’t beaten Chelsea in football since this year’s seniors were five or six years old.

Ah, but this is the beauty of high school sports rivalries: they can be bigger than just one sport. There may be a gap between the football programs, but on the whole, the Chelsea and Dexter athletic departments are close enough to perpetuate a rivalry. And multi-sport athletes only encourage the rivalry; each time they lose in one sport, they gain a greater determination to win in their next sport. That football player on the losing end wants to win in basketball or hockey; that basketball or hockey player on the losing end wants to win in baseball. Graduation brings an end to each individual cycle of defeat and determination, but there are always more athletes starting that cycle anew each year.

Fortunately for the football rivalry, Dexter football has started to show signs of life. This became abundantly clear last year when Dexter came within nine seconds of ending Chelsea’s winning streak; it took a Jeff Adams touchdown pass to Nate Schwarze to shock the prematurely exultant Dexter students and give Chelsea a narrow 33-29 victory. The close finish reminded Chelsea to take Dexter seriously — a necessary reminder after a string of particularly lopsided games — and it injected more life into the football side of the rivalry. In the light of that game, and because Dexter’s cartoony ship mascot bears some resemblance to the mighty Trogdor, this year’s meeting had all kinds of scary written all over it for the undefeated Bulldogs.

Brad Bush tells Jeff Adams he just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico.

Sam Birgy shall lay to waste all who dare interfere with Nick Hill.

Just like last week, the game started well for Chelsea. For much of the first half, the Chelsea defense took its usual anti-yardage stance, and the Chelsea offense took advantage of two generous Dexter turnovers to build a 14-0 lead. It wasn’t a gigantic lead, but with the way Dexter’s offense seemed to be struggling against Chelsea’s defense, it seemed substantial enough. But on the horizon was a less encouraging similarity to last week: a collapse late in the first half. A timely punt return put Dexter in position to score, and with only 23 seconds left in the first half, the Dreadnaughts cut Chelsea’s lead in half.

‘Cause we got a mighty convoy, rockin’ through the night.

Scott Naab, Jeff Adams and Nick Hill discuss Michigan’s economic struggles.

Much like fame, 14-point leads can be fleeting.

Last week’s halftime collapse resulted in an early second-half touchdown for Saline; as the teams took the field for the second half, the Chelsea faithful hoped that little tidbit of history would not repeat itself. But this week, though Chelsea’s halftime doldrums continued, they seemed to be new and improved doldrums — now with fewer points allowed! — that yielded only one Dexter field goal. That seemed to bring the team back to life and back to reality; at the end of an impressive drive, Chelsea answered Dexter’s adorable little field goal with a touchdown, and the lead was back to eleven. And while eleven is not as good as fourteen, it’s certainly better than four. And, of course, all of those numbers are better than negative numbers, which aren’t really numbers, but instead are cruel little Terrell Owenses performing touchdown celebrations on your hopes and dreams. In other words, it’s good to have the lead.

Stu Mann enjoys long walks on your quarterback.

Grant Fanning sends his love to the defense.

Even after that touchdown, the game wasn’t done being interesting. Not by a long shot, or even by a 12-yard pass, which is exactly what Dexter used to score a touchdown to keep hope alive. After a failed two-point conversion attempt, the lead was back down to five, and a five-point lead — which is so totally less than a six-point touchdown — registers a thrilling eight white knuckles on my Fourth Quarter Stress Scale. But like a soothing muscle relaxant, the Chelsea running game brought the color back into my knuckles as it ran through the Dexter defense to devour the remainder of the fourth quarter, and that five-point lead proved to be enough to keep the Bulldogs undefeated.

You can quote Brad Bush on that.

Leftovers:

• Here’s a fun one: Chelsea’s total offensive output was 231 yards, which happens to be exactly the same as Dexter’s total offensive output. (In case you were curious, that is according to the Ann Arbor News.)

• It seems like I mention Nick Hill every week, but it also seems like I have good reason to do so; this week, that good reason is his three touchdowns. Math-minded sports fans may have already realized this, but that accounts for every touchdown Chelsea scored this week. (I almost said it accounts for all 21 Chelsea points, but then I realized that would be insulting to the placekicker.)

• As a Michigan fan, I’m just not on board with Dexter’s use of the Michigan helmet design. If they had the right colors, I wouldn’t mind it; however, their colors are those of Minnesota, a Big Ten school whose name is not the University of Michigan. I suppose it’s not as bad as it would be if Dexter’s colors were green and white or red and gray; still, it doesn’t look right.

• At one point during the game, the Dexter student section held up a sign that made me laugh; it said, “Mike Vick the Bulldogs.” Though the accusations against Vick are serious, the sign was a creative change of pace from the usual rah-rah kick-’em-in-the-shins sentiments.

• It seems Tecumseh celebrated Arena Football Appreciation Day on Friday; the Indians defeated the Railsplitters 72-42. Defense? What’s that? It must be some antiquated 20th-century concept.

• Finally, on a more serious note, due to the resignation of the entire freshman coaching staff, Saline has canceled the remainder of its freshman football season. The staff resigned in protest of superintendent Beverly Geltner’s decision to reinstate a player who had been suspended six weeks earlier; from what I’m told, the coaches were justified in suspending the player, and the majority of the parents supported the coaches’ decision. Maybe there is some important detail that hasn’t come to light; maybe the superintendent had some good reason — threatened litigation or a couple angry parents don’t qualify — to step over the athletic director and the entire football coaching staff to reinstate a player. But if she didn’t have any real reason to do so, then she succeeded only in destroying the freshman team and damaging Saline football. And if that is the case, then this situation is a real shame.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Pioneers of, uh, Pioneer; the game is at Pioneer at 7:00PM. Also, after using it three times in one sentence, I am tired of the word Pioneer. Pioneer Pioneer Pioneer Pioneer Pioneer.