Freshmen: d.  by Pioneer 12-56
JV: d. Pioneer 31-27

Varsity 2008 record: 6-1 (5-1 SEC)

After beating the #2 Adrian Maples, Chelsea continued its 2008 Tour Of Single-Digit Teams with the #9 Ann Arbor Pioneering Pioneers of Pioneer.  The teams came into the game remarkably evenly matched: Chelsea was 5-1, its record marred only by a 14-34 loss to Saline; Pioneer, too, was 5-1, its record marred only by a 3-21 loss to Adrian.  Naturally, those losses provided a clear and indisputable clue as to the better team:

• Chelsea beat Adrian; Adrian beat Pioneer; therefore, Chelsea > Pioneer.

Of course:

• Pioneer beat Saline; Saline beat Chelsea; therefore, Pioneer > Chelsea.

Uh … so yeah, like I said, the teams came into the game remarkably evenly matched, and I don’t know anyone who would use foolishly compartmentalized comparisons to divine a hint of superiority in one of the teams.  Do you know anyone who would do that?  No, of course you don’t.

That’s the strangest pushup I’ve ever seen.

Kyle Whitley demonstrates the “Superhero Riding On Top Of A Moving Vehicle” pose.

Anyway, with the teams being so evenly matched and so prone to winning, the game promised to be a rollicking riot of football entertainment.  That entertainment would include Pioneer’s own Studly Stud McStuderson, Nader Furrha, another Donovan McNabby sort of quarterback fond of running around, throwing around and winning around; of course, Chelsea would be countering with Nick Hill, who set a school record a week earlier with 312 rushing yards against an Adrian defense not noted for giving up school records.  In other words, barring miraculous defensive performances, the best description of the evening was bound to be the same as the best description of the Adrian game: “Whee!”  (For those with a more defensive perspective, a better description would be “What just happened, and why is the referee holding his arms up in the air like that?”  But thanks to TV’s effect on sports — Ratings are down!  Change the rules so there’s more scoring! — defense just isn’t cool anymore.)

Jake Hash probably doesn’t have any cell reception right now.

“I don’t care what you say; I’m not going to sing the national anthem.”

It didn’t take long for that description to become accurate; in fact, it didn’t take any time at all.  A2P3’s kickoff sailed into the end zone for a touchback — which meant the clock didn’t run — and on the very next play, Hill broke free for a 58-yard gain; a few plays later, Michael Roberts took the ball into the end zone.  Pioneer’s first drive ended in a punt, and Chelsea continued its freewheeling ways with another touchdown by Roberts; not quite eight minutes into the game, Chelsea had a pleasantly surprising 14-point lead and one burning question: would it last?

“I know they do that in spy movies to see if anyone’s following them, but … well, this isn’t a spy movie, Michael.”

Well … given the talent level of the Fighting Purple Redundancies, of course it wouldn’t last.  Pioneer drove the ball 80 yards to cut Chelsea’s lead in half at the end of the first quarter — no, really, they scored with no time on the clock — and, after forcing Chelsea into a three and out, blocked Roberts’ punt and recovered the ball for another touchdown.  Just like that, even faster than Chelsea had put up its 14-point lead, Pioneer had erased it, and the game was far too exciting again.

Pioneer’s surge didn’t last long, though; after a 43-yard Michael Lenneman kickoff return set up Chelsea near midfield, the Bulldogs leaned heavily on Hill’s shoulders — five out of six plays featured Hill — as they drove for a touchdown to retake the lead.  Pioneer went back to its punting ways, and Chelsea continued its scoring ways, this time with a 14-yard touchdown pass from Roberts to Lenneman; the Bulldogs’ lead was back to 14, but that whole 14-Purple-points-in-under-a-minute thing back there in that last paragraph didn’t make me confident that this lead would last much longer.  But it did last the final few minutes of the first half — Pioneer traveled into Chelsea territory but couldn’t score before the half ended — so that’s something, anyway.

Randy Cox, apparently delirious over Chelsea’s 14-point halftime lead, forgets that Joel Boyce is actually his teammate.  And that it’s still halftime.

Neither rain nor hail nor dark of night nor offensive linemen shall keep Kevin Rosentreter from the quarterback.

It didn’t take long for half the lead to disappear pretty quickly after halftime; Pioneer received the kickoff, and on first down, Furrha got all McNabby with a 71-yard touchdown run.  Chelsea made an effort to respond, but Roberts’ 37-yard field goal attempt fell short, and Chelsea’s lead was still only seven points.  The Pioneers really truly wanted to tie the score, but they soon had to punt the ball away; however, though the Bulldogs managed to drive inside the 20, they couldn’t extend their lead at all, and the Pioneers got another chance to tie the score.  This time, they succeeded … but then they failed.  That may sound confusing, but it’s really quite simple; they drove 88 yards for a touchdown, but they missed one important detail: the extra point.  The wayward kick kept Pioneer in a one-point hole, and with six minutes to go in the game, that little detail seemed maybe sort of kind of a little important.

Dakota Risner has plans for you, and they don’t involve Michael Roberts or the football.

Feel the love!  Also, the turf.

Still, as important as that detail may have been, it wasn’t a big enough to detail to give Chelsea much peace of mind; a one-point lead can disappear in a hurry, so to minimize the worry and maximize the peace of mind, the Bulldogs wanted to score, and they wanted to drain as much time as they could in the process.  How do you do that?  By running the ball!  And who had already carried the ball 34 times for over 250 yards?  Why, Nick Hill!  So, when Chelsea faced a key third and one, the coaches decided to give the ball to the ever-reliable Hill, and that decision worked out pretty well: instead of simply gaining the short yardage necessary for the first down, Hill responded with a remarkable 42-yard run that brought the Chelsea crowd to its feet.  Why was it remarkable?  Well, take a look:

Hill broke through the left side of the line…

…and absorbed a big hit.

