Freshmen: d. Dexter 43-22
JV: d. Dexter 28-10

Varsity 2008 record: 5-1 (3-1 SEC)

Dexter’s role in Chelsea’s football rivalry list is simple to define:

If:
Saline : Chelsea :: Ohio State : Michigan
Then:
Dexter : Chelsea :: Michigan State : Michigan

In other words, Chelsea wins a lot of football games, and Dexter wins things that aren’t football games and thus are hollow victories filled with the whipped cream of frustration (which, of course, is far inferior to the custard of fulfillment).  But despite the Bulldogs’ twelve-game winning streak and Dexter’s moribund 2008 record, Chelsea had only to remember the two prior games against Dexter — a terrifying last-minute come-from-behind win in 2006 and a close but somewhat less terrifying victory in 2008 — to avoid any fatally casual assumptions of victory in 2008.  (The memory of that Saline debacle a few weeks ago probably helps with motivation, too.  Who wants to see that again?  Only people who kick puppies, that’s who.)

Dexter won the toss and elected to kick, and a few seconds into the game, Chelsea fans thought they had reason to be nervous: the kick hit the ground in front of Nick Hill and bounced through his legs down inside the 10 yard line.  Hill, of course, was compelled to pick up the ball, but he did so with a Dexter defender closing in fast, and it looked like the Chelsea offense was going to have plenty of ground to cover.  But with a quick spritz of Eau de See You Later and a few helpful blocks along the way, Hill eluded not just the first defender but also the other ten defenders, and 92 yards later, the Dreadnaughts were trying to figure out how they got to be on the wrong end of a 7-0 score.  (The short answer: Nick Hill.  No, I’m not saying he’s short; I’m just … oh, never mind.)

Jake Mantel enjoys blocked field goals and long walks into the end zone.

Clearly, Dexter fears Colton Waterbury.

You want to try to go through Riley Feeney?  Well … it’s your funeral.

The Dexter offense searched for an answer to that question, but all it found was a loss of three yards and a three and out; Chelsea took possession on the happy side of the 50 and quickly moved inside the Dexter 10 thanks to an all-Michael 34-yard pass (Roberts to Lenneman).  Roberts also threw a touchdown pass to Brett Everding on fourth and goal, but a penalty erased that play and moved the Bulldogs back to the 10; another penalty moved them back to the 15, and they lined up for a field goal.  The field goal was blocked, but Jake Mantel picked up the ball and ran it into the end zone; after a brief conference (during which they were serenaded by accurate advice from Chelsea coach Brad Bush), the officials correctly called it a touchdown: since the ball stayed behind the line of scrimmage, it could be advanced by the kicking team.  The extra point failed, but Chelsea was up 13-0, and everything seemed to be going the Bulldogs’ way.

Another three and out again handed Chelsea excellent field position, but Dexter sacked Roberts and forced a fumble; however, for the third time in three possessions, all the Dreadnaughts could do was go three and out.  Also for the third consecutive possession, Chelsea started in Dexter territory, and the offense again took full advantage of its field position; a few plays later, a 1-yard Hill touchdown run pushed Chelsea’s lead to 20.  Thanks to a fumble on the kickoff return, Dexter’s offense didn’t even get a chance to get started, and Chelsea had one of the shortest fields in the history of short fields: the Bulldogs recovered the ball at the Dexter 2.  Hill took the two-yard journey on the next play, and Chelsea had its fourth touchdown of the first quarter.

Don’t worry; that’s Steven O’Keefe’s helmet coming off, not his head.

“Nick, I said ‘Touchdowns score six,’ not ‘Score six touchdowns.'”

He’s sorry; Nick isn’t available at this time.  But he’d be happy to take a message.

The Dreadnaughts finally gained a first down late in the first quarter, and they followed that up with another first down at the beginning of the second quarter.  But all those warm fuzzies disappeared when Dexter fumbled the ball way, way back and Chelsea way, way recovered. Randy Cox came in at quarterback and declared it the Official Drive of Brett Everding; the drive lasted two plays, both of which were passes to Everding and the second of which ended up in the end zone.  Another Dexter three and out led to a Cox touchdown pass to Mantel — he of blocked field goal touchdown fame — and with just over two minutes to go in the first half, Chelsea led 40-0.  Dexter’s last possession of the first half produced only a punt, but it did accomplish something: for the first time in the game, Chelsea started a drive in its own territory; the half ended before the Bulldogs could score, but … well, it’s not like they needed the points, right?

Arm tackles: failing to bring down Nick Hill since 2006.

Steven O’Keefe was voted Most Likely To Be Pursued By The Entire Town Of Dexter.

To start the second half, Dexter completed only one pass on its opening drive; however, that pass went for 73 yards, which just so happened to be the distance to the end zone.  The two-point conversion failed, but the quick touchdown narrowed the gap to 34; this meant that a mere 48 seconds after the running clock started, it stopped.  Chelsea quickly responded by fumbling the ball away on its first offensive play of the second half (hey, not every response is a good one); however, a quick four and out meant Dexter didn’t make the Bulldogs pay for that mistake. But Chelsea didn’t make Dexter pay for not making Chelsea pay, and after a 0-yard punt (yes, that’s zero), Dexter took over on the Chelsea 45.  This time, Dexter did make Chelsea pay for not making Dexter pay for not making Chelsea pay for not making Dexter pay: the Dreadnaughts again put the ball in the air on first down, and again, it didn’t hit the ground until after the receiver crossed the goal line.  The two-point conversion failed, but Chelsea’s lead was down to 28.

Tom LaFleur runs a diagnostic check on Bionic Coburn.

No, Jeff Minzey doesn’t have time to sign autographs right now.

Bush, apparently noticing that Dexter wasn’t being a cooperative victim, sent out his first-team offense to set things right, and Steven O’Keefe capped a 77-yard drive with a 7-yard touchdown run to bring Chelsea’s lead back to 35; Dexter quickly drove into Chelsea territory on its next drive, but a fumble brought that insurrection to a halt, and that was the last time the Dreadnaughts threatened to alter the scoreboard.  The Bulldog offense didn’t score again, but it held onto the ball long enough — nine and a half minutes, aided by the running clock — to make Dexter’s final possession effectively irrelevant; the Dreadnaughts traveled 46 yards but gained nothing, and when Dexter turned over the ball with only 16 seconds left, Chelsea had only to watch the clock run down to zero to seal a 47-12 victory.

Leftovers:

• I hinted at it in the recap, but it’s worth spelling out: Chelsea’s first six drives started in Dexter territory, and the Chelsea offense didn’t take a snap in its own territory until late in the second quarter.  (Actually, nobody took a snap in Chelsea territory until Dexter crossed midfield early in the second quarter.)  Thanks to that, Chelsea’s average starting position was its own 49.
• Michael Roberts was a perfect 5 for 5 passing for 109 yards.  Oh, and Randy Cox was 6 for 6 for 98 yards.  Also, Dakota Cooley was 4 for 4 for 35 yards.  That’s right: Chelsea’s three quarterbacks were a perfect 15 for 15.

Next Week:
Chelsea faces the Maples of Adrian; the game is on Friday in Adrian at 7:00.