Chelsea Varsity Football 2007 record: 11-1

Time, time, time is in my locker room. Yes it is.

Nick Hill senses your presence. Be afraid.

After emerging victorious from a postseason tour of the SEC, Chelsea finally got the opportunity to face an unfamiliar opponent, East Lansing, in the newly-created Confused Multiple Identity Bowl. Why does this game qualify for such a cumbersome, perplexing name? It’s simple: East Lansing is the home of Michigan State University, but the ELHS football uniforms closely resemble those of the Penn State, a football rival of MSU. And, of course, Chelsea is close to Ann Arbor, the home of the University of Michigan, which is the instate rival of MSU and a conference rival of Penn State; however, Chelsea’s football uniforms resemble those of Notre Dame, a football rival of Michigan, Michigan State, and Penn State. Oh, and ELHS sports teams are known as the Trojans, which also is the mascot of the University of Southern Cal, which is a football rival of Notre Dame, whose sartorial connection to Chelsea has already been defined.

That was simple, right? Right.

All confusion aside, this game loomed as a major hurdle, with East Lansing bringing its Studly Stud McStuderson running back Issac Harper to Jerry Niehaus Field; though Chelsea had faced fine athletes throughout the season — athletes such as Ypsilanti’s Marvon Sanders and Milan’s Ron Spears — Harper was likely to bring the most significant challenge to Chelsea’s perfect record.

They’re streaking, but they’re not.

Good thing this isn’t a parade.

The first quarter was a bad situation for Chelsea; midway through the first quarter, the Bulldogs found themselves in a hole in a rainstorm. (And really, when it’s raining, a hole is the last place you want to be; holes tend to fill up with water.) After fruitless opening possessions for both teams, East Lansing intercepted a Jeff Adams pass; a few minutes later, Harper took the ball in for a touchdown, giving the Trojans a 7-0 lead they would hold through the first quarter.

The second quarter didn’t improve for the Bulldogs, as a 52-yard Harper run and a 33-yard field goal increased East Lansing’s lead to 17-0; as the deficit increased and the rain fell, Chelsea’s offense gained yardage here and there but struggled to find enough consistency to put points on the board. Passes fell incomplete, rushes fell short, and the zero on the scoreboard cast a heavy glare on the unpleasantly surprised crowd at halftime.

Contrary to popular belief, sometimes people do bend that way.

Donny Riedel plays Follow The Matt Johnson.

In the previous week’s game against Adrian, Chelsea struggled in the first half but came out strong in the second half; the assembled Chelsea fans hoped the second half would bring that same dramatic change on the field. Just briefly, it seemed to be occurring again as Chelsea began to put together a promising drive; unfortunately, the drive resulted in no points, leaving the Bulldogs with the same 17-point deficit and less time to erase it. And there was one more piece of bad news for Chelsea: late in the third quarter, Harper ran 57 yards for the touchdown that most in the crowd presumed was the final nail in the straw coffin that broke the camel’s back. East Lansing was comfortable, Chelsea was morose, and the fourth quarter looked as though it would be merely academic.

Astute readers may have noticed the tentative language surrounding East Lansing’s apparently inevitable triumph; be assured, astute readers (and non-astute readers, too), that such language was intentional. Though East Lansing had thoroughly dominated its way to a 24-0 lead after three quarters, the game wasn’t over; despite its 36-minute nap, Chelsea was not quite ready to cede the game.

Sam Birgy lounges on your comfortable defense.

Pat Dignan can read your mind with his steely gaze.

The fourth quarter brought to life the same team that shut down Adrian in the second half, and as that team began to assert itself, a confused question mark replaced the happy exclamation point in the East Lansing atmosphere. Chelsea’s first touchdown and two-point conversion might not have caused too much consternation on the opposing sideline, but Chelsea’s second touchdown and two-point conversion caused massive consternation by narrowing the previously cavernous deficit to a mere eight points; those with a penchant for higher mathematics may recognize that an eight-point deficit can be fully erased with just one score. And that one-score difference didn’t seem likely to grow; the Trojan offense, a Hungry Hungry Yard-Devouring Hippo for three quarters, seemed to have eaten its fill of yardage. All of a sudden, an imminent East Lansing victory began to look as though it might turn into the burning of Troy.

Chris Morgan has places to go and footballs to catch.

After Chelsea’s second touchdown, the defense did its part by forcing an East Lansing punt; with just under two minutes to play, the Chelsea offense took possession with the chance to tie the game. But sadly, the comeback went unfinished; after three unsuccessful plays, an incomplete pass on fourth down brought an end to the drive. East Lansing knelt down to run out the final few seconds, and Chelsea’s season came to an end.

Leftovers:

• One of East Lansing’s cheers involves the phrase “go blue.” Yes, that phrase is in common usage in East Lansing; there’s something particularly strange about that.

• This marks Chelsea’s third 12-game season in the last eight years; the Bulldogs went 11-1 in 2000, 10-2 in 2006, and 11-1 in 2007.

• Yet again, the premature football banquet made its presence known. This is how it goes: when the football banquet is held during the playoffs — so, prior to the end of the varsity season — the team loses the game after the banquet. I don’t have a firm count of immediate post-banquet losses, but I do know it has happened multiple times, including the past two seasons (Fowlerville 2006; East Lansing 2007). One such occurrence would be frustrating, but multiple occurrences are troubling.

• Full game gallery. Prints available through Burrill Strong Photography.

Next week:
To the dismay of everyone who loves life, there is no next week; there is only a long, cold, dark offseason filled with long, cold, dark offseasony things that exist only to make us long for the start of next football season. But assuming there is no catastrophic or supernatural end to life as we know it, there will be another football season; Jerry Niehaus Field will yet again be filled with life. Hold onto that hope.

In the meantime:
Come out and support the Bulldogs this winter. There are plenty of sports from which to choose; if you make it to hockey or basketball games, you’ll see me there, too. But, of course, I’m happy to show up at other sporting events, as well; if you’re interested, get ahold of me and we’ll iron out the details.