But Hill’s feet weren’t planted when he was hit, and the hit was low enough that it only knocked his feet out from under him.

So Hill put his hand out to keep from going down, got his feet back on the ground…

…and took off running as the defense said, “Wait … what?”

That run got the Chelsea offense all excited, and several plays later, Hill finished the drive by taking the ball in from the four.  After Roberts made the extra point, Chelsea had a much more comforting eight-point lead with two minutes to go; that little detail of the missed extra point now loomed extra large and purply for the Pioneers: even if they scored a touchdown, they’d have to go for two just to tie the game.  For a while, it looked like Pioneer might have a chance to go for two; Furrha threw the ball all over the field and managed to get the Pioneers inside the 10 with just under a minute to go.  But a sack and two incomplete passes — the last on fourth down — ended Pioneer’s hopes of a comeback, and Chelsea had only to kneel down once to finalize a 35-27 victory.

All he said was, “If you want to go to Kilwin’s, raise your helmet!”

With a smile like that, you’d think he just set a school record in a hard-fought victory or something.

Leftovers:

• Remember that school record Hill set against Adrian?  It lasted all of one week.  Hill rushed 40 times for 340 yards and two touchdowns to surpass his previous record by 28 yards.  That brought his two-week total to 662 yards rushing and 6 touchdowns on 64 carries.
• Pioneer’s failure to score at the end of the first half was punctuated by a bizarre sequence of events.  Coming out of its last timeout with 19 seconds left, Pioneer faced a third and 5; Furrha was sacked, and with no way to stop the clock, Pioneer was forced to rush to the line to get off one more play before time expired.  One of the Chelsea linemen had lost his shoe on third down, and in the rush between plays, he had no time to put it back on; instead, he threw his shoe as far down the field as he could before the snap.  The sight of an object flying out of the line confused a lot of people, but the Pioneer center snapped the ball anyway; somewhere around the same time as the snap, somebody — presumably the referee — blew a whistle for some unknown reason.  At the sound of the whistle, everybody — including Furrha holding the ball in the backfield — stopped and looked at the referee.  Though everyone had heard a whistle, the referee yelled at the players to continue the play, and one of the Chelsea linemen obliged by tackling Furrha to end the play.  Understandably, the Pioneer coaches were miffed, but the play stood, and that’s how the half ended.
• The Bulldogs were very good on third downs against Pioneer, converting them 70% of the time (7 of 10).
• It seems the Pioneer press box staff wasn’t too fond of the final score; before I could get the usual shot of the scoreboard, they turned it off, so all I could get was a shot of the blank scoreboard.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Indians of Tecumseh; the game is in Chelsea on Friday at 7:00.

Freshmen: d. by Adrian 11-24
JV: d. Adrian 23-20

Varsity 2008 record: 5-1 (4-1 SEC)

Week 6 presented the world — well, southeastern Michigan, anyway — with a marquee SEC matchup: the Chelsea Bulldogs vs. the Adrian Maples.  Chelsea was 4-1, with its only loss being an ugly performance against Saline; Adrian was 5-0 with a string of impressive wins.  Chelsea was the reigning SEC champion with another talented team vying for another conference title; Adrian had its best team in years and, with the game at its stadium, an excellent chance to dethrone the Bulldogs and take their place atop the conference.

“Hey … why am I the only one without a helmet?”

Clearly, Grant Fanning has a magnetic personality.

In another bizarre coincidence, everyone on the team hurt an ankle at the same time.

As if all that wasn’t enough to give the Bulldogs cause for concern, the Fighting Deciduous Trees came into the game ranked #2; this meant that while Chelsea’s on-field personnel included fairly typical nomenclature like quarterback, tight end, linebacker and safety, Adrian’s was a bit different.  Through my sources, I have obtained a chart of the thoroughly intimidating offensive personnel Adrian used to attain its lofty ranking:

It probably goes without saying that victory is always difficult against a team that can field 22 positions of awesome.  But you still have to play the game, and that’s exactly what Chelsea and Adrian did.

The Bulldogs received the ball first, and after a set of consistently positive plays that got the ball to the Adrian 40, Michael Roberts lofted a deep pass down the middle of the field; Michael Lenneman, having somehow gotten maybe just kind of a little bit open, was under the pass when it came back to earth, and he strode into the end zone untouched.  The whole drive seemed a bit easier than expected, but nobody on the east sideline was complaining, and Roberts’ extra point gave Chelsea a 7-0 lead.  But that lead didn’t last long: after Chelsea quickly forced Adrian into a fourth and one, Adrian decided to gain not just one yard for the first down, but 60 yards for the touchdown.

With score tied at 7, Chelsea took over at its own 15 and promptly went backwards, ending up with a fourth and 14.  The Tasty Syrup Producers returned the punt to Chelsea’s 30 and were pretty excited about their great field position … until they realized that they probably should have paid attention in math class that day: there had been a little bit too much deciduousness on the field, and there was a flag on the play for twelve men on the field.  The 15-yard penalty gave Chelsea a first down, and the Bulldogs marched into Adrian territory as the first quarter came to a close.

It seems the defense rested.

The Adrian ballcarrier is beginning to grasp the gravity of the situation.

The second quarter opened with Chelsea failing to convert a third and ten, and the Bulldogs had to settle for a 43-yard field goal to retake the lead.  This, of course, didn’t sit well with Adrian, and a few minutes later a 25-yard field goal to once again tie the score.  It was then that the defenses decided they wanted to have a voice in the game: Adrian held Chelsea to a three and out, and two plays later, Chelsea responded by forcing a fumble at the Adrian 19.  Two plays later, Chelsea had first and goal, but the Adrian defense again stood firm, and Chelsea again settled for a field goal to take another three-point lead with 42 seconds left in the half.

