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Commitment to Excellence: Week 7 vs. Dexter

JV: d. by Dexter 14-6; 4-3 (3-3 SEC)
Freshmen: d. Dexter 41-20; 4-2-1 (3-2-1 SEC)

Chelsea Varsity Football 2007 record: 7-0 (6-0 SEC)


They’re big; he’s little.

When it comes to high school sports, we here in Chelsea love the Dexter Dreadnaughts. Of course, when I say “love,” I mean “never, ever want to lose to”; this is because Dexter functions as Chelsea’s Ohio State. (Did you notice how Chelsea is the local favorite and Dexter is the out-of-town enemy in that metaphor? I know what I’m doing here.) Many sporting events between the schools are a little bit more heated and a little bit more exciting; last year provided several outstanding examples of the ongoing rivalry. The final regular-season basketball game between the schools packed Dexter’s gym, and the crowd noise during the overtime thriller left my ears ringing; the hockey playoff game between the schools held the same sort of energy on a smaller scale, and it also went into overtime. Oh, and the schools met in the baseball playoffs, too; that game — also a nailbiter — drew another smaller but similarly excited crowd.

But even as Dexter athletics in general have flourished, the Dexter football program has not achieved that same level of success. Recent history has been particularly unkind to the Dreadnaughts; over the last ten years, as Chelsea has hit its stride, Dexter football has averaged under three wins per season. These struggles have translated into an 11-game streak of Chelsea victories (1996-2006), and that streak has made for a seemingly odd rivalry in which both schools still care about the games despite the fact that Dexter hasn’t beaten Chelsea in football since this year’s seniors were five or six years old.

Ah, but this is the beauty of high school sports rivalries: they can be bigger than just one sport. There may be a gap between the football programs, but on the whole, the Chelsea and Dexter athletic departments are close enough to perpetuate a rivalry. And multi-sport athletes only encourage the rivalry; each time they lose in one sport, they gain a greater determination to win in their next sport. That football player on the losing end wants to win in basketball or hockey; that basketball or hockey player on the losing end wants to win in baseball. Graduation brings an end to each individual cycle of defeat and determination, but there are always more athletes starting that cycle anew each year.

Fortunately for the football rivalry, Dexter football has started to show signs of life. This became abundantly clear last year when Dexter came within nine seconds of ending Chelsea’s winning streak; it took a Jeff Adams touchdown pass to Nate Schwarze to shock the prematurely exultant Dexter students and give Chelsea a narrow 33-29 victory. The close finish reminded Chelsea to take Dexter seriously — a necessary reminder after a string of particularly lopsided games — and it injected more life into the football side of the rivalry. In the light of that game, and because Dexter’s cartoony ship mascot bears some resemblance to the mighty Trogdor, this year’s meeting had all kinds of scary written all over it for the undefeated Bulldogs.


Brad Bush tells Jeff Adams he just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico.


Sam Birgy shall lay to waste all who dare interfere with Nick Hill.

Just like last week, the game started well for Chelsea. For much of the first half, the Chelsea defense took its usual anti-yardage stance, and the Chelsea offense took advantage of two generous Dexter turnovers to build a 14-0 lead. It wasn’t a gigantic lead, but with the way Dexter’s offense seemed to be struggling against Chelsea’s defense, it seemed substantial enough. But on the horizon was a less encouraging similarity to last week: a collapse late in the first half. A timely punt return put Dexter in position to score, and with only 23 seconds left in the first half, the Dreadnaughts cut Chelsea’s lead in half.


‘Cause we got a mighty convoy, rockin’ through the night.


Scott Naab, Jeff Adams and Nick Hill discuss Michigan’s economic struggles.


Much like fame, 14-point leads can be fleeting.

Last week’s halftime collapse resulted in an early second-half touchdown for Saline; as the teams took the field for the second half, the Chelsea faithful hoped that little tidbit of history would not repeat itself. But this week, though Chelsea’s halftime doldrums continued, they seemed to be new and improved doldrums — now with fewer points allowed! — that yielded only one Dexter field goal. That seemed to bring the team back to life and back to reality; at the end of an impressive drive, Chelsea answered Dexter’s adorable little field goal with a touchdown, and the lead was back to eleven. And while eleven is not as good as fourteen, it’s certainly better than four. And, of course, all of those numbers are better than negative numbers, which aren’t really numbers, but instead are cruel little Terrell Owenses performing touchdown celebrations on your hopes and dreams. In other words, it’s good to have the lead.


