JV: d. by Pioneer 28-14; 4-4 (3-4 SEC)
Freshmen: d. by Pioneer 42-22; 4-3-1 (3-3-1 SEC)

DJ Conrad does not believe you are the real McCoy.

In the SEC, Ann Arbor Pioneer is a giant among men. Its enrollment of more than 3,000 makes it the largest in the state, and it dwarfs the vast majority of A schools; out of 186 A football schools, only seven exceed 2,500, and Pioneer is the only school to exceed 3,000. Unfortunately for Pioneer, Chelsea is a nimble, elusive man that knows how to win football games; despite having three times the enrollment of Chelsea (2007 enrollment: 3,204 to 1,005), Pioneer has not yet managed to defeat the Bulldogs in football. Even last year, when Chelsea had its top receiver starting at quarterback and its backup JV quarterback behind him, Pioneer still fell six points short of its first varsity football victory over the Bulldogs. (In an interview after last year’s game, the Pioneer athletic director exclaimed, “A win! A win! My state championships for a football win over Chelsea!”)

In addition to its curious football futility against Chelsea, Ann Arbor Pioneer has one other notable feature: it is the Boutrous Boutrous-Ghali of the SEC. Back in 1936, when there was only one Ann Arbor high school, the Pioneer mascot was chosen; when the current school building was built in the 1950s, the Pioneer name also was applied to the school, effectively giving the world the Ann Arbor Pioneer Pioneers. (When this information was released to the public, many speculated that the city had quietly negotiated a lucrative deal with Wrigley, the makers of Doublemint Gum.)

Of course, when the leaves drop and the temperature changes colors, history takes a backseat to football, and Chelsea had to conclude its 2007 conference schedule against the Fighting Redundancies. This game had the potential to be a trap game for Chelsea; Pioneer brought a 2-5 record into the game, and Chelsea’s final regular-season game will be against Milan and its Studly Stud McStuderson 1,930-yards-in-eight-games running back, Ron Spears. But two of those five Pioneer losses were forfeits due to the participation of an illegal player early in the season, and two more of those losses were last-minute losses against two of the better SEC teams, so that 2-5 record came with more grains of salt than a stadium pretzel. And as this season of college football has shown, every game can be dangerous for an undefeated team.

Sorry, Nick Hill, but they already played the national anthem.

The first few minutes did not bode well for the Chelsea defense; Pioneer took possession and marched down the field, and it looked like the early lead would belong to A2P2. But deep in its own territory, the defense got Pioneer into a fourth down situation, and the field goal attempt failed like the kicking unit was wearing maize and blue. With that crisis averted, the Chelsea offense took control and did almost exactly the same thing, except for one minor little detail: the kick was good.

Michael Roberts and Scott Rhodes have plans for you. You, and your little football, too.

The world stands still when Chris Schmelz runs.

Even though two lengthy drives resulted in a paltry three points, the opening glut of yardage for both teams made it seem as though the game would be one of those newfangled high-scoring offensive battles; however, that was not meant to be the story of the first half. Aside from a Nick Hill touchdown run and a 42-yard Pioneer field goal, pointiness remained nearly as scarce as thoughtful dialogue in politics; Chelsea took a 10-6 lead into halftime, but Pioneer took a glimmer of hope into the second half.

“If you don’t make that call next time, I won’t be your friend on Facebook.”

Stop! In the name of Taylor Hopkins, before you gain a yard.

As usual, the defense is late to Donny Riedel’s party.

That glimmer of hope remained through the third quarter as Pioneer limited Chelsea to only one touchdown (and no extra points) and responded with yet another field goal; through three quarters, Chelsea had only a 16-9 lead. But brilliant mathematicians will tell you that typically, when you’re answering touchdowns with field goals, you’re going to end up a bit short. Especially when you’re playing against an offense that has the ability to stage scoring drives exactly when it needs them. (Now, whether or not it can do the same when it doesn’t need them … well, that’s another topic.)

Cal Bauer scares even the Incredible Hulk.

Every move you make, every breath you take, Rhodes is watching you.

When the fourth quarter arrived, it became apparent that the Pioneer defense had expended its energy over the previous three quarters; it didn’t take long for Chelsea put together a scoring drive to boost its lead to 14. But as quickly as hope flickered for the purple people, it re-ignited when Pioneer put together its own scoring drive to cut the lead back to seven. But when the Chelsea offense took possession after that touchdown — Pioneer’s first (and last) of the day — it doused Pioneer’s hope with a drive capped by an impressive 21-yard touchdown run by Hill to close the scoring.

Leftovers:

• The Chelsea offense outgained another opponent; this time, the margin was 14 yards (310 to 296). However, Pioneer out-firstdowned Chelsea, 15 to 16.

• Nick Hill watch: the sophomore contributed over half of Chelsea’s total yardage (193 rushing yards — 139 in the second half) and all four of Chelsea’s touchdowns.

• Quarterback Jeff Adams gave Chelsea fans another scare this week. After one of his longer runs, he was slow to get back up; when he did, he was in obvious pain, and he was holding his arm. However, he was back on the field for Chelsea’s next drive.

• Sadly, players on both teams got hot under the collar and loud in the mouth during the game. At one point, the officials stopped the game to talk to both teams about their conduct on the field; unfortunately, it didn’t accomplish much, as the jabbering continued throughout the game. I hope this does not carry over to next week and to the playoffs; even one personal foul can be devastating.

• During one Chelsea drive, I was standing near the Ann Arbor News photographer; after another solid run up the middle, the photographer looked at me and said, “You guys are good, but you sure are boring!”

Next week:
Chelsea concludes the regular season by facing the Big Reds of Milan; the game is in Chelsea at 7:00PM.