Chelsea’s kickoff sailed into the end zone, and Chelsea looked to have a good chance to take its lead into the locker room.  But then on Adrian’s next snap, Nick Galvan had the audacity to take a simple handoff 80 yards for a touchdown, and all of a sudden, Chelsea’s lead was a lot less leady.  That was an unpleasant twist at the end of the first half, but there was a whole second half to counteract that, right?  Well … yeah, but it turns out the half wasn’t over just yet.  See, there were still 30 seconds left, and the Bulldogs weren’t really content to let the half end without a little more excitement; on its first snap, the Chelsea offense put together a beautiful hook and ladder play — Roberts threw a short pass to Lenneman, who immediately pitched the ball to Nick Hill, who ran and ran and ran and ran — and 66 yards later, Chelsea had its lead back.  That really was the last score of the first half — seriously! — and the teams took a break to recover from the hilariously frenetic last 42 seconds of the second quarter.

“Anybody want anything from Jimmy John’s?  I have the menu right here.”

This picture features the defensive strategy known as “Group Hug!”

Adrian received the ball to start the second half, but the Majestic Symbols of Canadian Majesty could manage nothing more than a three and out; in contrast, the Chelsea offense took the field and, like its last drive of the first half, immediately put together a one and WOOOOO!: on first down, Hill took the ball 54 yards for a touchdown to give Chelsea a 10-point lead.  Again, this didn’t sit well with Adrian: 80 yards and two minutes later, Chelsea’s lead was back to three, and the game’s stress level was back to I’m Glad There’s An Ambulance Here heights.

No, Adrian, fourth down is not the new first down.

If you put a 1 between the 3 and the 2 on his jersey, you get a school record.

As they did in the first half, the defenses decided to make another appearance, and the teams put together a string of six consecutive three and outs — three by Adrian and three by Chelsea, one of which ended with a missed 51-yard field goal attempt — that took the rest of the third quarter.  The parade of punts came to an end early in the fourth quarter when Hill fumbled a Maple punt, and Adrian took full advantage of that mistake by marching down the field and scoring a touchdown to take their first lead since late in the second quarter.  Of course, that lead lasted all of 16 seconds, and the Maples were determined to make this lead last a bit longer; in most games, that would be a realistic — even easy — goal.  However, as the end of the first half proved, this game was not most games, and Adrian could not meet its goal: twelve seconds after the Maples scored, Hill took the ball 69 yards for another touchdown to give Chelsea a 34-31 lead.

Without Michael Roberts’ teleportation abilities, this wouldn’t end well.

When George Clark wants you to fall down, you’d better fall down.

Adrian started its next drive with an illegal procedure penalty, and it didn’t get any better from there: after one first down, the Maples fumbled the ball at their own 10, and Chelsea took over with a chance to introduce a bit of desperation into Adrian’s demeanor.  But the Adrian defense, boldly risking an onslaught of scads of tree-based puns about being firmly rooted, held Chelsea out of the end zone, and the Bulldogs lined up for a field goal; however, the kick sailed wide right, and Adrian still had nearly five minutes to erase the deficit.  And given the number of big plays that littered the game summary to that point, they might have done it … but Dakota Cooley wasn’t really in the mood to see that happen, so he intercepted an Adrian pass at midfield with just over two and a half minutes to play.

With a slim lead late in the fourth, Chelsea’s primary goal was to run out the clock.  It was a good goal, too, but it didn’t really work out — not because Adrian made a big stop, but because Adrian didn’t make a big stop: for the third time in the game, Chelsea put together a one and WOOOOO! when Hill took the ball 49 yards for a touchdown.  Hill’s score — his fourth of the game — gave Chelsea a ten-point lead with two and a half minutes to play, and that was more than enough; Adrian went four and out on its last possession, and Chelsea had only to kneel down to seal a thrilling 41-31 victory.

When Chelsea people get excited, they get blurry.

Leftovers

• Thanks in large part to his long-distance touchdown runs — his four touchdowns covered 62, 54, 69 and 49 yards — Nick Hill set a school record with 24 rushes for 312 yards.  So, if Hill had given the Gettysburg Address after the game, he might have started by saying, “Four score and 312 yards ago…”
• Full photo gallery.

Next Week:
Chelsea faces the Pioneering Pioneers of Pioneer; the game is on Friday in Ann Arbor at 7:00.

Freshmen: d. Dexter 43-22
JV: d. Dexter 28-10

Varsity 2008 record: 5-1 (3-1 SEC)

Dexter’s role in Chelsea’s football rivalry list is simple to define:

If:
Saline : Chelsea :: Ohio State : Michigan
Then:
Dexter : Chelsea :: Michigan State : Michigan

In other words, Chelsea wins a lot of football games, and Dexter wins things that aren’t football games and thus are hollow victories filled with the whipped cream of frustration (which, of course, is far inferior to the custard of fulfillment).  But despite the Bulldogs’ twelve-game winning streak and Dexter’s moribund 2008 record, Chelsea had only to remember the two prior games against Dexter — a terrifying last-minute come-from-behind win in 2006 and a close but somewhat less terrifying victory in 2008 — to avoid any fatally casual assumptions of victory in 2008.  (The memory of that Saline debacle a few weeks ago probably helps with motivation, too.  Who wants to see that again?  Only people who kick puppies, that’s who.)

Dexter won the toss and elected to kick, and a few seconds into the game, Chelsea fans thought they had reason to be nervous: the kick hit the ground in front of Nick Hill and bounced through his legs down inside the 10 yard line.  Hill, of course, was compelled to pick up the ball, but he did so with a Dexter defender closing in fast, and it looked like the Chelsea offense was going to have plenty of ground to cover.  But with a quick spritz of Eau de See You Later and a few helpful blocks along the way, Hill eluded not just the first defender but also the other ten defenders, and 92 yards later, the Dreadnaughts were trying to figure out how they got to be on the wrong end of a 7-0 score.  (The short answer: Nick Hill.  No, I’m not saying he’s short; I’m just … oh, never mind.)

Jake Mantel enjoys blocked field goals and long walks into the end zone.