Stu Mann enjoys long walks on your quarterback.


Grant Fanning sends his love to the defense.

Even after that touchdown, the game wasn’t done being interesting. Not by a long shot, or even by a 12-yard pass, which is exactly what Dexter used to score a touchdown to keep hope alive. After a failed two-point conversion attempt, the lead was back down to five, and a five-point lead — which is so totally less than a six-point touchdown — registers a thrilling eight white knuckles on my Fourth Quarter Stress Scale. But like a soothing muscle relaxant, the Chelsea running game brought the color back into my knuckles as it ran through the Dexter defense to devour the remainder of the fourth quarter, and that five-point lead proved to be enough to keep the Bulldogs undefeated.


You can quote Brad Bush on that.

Leftovers:

  • Here’s a fun one: Chelsea’s total offensive output was 231 yards, which happens to be exactly the same as Dexter’s total offensive output. (In case you were curious, that is according to the Ann Arbor News.)
  • It seems like I mention Nick Hill every week, but it also seems like I have good reason to do so; this week, that good reason is his three touchdowns. Math-minded sports fans may have already realized this, but that accounts for every touchdown Chelsea scored this week. (I almost said it accounts for all 21 Chelsea points, but then I realized that would be insulting to the placekicker.)
  • As a Michigan fan, I’m just not on board with Dexter’s use of the Michigan helmet design. If they had the right colors, I wouldn’t mind it; however, their colors are those of Minnesota, a Big Ten school whose name is not the University of Michigan. I suppose it’s not as bad as it would be if Dexter’s colors were green and white or red and gray; still, it doesn’t look right.
  • At one point during the game, the Dexter student section held up a sign that made me laugh; it said, “Mike Vick the Bulldogs.” Though the accusations against Vick are serious, the sign was a creative change of pace from the usual rah-rah kick-’em-in-the-shins sentiments.
  • It seems Tecumseh celebrated Arena Football Appreciation Day on Friday; the Indians defeated the Railsplitters 72-42. Defense? What’s that? It must be some antiquated 20th-century concept.
  • Finally, on a more serious note, due to the resignation of the entire freshman coaching staff, Saline has canceled the remainder of its freshman football season. The staff resigned in protest of superintendent Beverly Geltner’s decision to reinstate a player who had been suspended six weeks earlier; from what I’m told, the coaches were justified in suspending the player, and the majority of the parents supported the coaches’ decision. Maybe there is some important detail that hasn’t come to light; maybe the superintendent had some good reason — threatened litigation or a couple angry parents don’t qualify — to step over the athletic director and the entire football coaching staff to reinstate a player. But if she didn’t have any real reason to do so, then she succeeded only in destroying the freshman team and damaging Saline football. And if that is the case, then this situation is a real shame.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Pioneers of, uh, Pioneer; the game is at Pioneer at 7:00PM. Also, after using it three times in one sentence, I am tired of the word Pioneer. Pioneer Pioneer Pioneer Pioneer Pioneer.

The excitement of sobriety

Before the start of this week’s Michigan football game against Eastern Michigan, the announcer informed the crowd:

“Alcohol possession and/or consumption is prohibited at today’s game.”

In response, a woman seated near me said:

“WOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Commitment to Excellence: Week 6 vs. Saline

JV: d. by Saline, 7-13; 4-2 (3-2 SEC)
Freshmen: d. by Saline, 27-48; 3-2-1 (2-2-1 SEC)

Chelsea Varsity Football 2007 record: 6-0 (5-0 SEC)

For the most part, the SEC is populated by mascots that range from magnificent to innocuous; the lone exception to that rule is one of Chelsea’s strongest football rivals: the Saline Hornets. Bulldogs are appealingly fierce; Pioneers are adventurous; Dreadnaughts are warships; Kicking Mules are stubborn and, um, kicking; Maples are majestic trees with Canada-shaped leaves. But Hornets don’t possess any such impressive or appealing qualities; instead, they’re invasive, ill-tempered pests that bring out the exterminator in everybody. (In general, the actual people in Saline are not invasive, ill-tempered pests, so that mascot isn’t particularly representative. Of course, the actual people in Adrian aren’t majestic trees with Canada-shaped leaves, either, so I guess that’s not important.)

Despite possessing a mascot that is terrible at making friends, Saline has a strong football program; its overall winning percentage of .624 is just below Chelsea’s .649, and since 1955, it has a 29-21-3 record against Chelsea, making the Hornets strong rivals indeed.


