If you’re at all familiar with the Chelsea Community Fair, you know two things:

1: It’s the single best event in Chelsea, and
2: It features a demolition derby, which is the single best event of the single best event in Chelsea.

If you’re not familiar with the concept of a demolition derby…I’m sorry. You’ve been deprived, and your life won’t be complete until you’re familiar with the wondrous fantasticality that is the demolition derby.

Just imagine a bunch of people bringing a bunch of old cars and gleefully smashing into each others’ cars until there’s only one vaguely functional car left. Got it? Good — now you know what a demolition derby is. It’s like rush hour on your favorite highway, except road rage isn’t a big deal. Why? Because instead of being penalized if you do run into somebody else, you get penalized if you don’t run into somebody else. It’s crazy, it’s loud, and it’s hilariously fun to watch.

If you’re a sophisticated big city fancy-pants you might think the notion of a demolition derby is ridiculous, but that’s okay: if you’re a sophisticated big city fancy-pants, I probably think you’re ridiculous. If you can’t enjoy the awesomeness of grown-up bumper cars, then you don’t know how to have fun.

Anyway: derby cars are sponsored by a wide variety of local businesses and organizations. (The most appropriate sponsors are chiropractors and auto parts stores.) This year the Chelsea Library decided to sponsor a car, maybe in an effort to get kids to collide with reading or something. Even better, the library decided to park the car on its front lawn and invite local kids to paint the car.

The library supplied the paint and the brushes. All the kids had to do was show up and have fun.

As you can see, they had plenty of fun.

The great thing about a derby car is that it doesn’t need to look pretty. Wait, let me rephrase: it really shouldn’t look pretty, because it’s just going to get destroyed in the derby. That’s what makes it such a great art project for kids.

The car’s driver, local resident and demolition derby veteran Kim Potocki, was on hand to watch the kids’ progress.

Well, at that moment she was looking at the camera. But the rest of the time she was watching the kids paint the car.

I think the car was a lawn ornament every bit as dignified as the library itself.

Don’t you agree?

One wise parent brought an apron.

The rest of the kids just made a mess without aprons.

The interior of a derby car is…well, let’s just say it’s not built for comfort. Instead, it’s built for not dying.

You can’t see it in that photo, but the gas tank is sitting where the back seat used to be.

At the end of the allotted time, the car’s soon-to-be-rumpled exterior had few bare spots left.

Some kids got creative and splattered paint on the car…

…and some even signed their names or left their handprints. (Those handprints could be trouble if Horatio Caine gets his hands on the car.)

If you’d like to come check out the Chelsea demolition derby, it’ll happen at 7:30pm on Tuesday and Wednesday, August 23 and 24. The whole fair is a great event, so I’d recommend arriving early enough to walk around the rest of the fair.