Clearly, Dexter fears Colton Waterbury.

You want to try to go through Riley Feeney?  Well … it’s your funeral.

The Dexter offense searched for an answer to that question, but all it found was a loss of three yards and a three and out; Chelsea took possession on the happy side of the 50 and quickly moved inside the Dexter 10 thanks to an all-Michael 34-yard pass (Roberts to Lenneman).  Roberts also threw a touchdown pass to Brett Everding on fourth and goal, but a penalty erased that play and moved the Bulldogs back to the 10; another penalty moved them back to the 15, and they lined up for a field goal.  The field goal was blocked, but Jake Mantel picked up the ball and ran it into the end zone; after a brief conference (during which they were serenaded by accurate advice from Chelsea coach Brad Bush), the officials correctly called it a touchdown: since the ball stayed behind the line of scrimmage, it could be advanced by the kicking team.  The extra point failed, but Chelsea was up 13-0, and everything seemed to be going the Bulldogs’ way.

Another three and out again handed Chelsea excellent field position, but Dexter sacked Roberts and forced a fumble; however, for the third time in three possessions, all the Dreadnaughts could do was go three and out.  Also for the third consecutive possession, Chelsea started in Dexter territory, and the offense again took full advantage of its field position; a few plays later, a 1-yard Hill touchdown run pushed Chelsea’s lead to 20.  Thanks to a fumble on the kickoff return, Dexter’s offense didn’t even get a chance to get started, and Chelsea had one of the shortest fields in the history of short fields: the Bulldogs recovered the ball at the Dexter 2.  Hill took the two-yard journey on the next play, and Chelsea had its fourth touchdown of the first quarter.

Don’t worry; that’s Steven O’Keefe’s helmet coming off, not his head.

“Nick, I said ‘Touchdowns score six,’ not ‘Score six touchdowns.'”

He’s sorry; Nick isn’t available at this time.  But he’d be happy to take a message.

The Dreadnaughts finally gained a first down late in the first quarter, and they followed that up with another first down at the beginning of the second quarter.  But all those warm fuzzies disappeared when Dexter fumbled the ball way, way back and Chelsea way, way recovered. Randy Cox came in at quarterback and declared it the Official Drive of Brett Everding; the drive lasted two plays, both of which were passes to Everding and the second of which ended up in the end zone.  Another Dexter three and out led to a Cox touchdown pass to Mantel — he of blocked field goal touchdown fame — and with just over two minutes to go in the first half, Chelsea led 40-0.  Dexter’s last possession of the first half produced only a punt, but it did accomplish something: for the first time in the game, Chelsea started a drive in its own territory; the half ended before the Bulldogs could score, but … well, it’s not like they needed the points, right?

Arm tackles: failing to bring down Nick Hill since 2006.

Steven O’Keefe was voted Most Likely To Be Pursued By The Entire Town Of Dexter.

To start the second half, Dexter completed only one pass on its opening drive; however, that pass went for 73 yards, which just so happened to be the distance to the end zone.  The two-point conversion failed, but the quick touchdown narrowed the gap to 34; this meant that a mere 48 seconds after the running clock started, it stopped.  Chelsea quickly responded by fumbling the ball away on its first offensive play of the second half (hey, not every response is a good one); however, a quick four and out meant Dexter didn’t make the Bulldogs pay for that mistake. But Chelsea didn’t make Dexter pay for not making Chelsea pay, and after a 0-yard punt (yes, that’s zero), Dexter took over on the Chelsea 45.  This time, Dexter did make Chelsea pay for not making Dexter pay for not making Chelsea pay for not making Dexter pay: the Dreadnaughts again put the ball in the air on first down, and again, it didn’t hit the ground until after the receiver crossed the goal line.  The two-point conversion failed, but Chelsea’s lead was down to 28.

Tom LaFleur runs a diagnostic check on Bionic Coburn.

No, Jeff Minzey doesn’t have time to sign autographs right now.

Bush, apparently noticing that Dexter wasn’t being a cooperative victim, sent out his first-team offense to set things right, and Steven O’Keefe capped a 77-yard drive with a 7-yard touchdown run to bring Chelsea’s lead back to 35; Dexter quickly drove into Chelsea territory on its next drive, but a fumble brought that insurrection to a halt, and that was the last time the Dreadnaughts threatened to alter the scoreboard.  The Bulldog offense didn’t score again, but it held onto the ball long enough — nine and a half minutes, aided by the running clock — to make Dexter’s final possession effectively irrelevant; the Dreadnaughts traveled 46 yards but gained nothing, and when Dexter turned over the ball with only 16 seconds left, Chelsea had only to watch the clock run down to zero to seal a 47-12 victory.

Leftovers:

• I hinted at it in the recap, but it’s worth spelling out: Chelsea’s first six drives started in Dexter territory, and the Chelsea offense didn’t take a snap in its own territory until late in the second quarter.  (Actually, nobody took a snap in Chelsea territory until Dexter crossed midfield early in the second quarter.)  Thanks to that, Chelsea’s average starting position was its own 49.
• Michael Roberts was a perfect 5 for 5 passing for 109 yards.  Oh, and Randy Cox was 6 for 6 for 98 yards.  Also, Dakota Cooley was 4 for 4 for 35 yards.  That’s right: Chelsea’s three quarterbacks were a perfect 15 for 15.

Next Week:
Chelsea faces the Maples of Adrian; the game is on Friday in Adrian at 7:00.

Freshmen: d. Lincoln 33-12
JV: d. Lincoln 67-0

Varsity 2008 record: 3-1 (2-1 SEC)

After the Series of Unfortunate Events that was Chelsea’s week three game against Saline, the Bulldogs came into week four looking to put that chapter of the season to rest.  And when I say “put that chapter of the season to rest,” I mean “utilize the anger-management methods of B.A. Baracus and the Incredible Hulk on a hapless opponent.”  There were no happy faces after the astonishingly lopsided loss to Saline, and nobody — not even Lemony Snicket — wanted to see that happen again.  Ever.  Ever ever.  However, despite Chelsea’s immense motivation, there was still an obstacle standing between the Bulldogs and the soothing salve of victory: the Lincoln Railsplitters.