Main Street Coney Island knows where its bread is buttered. So to speak.

Last year’s game was problematic for Chelsea for two reasons: first, quarterback John Seelbach tore his ACL in the third quarter, and second, Chelsea lost. But in a fashion sense, last year’s game was problematic for Saline: thanks to their monochromatic uniforms, they looked a bit like blueberries wearing helmets. Seriously: contrast is a good thing. Put stripes on the pants or something. Please? Thank you.

This year’s game looked like a good opportunity for Chelsea to end its two-game losing streak to Saline; Chelsea was enjoying a 5-0 record thanks to a strong running game and a good defense, and Saline — in addition to having let Vince Helmuth graduate — was on its backup quarterback and was coming off a loss to Tecumseh, a team Chelsea already defeated. But for that favorable situation to translate into a victory, Chelsea had to remember that Saline was no pushover. (Saline helped by not looking like blueberries this year; instead, they wore eye-catching yellow jerseys and changed their name to the Fighting Penalty Flags. And half of that is really actually totally true!)


Look, ma! They’re on TV!


And radio!

The first 18 minutes went very well for Chelsea; aside from one long touchdown pass, the defense handled Saline’s offense, and Chelsea’s offense moved with pleasant efficiency, scoring on three of its first four possessions. When Chelsea held a 26-7 lead late in the second quarter, it was beginning to look as though it would be a rout. But then one disastrous sequence brought Saline right back into the game.


Tyler Ball makes every road a dead end.


Seriously. Nick Hill is getting tired of all these attempted tackles. Go knit a sweater or something.


Stu Mann just wants to know your shirt size.

The sequence began with a crucial play by Chelsea’s defense; Saline was driving late in the second, and a touchdown seemed inevitable. But then a Saline ball carrier fumbled inside the 10, and Chelsea took possession with the opportunity to run almost all the time off the clock and escape with that 19-point lead. A three-and-out left some time on the clock, but a good punt would make it difficult for Saline to score; of course, that notion was dependent upon a good Chelsea punt, and unfortunately, the punt was far from good. Saline took possession in Chelsea territory and, just a few plays later, scored a touchdown. After a successful two-point conversion, the lead was down to 26-15, and all the momentum was in Saline’s favor.


Jake Galarowic and Taylor Hopkins stop, collaborate and tackle.


You can’t spell “special Brian Montoye teams” without Brian Montoye.


They’re not bloodthirsty zombies; they just love quarterbacks.

For a while, the second half didn’t look much more promising; Saline returned a punt 72 yards for a touchdown, and what once was a dominating 21-point lead was down to four. But just when Chelsea fans became most nervous, the Chelsea offense — anchored by its running game, which ended up producing 341 yards — drove for a much-needed touchdown to push the lead back to 11. That seemed to put the Bulldogs back in the right frame of mine; Saline managed to put the ball in the end zone one more time, but Chelsea answered that with another touchdown of its own to end the scoring.


Nick Hill is steaming, but he’s not mad.


On TV, Jake Galarowic’s jersey number is 10/9 Central.

Leftovers:

  • Unlike the last two weeks, the Chelsea offense actually outgained its opponent this week! And not just by a few yards, either. Chelsea gained 421 yards to Saline’s 260 yards, thanks largely to the aforementioned mountain of rushing yardage. Oh, and also in the new and improved department, Chelsea out-firstdowned Saline, too, 17 to 11. (Yes, I said out-firstdowned.)
  • Nick Hill dominated the stat sheet this week; of 341 yards rushing and six touchdowns, he contributed 210 yards and four touchdowns.
  • At 6-0, Chelsea has qualified for the playoffs for the ninth consecutive season.
  • Chelsea and Saline are two of the stronger programs in the area, so the game attracted plenty of attention; 1600 WAAM broadcast the game live, Fox Sports Net and State Champs sent crews to gather footage, and W4 Country ran a contest at halftime.
  • Speaking of W4 Country, I have a bit of a bone to pick with the crew they sent to the game. They brought their van and set up a tent outside the stadium entrance, which is all well and good; however, they set up the van and tent in the handicap parking, taking up three parking spots in the process. Those spots are there for a good reason, and no part of that reason involves radio station promotions.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Dreadnaughts of Dexter; the game is in Chelsea at 7:00PM.

Burrill Strong Photography: Now With More Press Boxiness!