Here in Chelsea, we like our pylons big and our football players bigger.

We are the knights who say knee (injury)!

It was a banner day for Corey Mantel.

There have been many years in which the Railsplitters couldn’t be considered any sort of obstacle — the woes of the Lincoln football program were detailed in this space last year — but 2008 presented a very good reason not to overlook Lincoln, and that reason was named Andrew Dillon.  In Lincoln’s 2007 game against Chelsea, Dillon showed a disconcerting amount of ability to get all Donovan McNabby on a defense (and if there’s anything that can give heartburn to a Michigan fan, it’s the thought of McNabb at Syracuse).  My trepidation level for this year’s game against Lincoln only increased when the Railsplitters opened the season by demolishing Tecumseh — giving Lincoln its first football victory in nearly four years — and, two weeks later, were within one point of the Pioneering Pioneers of Pioneer in the fourth quarter; suddenly, with Dillon’s eleventy billion yards and eighty hundred touchdowns giving the Railsplitters new hope, this, it seemed, was not your older brother’s Lincoln.

Modern conventional football wisdom says that if given the opportunity, most teams not named the Texas Tech Red Raiders — I think they actually do gain eleventy billion yards each game — should choose to kick the ball to start the game; however, in a bold declaration of an intent to score points like dead Chicago residents used to vote — early and often — Chelsea chose to receive the opening kickoff.  That bold intent had to wait, though, as Chelsea managed to gain two first downs but couldn’t convert a fourth down inside Lincoln’s 30; the Railsplitters took possession and, to the dismay of the defense, began to move the ball with surprising efficiency.  But they, too, failed to convert a fourth down, and a once-promising drive ended with no points.

Somebody must have planted cheerleader seeds.

You can look, but you can’t touch.

Well, at least he got the pass away.

Chelsea’s next drive was an episode of the hit show Nick Hill & Friends, as Hill carried the ball on every play of the three-play drive; he used a 30-yard touchdown run to finish what he started, and Chelsea took a 7-0 lead.  On its possession, Lincoln proceeded to lose 14 yards before punting, and Chelsea responded with another quick three-play drive; this time, Brett Everding took a Michael Roberts pass 50 yards to the end zone, and the Cook County voting was on like Donkey Kong (who probably was registered to vote in Cook County at some point).

At the start of the second quarter, the Lincoln offense showed slight improvement by gaining a first down; however, that improvement disappeared when it started moving backwards and ended up with a net negative of four yards on the drive.  A Lincoln unsportsmanlike conduct penalty after the punt gave Chelsea the ball inside the Lincoln 30, and the general assumption was that Chelsea would score in short order; however, that assumption wasn’t a four-star general, and Chelsea came away empty-handed thanks to a lost fumble.

I would say Lincoln averted disaster with that fumble recovery, but … well, given the remarkably severe struggles of the Railsplitter offense, averting disaster probably wasn’t an option anymore; the best remaining option was probably a call to FEMA.  This was confirmed when, on an already dire third and long situation, Lincoln lost another 22 yards, setting up a punt on fourth and 33 from its own nine yard line.  Hill called for a fair catch at the Lincoln 42, and after an unusually long drive — four plays this time — Hill took it in for his second touchdown, and Chelsea was cruising with a 21-0 lead.

Strangers in the night … exchanging glances … while one is on his way to the end zone …

“No, coach, I won’t penalize them for unsportsmanlike fashion.”

The Hulkster thinks that was a penalty, brother.

The Lincoln offense continued its tepid ways with another short drive consisting of one first down and a punt, and the Chelsea offense continued its impatient ways with its shortest drive of the game: on the first play of the drive, Everding caught a Roberts pass and took it 40 yards for his second touchdown of the game.  In the last four and a half minutes of the first half, Lincoln had two possessions and Chelsea had one; however, neither offense produced points — though Roberts did launch a 57-yard punt under pressure — and the first half ended with Chelsea holding a 28-0 lead.

Because of Chelsea’s bold declaration at the beginning of the game, Lincoln got the ball to start the second half, and the inevitable happened: Dillon started throwing the ball all over the field, and his receivers started catching it all over the field.  All of a sudden, Lincoln was moving the ball, and it looked like the Bulldogs might have to work a bit more in the second half than they had in the first.  But a sack helped bring the drive to an end, and at the end of yet another three-play drive, Hill took the ball for a 35-yard ride into the end zone for his third touchdown of the day and a 35-0 Chelsea lead.

Is Riley Feeney’s right shoulder really detachable?  That could be useful.

Jake Powell’s looking at you, kid.

This little piggy went to market…

Though there were nearly 19 minutes left to play, the game was effectively out of hand; Chelsea’s five scoring drives had averaged just under three plays per drive, so maintaining a comfortable lead wouldn’t be a problem for the Bulldogs.  But Lincoln still had life left, and the Railsplitter offense proved as much by putting together an 80-yard scoring drive — built on Dillon’s 4-for-4 passing performance — and with a successful two-point conversion, Lincoln narrowed Chelsea’s lead to 35-8.

Chelsea’s second-team offense took the field and proceeded to drive into Lincoln territory with little difficulty; however, one minute into the fourth quarter, the offense fumbled the ball away.  But whatever offensive magic Lincoln had used over the last two drives was long gone, and the Chelsea defense forced Lincoln into a three and out.  The Railsplitters lined up to punt, but the Chelsea defense, in a fit of mischief, broke through the line and blocked Dillon’s punt, and Chelsea took over on the Lincoln 15.  And can you guess how many plays it took Chelsea to score?  That’s right: yet again, it took three plays, the last of which was a Jake Powell three-yard touchdown run.

Wait … are you telling me they’re not high school football players?

Life didn’t get any better for Lincoln, as the Railsplitters fumbled the ball on the first play of their drive; however, Chelsea went four and out and gave the ball right back.  Lincoln started to move the ball again, but the drive stalled at the Chelsea 25, and the Bulldogs took over with three and a half minutes to play; three first downs later, the clock was all zeros, and Chelsea had a 42-8 victory.

Leftovers:

• Dillon had a rough evening; he finished with 181 yards passing, but those came in fits and starts, and he also finished with with a frigid rushing total of 56 below zero.
• If you think all Brett Everding did was catch touchdown passes, you’re right: he had two catches for 90 yards and two touchdowns.
• Nick Hill, apparently determined to make up for lost time, contributed 145 yards and 3 touchdowns.
• Speaking of making up for lost time: Scott Rhodes had six solo tackles against Lincoln; that brings his three-game total to 13 solo tackles and 4 assisted tackles.
• None of Chelsea’s six scoring drives took more than four plays, and none was longer than 1:05.
• As shown in the picture at the beginning of this recap, the players wrote “R.I.P. 65” on their eye black stickers as a tribute to Ben Rodgers, a former Bulldog who was recently killed in a car accident.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Dreadnaughts of Dexter; the game is in Chelsea on Friday at 7:00.  You don’t really want to miss a Chelsea/Dexter game, do you?  No, I didn’t think so.

Freshmen: d. Saline 39-28
JV: d. by Saline 9-25

Varsity 2008 record: 2-1 (1-1 SEC)

The Chelsea/Saline rivalry is a long and storied rivalry, full of very storied rivalicious things like wins, losses and ties; in fact, the rivalry dates back nearly 80 years to 1930 — when both schools’ colors were Light Gray and Really Dark Gray, because the world was still in black and white — and through 2007, the rivalry was full of 41 Chelsea victories, 40 Saline victories and 5 ties.  (If you examine the earlier years of the rivalry you may find considerably more ties, but instead of the type on the scoreboard, they would be the type worn around the neck.  Of course, times have changed dramatically; modern overtime rules have rendered the former obsolete, while modern standards of dress have rendered the latter formal.  Only Penn State coach Joe Paterno, whose mid-life crisis caused the Great Depression, bothers to wear a tie on the sideline anymore.)  Of all Chelsea’s long-term conference series, this is by far the most competitive; this means that while Dexter is a main rival across a number of sports, Saline is Chelsea’s primary rival in football.

“Does this helmet make my head look unusually tall?”

In a bizarre coincidence, everyone on the team lost a contact at the same time.

Yes, yellow and blue make green, but that doesn’t make it a school color.

The most notable aspect of this particular installment of the series concerned the Hornets: two games into the season, Saline — typically one of the area’s stronger teams — was a shocking 0-2, having lost to the Pioneering Pioneers of Pioneer and Bedford.  However, the sensible among us knew that, as is the case with most rivalries, Saline’s moribund start to the season didn’t guarantee a Chelsea victory; this meant the sensible among us were properly concerned about the potential of a very angry Saline football team taking the field and looking very un-0-2like.

When the game started, the sensible among us wondered if perhaps we had been a bit too sensible: Chelsea took possession and promptly held the ball for over five minutes while it marched into Saline territory and made funny faces at the Saline defense.  (What, you don’t believe me?  Well, have you seen the face of a football player being tackled?  Believe me, it’s funny.)  But then somebody went beyond making funny faces and attracted a flag for holding, and the drive stalled at the Saline 30 with no scoreboard damage done.  That was no big deal, though, because Saline had the audacity to gain a whole four yards on its first drive, and after a 15-yard punt, Chelsea got the ball back with good field position and a good chance to crunch some numbers.

Say hello to Nick Hill’s large friends, Tim Rosentreter and Nick Hall.

“I thought you said it was going to rain!  Where’s the rain?”

If you want Michael Roberts’ jersey as a souvenir, please ask first.

The second drive was somewhat less successful than the first, as it stalled after only one first down; Chelsea turned the ball over on downs within a few yards of where its first drive had stalled, and Saline was back in business.  But Saline, too, managed only one first down before its offense stalled, and it sent out the punting unit again; this time the punt was a bit more successful, and Chelsea took over with exceedingly average field position — its own 22 — and a fever whose only prescription was not more cowbell, but instead was a score of some sort.  But three plays later, Chelsea put the ball on the ground, and there was much rejoicing in Saline as the Hornets recovered the fumble inside the Chelsea 30.  And three plays later…

…The quarter ended.  But the next play was a Saline touchdown, and Chelsea found itself staring at a 7-0 deficit.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, Chelsea — apparently having developed a severe case of football dropsy — fumbled the ensuing kickoff, and Saline took full advantage by scoring a touchdown four plays later.  All of a sudden, Saline had a 14-point lead, and Chelsea had absolutely no idea why everything seemed to be going wrong.  The next drive didn’t help much, as two sacks helped bring out the punting unit in short order; Saline took possession in Chelsea territory and marched inside the 15 before being forced to settle for a field goal.

we’re on ur artifishul turf, takklin ur runnin back.

Must … destroy … quarterback …

Why yes, Nick Hill is a great American.  Thanks for noticing.

It seemed the Chelsea offense was stirred by the defense’s work in preventing a touchdown, because it shook off the ineffectiveness of its previous three possessions to put together a nearly 80-yard drive — key to which were two fourth-down conversions, one a Randy Cox pass to Nick Hill and the other a Cox scramble — to put its first points on the board with a touchdown pass to Brett Everding.  That cut the deficit to a more manageable 10, and it seemed as though Chelsea was finally getting itself into the game.  But the world did have one more bit of unpleasantness to heap upon the Bulldogs before the first half ran out: Saline still had nearly a minute and a half to work with, and it used that time — and a 15-yard face mask penalty — to kick one more field goal to extend its lead to 13 as the second quarter expired.