After the 2005 football season, Chelsea renovated its football stadium; among many other things, this renovation included a new press box. As high school press boxes go, it was functionally excellent. But as it turns out, it wasn’t yet finished.

Prior to this season, the finishing touches were put on the press box; these finishing touches included things like carpeting and individual lights at the desks, as well as a microwave and a small refrigerator. But it seems it still wasn’t finished; in addition to all those practical features, Chelsea’s athletic director had one aesthetic finishing touch in mind. So, early in the football season, he contacted me to ask about acquiring a particular photograph for the wall of the press box. And as of last week, that photograph has been printed and framed.

So now, when you walk into the main room of the Chelsea football press box, you will see this:

Some of you may recognize the photograph as the current background image of the football page of my business website; a few of you may even remember it from its brief appearance on my business card. Though it no longer appears on my business card, it still is one of my favorite pictures, and I am pleased to have it adorning the wall of the press box.

Commitment to Excellence: Week 5 vs. Lincoln

JV: d. Lincoln 55-8; 4-1 (3-1 SEC)
Freshmen: d. Lincoln 47-14; 2-2-1 (1-2-1 SEC)

Chelsea Varsity Football 2007 record: 5-0 (4-0 SEC)


Ground control to Major Bush; take your protein pills and put your helmet on.


Scott Naab isn’t easily distracted; he’s made from concentrate.

When it comes to football, despite having an excellent mascot — an ax-wielding U.S. president! — Lincoln has had more struggles than success. The history of Railsplitter football is not overflowing with victories, but the last decade in particular offers a stark picture of a program mired in a very deep depression. From 1997 through 2006, the statistics show:

  • Overall record: 19-76 (a winning percentage of .200)
  • Two winning seasons (1997, 1998)
  • Eight seasons of 2 wins or fewer

The numbers are fully representative of the reality: Lincoln football is a mess. Over the last three and a half seasons (including this year’s game against Chelsea), Lincoln has gone a miserable 1-31, with the lone victory coming in 2003 against a Dexter team that also finished 1-8. And many of those losses haven’t even been competitive; Lincoln’s average margin of defeat in that time period is 34 points.

This litany of futility is in no way intended as an insult to Lincoln football; I do not take joy in seeing high school football programs mired in such a sad state. But with Lincoln in the SEC, it’s something we in Chelsea can’t really forget; Chelsea has defeated Lincoln by an average of 33 points since 1999 (including this year’s game), and as one of the previous statistics showed, Chelsea isn’t alone in achieving lopsided defeats of Lincoln. Something is severely broken in the football program, and for the sake of the athletes at Lincoln, the losing culture of Lincoln football needs to be changed. That is neither an easy nor a short process, but it is possible; I hope to see another competitive Railsplitter football team before another decade passes. It would be good for everyone.

I’ll leave the opinionated analysis of the successes and failures in the Lincoln athletic department for someone more credibly able to detail them; regardless of the state of Lincoln football, there was a game Friday.


Dean Roberts had a snack, but he’s still hungry.

On Friday, I was concerned that Chelsea players and fans may have arrived at the facility on Willis Road in a dangerous mindset. The previous week’s game against Adrian was a hard-fought victory, the following week’s game will bring Saline to Jerry Niehaus Field, and the last time Lincoln was competitive with Chelsea was back when the current seniors were nine years old; between the strong teams bookending the Lincoln game and the cupcakerous tendencies of the Railsplitters, this game would have been easy to overlook. I knew it would take a lot of overlooking for Chelsea to lose this game, and I knew the coaches had done everything they could to keep the players’ minds on Lincoln, but … well, I was at the stadium for Michigan’s loss to Appalachian State, so I think I am justified in being mildly paranoid. Happy thoughts … Notre Dame … Penn State … Mike Hart … okay, back to Chelsea.


Chris Schmelz distracts a defender with Zoolander‘s Blue Steel look.


If Sam Birgy closes his eyes, you can’t see Nick Hill (32) and Jeff Adams!


Excuse me, but Tyler Ball would like to discuss something with your quarterback.


Is this official a Texas Longhorns fan, or does he just want to rock on?

The opening kickoff certainly helped allay my fears of a fatally distracted team; Chris Schmelz took the opening kickoff and ran, Forrest, ran for 82 yards to open up a quick 7-0 lead. The rest of the first half featured four more Chelsea touchdowns, including a highlight-reel one-handed touchdown catch by Schmelz, a thoroughly enjoyable 64-yard touchdown pass from Michael Lenneman — who, by the way, isn’t the quarterback — to Donny Riedel, and an outstanding 71-yard touchdown run (that was described to me by a friend as something out of a video game) by quarterback Jeff Adams; at halftime, Chelsea held a comfortable 34-7 lead, and all was well in Bulldogland. Well, it was an away game, so I suppose all was well in Portable Bulldogland.