Tag!  You’re it!  And you’re down, too.

Wait … they have a 55 yard line in Saline?  Is this Canada or something?

Randy Cox would like to take this opportunity to avoid your tackle.

Saline received the ball to start the second half, and in an encouraging sign for Chelsea, the Bulldog defense didn’t let the Hornets cross midfield.  In an even more encouraging sign for Chelsea, the Bulldog offense took possession and promptly jaunted into Saline territory; however, the drive stalled on fourth down inside the Saline 30.  The Hornets celebrated their defensive stand by moving down the field and scoring a touchdown to extend their lead to 20, and most of that early encouragement went out the window.  (Well, since it was an outdoor game, I suppose it would make more sense to say the encouragement went in the window.  I hope the concessions crew enjoyed it.)

Chelsea’s next drive went a whole lot of nowhere, and the hopes for a comeback were beginning to dim as the third quarter wound down.  The dimming paused momentarily when Saline punted the ball right back to Chelsea, but a penalty and a sack put the brakes on the Bulldog offense, and Saline rocked my figures of speech with a 65-yard touchdown drive to take a daunting 34-7 lead with under 10 minutes to play.

I am a football official, and I approve of Brett Everding’s touchdown.

Bareis & Crabtree may sound like a law firm, but it’s not.

Your tackle has failed.  Please enjoy the inevitable effects of gravity.

Chelsea did have another bright spot yet to come, and it occurred on the kickoff following Saline’s last touchdown: Michael Lenneman took the kickoff 90 yards — breaking several tackles along the way — for a touchdown.  (There was a flag on the play, but it was a 15-yard face mask penalty on Saline.)  Chelsea’s onside kick didn’t work (though it definitely wasn’t an onside nudge), but Saline helpfully went three and out, and Chelsea had a shot to bring Saline’s lead back within shouting distance.  As it had on several previous drives, the offense moved the ball well into Saline territory; in fact, it even got the ball inside the 10 yard line.  But two sacks and another negative play brought the drive to a close, and Saline easily drained the clock to end the game and to hand Chelsea its first defeat of the season.

Leftovers:

• The game was broadcast live on the internet thanks to the Great American Rivalry Series; as a part of the hoopla, Chelsea senior Michael Roberts received a scholarship and longtime Chelsea coach Phil Bareis received an award.

Next Week:
Chelsea faces the Railsplitters of Lincoln; the game is at 7:00 on Friday in Chelsea.  Be there.

Freshmen: d. Northville 28-14
JV: d. Northville 10-7

Varsity 2008 record: 2-0 (1-0 SEC)

Before the pre-game meal, Nick Hill is focused on the tastiness that is to come.

After a thrillingly inconsistent week 1 victory over Ann Arbor Huron, Chelsea prepared to face Northville, a team it had never before faced in nearly 80 years of football history.  A few minutes on the internet yielded one crucial bit of information about this heretofore unknown opponent: its mascot was the Mustang.  (It was not immediately clear whether it was intended to be the American feral horse, the American feral sports car or a tribute to the enduring blues classic Mustang Sally.  Traditionalists argued for the first option, car lovers for the second, and legendary blues musician B.B. King for the third; B.B. King won the argument, because … well, come on, he’s B.B. King.  But niggling copyright issues awarded the victory to the traditionalists and their one-horsepower horses.)  Further research, both on the internet and in real life, yielded a cacophony of information that told me nothing in the form of a little bit of everything:

• Michigan-Football.com told me Northville has posted a halfhearted 29-48 record with only two winning seasons since 2000, including a 1-8 record in 2007; however, those winning seasons were 8-4 and 7-3 seasons, and those records are nothing to sneeze at … unless you’re allergic to winning records.  And if you are, you should probably get out of the football business, Matt Millen.
• The week 1 results told me Northville defeated Pinckney 27-7; however, considering Pinckney’s woeful 15-58 record since 2000, that told me roughly as much about Northville as Atlanta’s win over Detroit told me about the Falcons: it told me they’re good enough to beat a struggling program (oh, don’t tell me the Lions’ successful preseason had you fooled).  That could place them anywhere from Not Too Shabby to Pretty Darn Excellent, which is a range that probably includes the majority of teams in the state of Michigan — including Chelsea.
• A knowledgeable Chelsea individual told me Northville was “better than we thought they were”; however, since he didn’t tell me how good we thought they were, that nebulous insight merely confirmed the nebulous insight contained in the previous bullet point.  And, for you math majors out there, nebulous + nebulous = too nebulous.  (All you English majors who tuned out at the word “math” can start paying attention again.)

All that nagging nebulosity meant that I arrived at the stadium on Friday with absolutely no idea of what to expect from the Typically Small And Lightly Built American Feral Horses from Northville.  Of course, in light of Chelsea’s Tale of Two Halves performance against Huron (First half: wow!  Second half: whew!), I really wasn’t sure what to expect from the People Noted For Courageous Or Stubborn Tenacity from Chelsea.  But really, in this modern era of statistical and informational overload, it was unique experience to go into a game without a preconceived box that would end up defining the outcome either as a defiance or a confirmation of existing information; instead of the game being used as proof or contradiction of some presumed knowledge, it could stand alone and simply define itself.  The task of writing these recaps makes me appreciate the wealth of information easily available even in the world of high school football, but sometimes I just want to know less; this game gave me that opportunity, and it was refreshing.

Clearly, Blake Blaha knows the answer to your question.

It’s not so much a chin strap as it is a lower-lip strap.

Chelsea received the ball to start the game, and the offense made a quick journey into Northville territory; however, an incomplete pass on fourth down gave Northville the ball with no damage done.  The resulting Mustang drive was notable for two reasons, one of which was very good and one of which was very bad.  First, the good: Northville’s first play was a rush for only one yard, and the tackle was made by senior cornerback Scott Rhodes, who was seeing his first game action since suffering an extraordinarily serious injury near the end of the 2008 baseball season.  Next, the bad: the very next play saw Northville complete a pass to the Chelsea eight yard line, and three plays later, the Mustangs had a 7-0 lead.