Randy Cox is not afraid to show affection on the football field.


With no defenders in sight, Jeff Adams is forced to stiff-arm his own teammate.

In the second half, Chelsea coach Brad Bush brought in substitutes, and Chelsea fans started to get a good look at Lincoln’s developing young Studly Stud McStuderson, sophomore quarterback Andrew Dillon. He had shown flashes of ability both to throw good passes and to get out of trouble with his feet in the first half, but the Chelsea defense was strong enough — and, occasionally, his receivers were droppy enough — to limit the Lincoln offense to one scoring drive late in the first half; in the second half, Dillon began to showcase his immense potential by leading the Railsplitters to three touchdowns in the second half. He had help from speedy running back Travis Davidson, but Dillon himself displayed ability that could make him a good foundation for a competitive football team. If the Lincoln staff develops a team around him, he could lead them to a few more wins over the next two years.


With one mighty gesture, Grant Fanning can change entire defenses.


Steven O’Keefe is coming for you. Especially if your name is End Zone.

When Dillon wasn’t on the field being all capable and stuff, the Chelsea offense was in the hands of junior quarterback Randy Cox; he made sure Dillon’s efforts didn’t morph into heroics by leading Chelsea to two more touchdowns, one a pass to Jason Kolokithas and the other a 1-yard keeper. Those touchdowns were more than enough to seal another Chelsea victory, keeping the team undefeated and putting it one win away from ensuring a ninth consecutive playoff appearance.


No, Riley Feeney is not interested in any peace treaty, thank you very much.

Leftovers:

  • Yet again, Chelsea was outgained by its opponent. This time, the margin was a bit larger; Lincoln gained 477 yards, while Chelsea gained 422. But yet again, Chelsea won.
  • During the game, I talked to Wayne Welton, Chelsea’s baseball coach; he informed me that Dillon pitched a 1-0 shutout of Chelsea last spring. Seriously, he’s good.
  • As you can see in the above pictures, Lincoln’s football uniforms bear a strong resemblance to the Detroit Lions’ throwback uniforms. I am a fan of the Lions’ throwbacks, so that’s fine by me.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Hornets of Saline; the game is in Chelsea on Friday at 7:00 PM.

Euphemisms engaged

As many of you may know, I walk with a fairly obvious limp; what you may not know is the reason I walk with that limp. I’ll save all the details for another time; right now, I’ll just give you a name: Cerebral Palsy.

Since I was born with a condition ambulance-chasing lawyers think is tragically awesome, I get to park in those spacious blue parking spaces that always seem to be openly mocking all you able-bodied people. (It’s not your imagination; they really are mocking you. And so am I.) But more importantly, I get to be part of an important hyphenated cultural group: Euphemism-Americans.

I’m bringing this up now for two reasons. The first is my longstanding irritation with today’s vogue term, “disabled.” Those who know me well likely have heard me make some comment about the replacement of “handicapped” by “disabled”; those who don’t know me … well, I’ll summarize for all of you.

Consider the word in other contexts. A disabled car doesn’t work at all; a disabled software option doesn’t work at all; a disabled alarm system doesn’t work at all. It’s not just some glitch that makes it work less efficiently than most cars or software options or alarm systems; it is a total failure of that particular car, option or system. In that light, it seems to me that a disabled person would be dead, because dead people just don’t work (although they have been known to vote in Chicago); in that sense, it seems to me that disabled is actually closer to crippled — a term long fallen out of favor — than it is to handicapped. But somehow, that sense fades to the background when disabled is applied to people.

This confuses me a bit because the previous term, handicapped, made so much more sense; it seemed to me that its uses in other contexts actually made it fairly accurate in this context. But true to the long-term pattern of moving away from simple accuracy and towards something else I really don’t understand, handicapped fell out of favor, and disabled grew in stature and in favor with men. And now it is the reigning reference for Euphemism-Americans.

Ah, but even though disabled is the current reference of choice, there seems to be no end to the creativity modern society can exhibit when it comes to new and exciting terms for us Euphemism-Americans. And that creativity is the second reason I brought up my CP.

Just the other day, Legal Counsel Justin sent me a link to a page on the Toys “R” Us website. The subject line of his email read, “is this better than disabled?”; based on that subject line, I knew it had to be good. And my goodness, it was better than good. When I clicked the link, I was whisked away to a page that actually made me laugh out loud.

Kudos to you, Toys “R” Us, for making this Euphemism-American laugh. “Differently-abled” truly is a euphemism god among men.

—–

I should probably clarify a couple things:

First, though I don’t have any love for the term “disabled,” I certainly don’t consider it an offensive term. My disdain is not that pointed. I will not become upset if you use the term around me or in reference to me; in fact, I might even laugh at you. And in any case, I won’t even be close to offended, so don’t get all paranoid about it. The world is already paranoid about too many things.

Second, I am aware that there are other more specific terms in use, like “person with a disability.” And while I suppose that is a bit more accurate, it’s also wordy. And given the common use of the shorter disabled, those more specific wordy terms are probably culturally supplemental; the shorter terms are much more headline-friendly.

Lying down on the job

Last Friday, I photographed Chelsea’s football game at Adrian, which is why the previous post was full of pictures from that game. What I didn’t know was that as I photographed the team’s entrance onto the field, there was someone photographing me. Well, not me specifically, but I did manage to relax my way into the frame.

I’m there at the bottom of the picture, lying on the ground and yet hard at work at the same time. And while it may look like I’m about to get aerated by roughly 60 pairs of cleats, don’t worry; I was not in any danger. Trust me, I learned my lesson last year after I nearly got trampled one week and then actually got kicked in the head by a cheerleader a week or two later. Yeah, it was pretty amazing.

Anyway, that photo and article link appeared on the front page of Michigan Elite Football‘s website. It should be on the main page for another day or so; after that, I’ll be just another guy lying on the football field. But don’t worry; I saved a screen shot for posterity. (Unfortunately, the photo doesn’t accompany the full article, so posterity is out of luck with that link. Also, there’s no bigger version available, so keep squinting.)

Oh, and here’s one of the shots I got as I lounged on the grass:

Commitment to Excellence: Week 4 vs. Adrian

JV: d. Adrian 16-13; 3-1 (2-1 SEC)
Freshmen: d. by Adrian 15-20; 1-2-1 (0-2-1 SEC)

Chelsea Varsity 2007 record: 4-0 (3-0 SEC)


Michael Cooper gazes longingly into the distance and thinks of touchdowns.


When I work during the national anthem, I’m looking for shots like this one.


Your mom plays football for Chelsea.

Many schools choose mascots that have some sort of actively fierce quality — bulldogs are known for tenacity and fearlessness, pirates are known for their ruthlessness (but not for their resemblance to Johnny Depp), hornets are known for being pests — but Adrian football, like a certain poisonous nut school south of here, labors under the banner of an inanimate mascot. So, instead of the Adrian Fierce Animals, Ill-Tempered People or Unpleasant Insects, the football team takes the field each Friday as the Adrian Maples. And I don’t know about you, but that makes me think of syrup. And Canada. Oh, Canada.

Despite that syrupy sweet mascot with strong roots and aesthetically pleasing leaves, Adrian football has been a solidly consistent program; it has posted eight consecutive winning seasons with an average of over 7 wins each year, and after a 3-0 start in 2007, another winning season appears within reach. And since 2000, Adrian has posted a respectable 3-4 record against Chelsea (not including this year), whereas Dexter and Lincoln haven’t beaten Chelsea since 1995 and 1997 respectively, and Bedford has never beaten Chelsea. (Dexter nearly ended that streak last year.)

Over the years, I have become accustomed to seeing Adrian offenses that have been an effective hybrid between Tecumseh’s current offense and more typical offenses that do not keep the forward pass in a glass case that says “EMERGENCY USE ONLY”; there always seemed to be some big bruising running back ready to run straight into the line and gain five yards without really trying and ten yards with some effort, but there was more than enough of a passing game to keep the defensive secondary awake. If transferred to another hasty Photoshop diagram, my memories of the typical Adrian offense in years past would look something like this:

Last year, Adrian’s offense got all pass-happy due to the presence of quarterback Steve Threet, who was good enough to catch the attention of Georgia Tech. But despite high expectations brought on by the arm of Threet, Adrian managed only a 6-4 record, which included a first-round playoff loss. This year, the offense did not return to its Incredible Hulkingback self, but instead adapted to its new starting quarterback, who, unlike Threet and his Navarre-like lead feet, is so capable of making plays with his feet that he has already run for 200 yards against Michigan. That quarterback, Brent Ohrman, directed Adrian to a 3-0 start this season, making Friday’s game a clash of unbeatens. (As well as a clash of persistent dogs and really good shade trees highly valued for pancake-based applications.)

The pregame didn’t bode well for Adrian; as the teams were warming up, the announcer welcomed “the Chelsea Dreadnaughts.” The Dreadnaughts moniker does not belong to Chelsea; instead, it belongs to Dexter, one of Chelsea’s biggest sports rivals. That mix-up is essentially the local high school sports equivalent of welcoming the Michigan Buckeyes or the Notre Dame Trojans. The announcer quickly corrected himself, but the damage was done, and the Chelsea crowd was not particularly happy.


Jeff Adams is not being tackled; he is levitating. Gravity cannot stop him.


Sunshine on my shoulders makes me watch football. And that makes me happy.


And he was all like yeah, I’m going to run downfield. And Taylor Hopkins was all like um, no.

The first quarter went a long way towards helping Chelsea forget that incident. The Adrian offense struggled to gain meaningful yardage, and after 3-yard and 53-yard Nick Hill touchdown runs, Chelsea had a 14-0 lead. However, Chelsea also squandered opportunities; the ineffectiveness of Adrian’s offense gave Chelsea consistently good field position that, ideally, would have resulted in more than 14 points. The night prior, Chelsea’s JV had squandered good opportunities and ended up with a 16-13 victory on a last-second field goal; as I watched the varsity fail to capitalize on field position and momentum, I hoped the game wouldn’t come down to the last second. But Adrian could manage nothing more than a field goal in the first half, and Chelsea held an encouraging 14-3 halftime lead.

The second half had an even more encouraging start; the Chelsea offense marched down the field, and Hill dragged a would-be tackler into the end zone to score his third touchdown of the night on a 5-yard run. That touchdown gave Chelsea a somewhat commanding 21-3 lead, and everyone in the blue and gold was feeling good. But it was still only the third quarter, and Adrian was not yet ready to concede the game. Not long after that touchdown, the Chelsea offense stalled deep in its own territory, and Jeff Adams had to punt from his own end zone; the Adrian defense managed to block the punt and recover it in the end zone for a touchdown, cutting Chelsea’s lead to 21-10 and making the Chelsea faithful just a little bit nervous.


Dean Roberts looks hungry.


Nick Hill will break your tackle. Just like he will break you.


First down? The Chelsea offense needs no first down.


Donny Riedel cuts like a knife through the buttery goodness of your defense.

To make the Chelsea faithful even more nervous, the Chelsea offense began to sputter after the early third-quarter touchdown drive. Consistent yardage and first downs became scarce, resulting in short drives that didn’t give the defense much time to breathe; considering the fancy feet of Ohrman, the fatigue of the defense was a major concern. And Ohrman seemed to find a rhythm in the second half, moving around the field and making a few too many plays. But time and time again, the defense stood tall and made stops and forced turnovers, and Adrian was unable to score a single offensive point in the second half; thanks in large part to those second-half defensive stands, and because Tecumseh upset Saline that same evening, Chelsea walked off the field as the only unbeaten team in the SEC.


James Connelly is Batman.

Leftovers:

  • Though Ohrman was good at leaving Chelsea’s defense frustrated, Nick Hill actually outrushed Adrian as a whole. Hill accumulated 137 yards; Adrian accumulated 120.
  • Chelsea’s rushing game had a productive day (226 yards), but the passing game never got going (23 yards). Adrian threw for 146 yards, but couldn’t finish drives thanks to the Chelsea defense; despite several possessions in Chelsea territory in the fourth quarter, the offense ended up contributing only three points, and those came in the first half.
  • Yet again, Chelsea was outgained by its opponent: Adrian gained 266 yards, while Chelsea gained 249. Adrian also had five more first downs (18 to 13).
  • Heard during Thursday’s freshmen game: after one penalty, an irked parent (who happened to be from Adrian) shouted, “Make it fair for the kids!” Ah, the tragedy of a pass interference call. Save the children. Or read my thoughts from last year and stop yelling at the refs; your holding your tongue (or at the very least lowering your voice) and setting a decent example for your kids is more important than a penalty that may or may not be a debatable call.
  • Heard after Friday’s game: as I was walking out of the stadium, I passed two paramedics who were talking to another man. As I walked by, one of the paramedics was telling the man, “We don’t clean up after dead bodies.” I’m not sure I want any context for that one.
  • Adrian’s football stadium has been around for quite a while, and in many ways it is one of my favorite local stadiums. But I have one major gripe with it. The field has no track around it, which is something I always like to see; it brings the fans closer and gives the stadium a better atmosphere. But the seating areas were placed just a few feet too close to the field, making the sidelines a bit cramped and making the knee-high wall a real danger to players when they are forced out of bounds. On one occasion when Adams was chased out of bounds, he was unable to stop before he hit the wall; he happened to hit a crack in the wall, and while he (fortunately) escaped serious injury, he did end up with a cut on his lower leg. I realize the school district can’t make the sidelines any larger without a severely costly and impractical renovation, but I do have one suggestion: bring in padding for the concrete walls.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Railsplitters of Lincoln; the game is at Lincoln on Friday at 7:00 PM.

[Expletive Deleted], vol. 2

A week ago, following Michigan’s unexpected loss at home to Appalachian State, I urged Michigan fans not to abandon the season:

So, with the ASU game in the past, I have a request to make of my temporarily irrational fellow Michigan fans: stop being a part of the hysteria problem. Drop the suicidal overreactions and the absurd calls for a mid-season coaching change; start getting ready for next Saturday, and the ten Saturdays after that. The mourning period is over, but the season isn’t.

Of course, the next Saturday saw Michigan lose badly to Oregon, and the fan base went from apoplectic to apathetic, from getting mad to giving up. Some who were in a rage after the ASU game became morose after the Oregon game, choosing simply to surrender the season in an effort to assuage any further pain they might feel as a result of further losses. As a result, the focus of some fans and blogs has started to turn to a new subject: the next coach. But while the change in focus is understandable in some ways, I think it is premature.

Believe me, I’m not going to try to sugarcoat the two previous losses, and I’m not going to try to force unrealistic optimism for the next ten games. The first two losses were bad, and right now, there is something broken inside this team; for Michigan football and its fans, this is not a pleasant happy time of smiles and kisses, and the potential basement for this season is not thrilling territory to explore. But bad or good, happy or unhappy, win or lose, it is still football season, and that still has meaning.

See, there’s something special about football Saturdays. In an email this week, Justin (Official Mindreader Legal Counsel) reminded me just how special these few Saturdays by describing his inability to read even in the quiet of the library on autumn Fridays because of the palpable excitement pervading the campus (which, I should probably note, isn’t Michigan’s campus):

On Friday afternoons, I cannot sit in the law school and read. … I remember one Friday, my first year, I was trying to read in the library, but I just couldn’t sit still. I couldn’t figure out what was going on – the library was quiet enough. So I decided to just take a quick walk. As soon as I opened the door, it was obvious that it was a home game weekend.

That undeniable atmosphere of excitement surrounding college football means that even though Michigan is 0-2, even though the offense is sluggish and the defense seems inept, even though there may be more losses this year, and even though the worst-case scenario hasn’t been this bad in years, I still care about this season, and I still look forward to football Saturdays. There are too few of them for me to spend them detached from my team and looking forward to the next coach; I want to spend them enjoying each victory and hating each loss, no matter which way the ratio swings. The offseason is long enough for everything else; the season is too short for anything but football.

Go ahead and talk about the next coach; it won’t kill me. But I’m a Michigan football fan, and there are ten more games. Ten more games for me to anticipate for a week, ten more games to win or lose, ten more games for me to care whether Michigan wins or loses, ten more games to complete the dose of college football that will help me endure the long cold offseason. There are just ten more games this year, and no matter what happens, I know they’ll be gone long before I’m ready for them to be gone. They always are. So after the season, I’ll be ready to talk about the program’s future, but for the next ten weeks, there is a present that demands my attention.

A recent comment on MGoBlog summed it up nicely:

All the recruiting details and stadium news and Big Ten Network mess is really only to tide us over until September. Now we all just forget about football because we lost two games? These Saturdays are the whole reason we care about any of the tangential pieces. I don’t care if we’re 0-11; all I’ll want is a break-down of the upcoming OSU game.

Go Blue; beat Notre Dame.

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Take note: The MZone reports that an email is circulating among former Michigan players, urging them to gather at the stadium tunnel to show their support for the current players as they exit the team bus. To strengthen that show of support, the MZone is urging fans to show up to let the players know that the fans are still behind them. I think this is an outstanding idea and a much-needed gesture right now.