“Wait … where did I leave my car keys?”

Steven O’Keefe just wants to stay clear of Jesse Jaynes’ impending act of violence.

Adam Taylor can sack your quarterback … with his mind.

That wasn’t exactly the start the Bulldogs wanted, but Cody Adams returned the Northville kickoff just past midfield, and it seemed like all was right with the world; sadly, the world still had its issues to work through in therapy, so Chelsea gained all of four yards and went three and out.  Fortunately, the world’s issues also stymied Northville’s offense and special teams; after one Mustang first down and a severely wayward 15-yard punt, Chelsea gained possession with excellent field position.  The Bulldogs didn’t squander the field position this time; four plays into the possession, Michael Roberts tied the score with a 25-yard touchdown pass to Jake Mantel.  But this didn’t sit well with the Mustangs, who proceeded to stage an impressive 10-play scoring drive to put Chelsea right back at square -7.

Ah, but that didn’t last even two minutes, as Adams yet again returned the kickoff into Northville territory and, a few plays later, followed that up with a 23-yard touchdown run to yet again tie the score.  And this time it lasted longer than one drive, as Scott Devol intercepted a Northville pass and returned it to the four yard line.  The Mustang defense made Chelsea work for the go-ahead touchdown — Randy Cox had to take it in from the one on fourth down — but with just over three minutes to go in the first half, the Bulldogs finally took the lead for the first time in the game.  A missed extra point meant it was only a six-point lead, but remember: six is more than zero.

Scott Rhodes makes your stiff-arm a noodle-arm.  And then he tackles you.

If it happened at a Chelsea football game, Kenny saw it.  See?  He’s watching right now!

Why yes, Dakota Cooley would love to help you do a somersault.

Northville’s next possession went pretty much nowhere, and Chelsea took possession on the sunny side of the 50 with nearly two minutes to play; however, the Bulldogs gave the ball right back by way of an interception, and Northville had the ball with nearly a minute to put some points on the board.  But there was one small problem: the Mustangs had already used all three timeouts, and they had almost 80 yards to go.  And for you chefs out there, 80 yards, 46 seconds and no timeouts is not the best recipe for success in high school football (although if you added a stick or two of butter, it would be a whole lot tastier).  Northville failed to cross midfield, and the half ended with Chelsea holding a 20-14 lead.

It may look like it, but no, Cody Adams doesn’t use a force field to deter tacklers.

“Do I HAVE to stop hitting when you blow the whistle?”

No, he’s not angry; he’s just determined.

Both offenses continued to stagnate at the beginning of the second half as the opening drives for both teams went backwards.  Northville’s second drive was only a marginal improvement (it didn’t go backwards), but Chelsea’s second drive was a massive improvement, in part thanks to a change of pace at quarterback: Roberts scrambled into Northville territory and, two plays later, hit Michael Lenneman with a 45-yard touchdown pass to extend Chelsea’s lead to 27-14.  Life was good, and it seemed to be getting better; Northville’s next drive stalled, and Chelsea took over and began to drive down the field again.  But a personal foul on Chelsea brought the drive to an abrupt halt at the end of the third quarter, and thanks to a fourth and 21, the first play of the fourth quarter was a Chelsea punt.

And … yeah, that didn’t go so well.  Not for Chelsea, anyway.  Northville blocked the punt and took over on the Chelsea 30 and was all excited and stuff because, you know, punt blocks are exciting and stuff.  That excitement continued as Northville quickly drove inside the ten yard line, but as the Mustangs soon discovered, excitement is not a loyal emotion: the Chelsea defense stood tall and stopped Northville on fourth and goal from the one, and every bit of excitement switched sidelines.  It got worse for Northville as the referee called a personal foul after the play, and instead of starting from the one yard line, the Bulldogs took possession at the 16.  Chelsea didn’t score on its drive, but it took almost five minutes off the clock before it had to punt.

Spirit fingers now; jazz hands later.

Where’s Kyle Coburn?

There’s Kyle Coburn!

Northville took over with two and a half minutes to play and a dire need to score immediately.  Something did happen immediately, but it wasn’t a score; instead, it was a fumble that Chelsea recovered at the Northville 2.  It looked like Chelsea was going to put the game out of reach once and for all, but as always, looks can be deceiving: Chelsea fumbled the ball back on the very next play, and Northville was right back in business.  Very desperate business to be sure, but business nonetheless.  And that business was somewhat successful, but not really: Northville scored to narrow the gap, but it took two minutes to do so, leaving only 20 seconds on the clock.  The Mustangs’ first onside kick attempt was cut short due to an offsides call, and the second attempt was recovered by Chelsea; two plays (and one Northville timeout) later, the game was done, and Chelsea had a 27-20 victory.

Leftovers:

• In his first football action since being cleared to play, Rhodes finished with four solo tackles and one assist.
• Nick Hill didn’t play, though he was dressed and cleared to play.  His absence was again described as precautionary; he should see action against Saline.
• As usual, the Chelsea offense was outgained; this time it was 331 to 245, and it probably didn’t help that Northville ran 15 more plays than Chelsea.  But yet again, Chelsea produced more points than its opponent, and that’s the only metric that matters at the end of the game.

Next week:
The Bulldogs face the Very Angry 0-2 Hornets of Saline; the game is in Saline at 7:00 on Friday. If you can’t be there, the game will be streamed live on the internet as part of the Great American Rivalry Series.

(Before you ask: TW3 is the team slogan this year; it stands for Together We Will Win … or Toast Wheat Waffles Whimsically.  I think it depends on your hunger level, and whether or not Whimsical Wheat Waffle Toasting is a competitive sport.  If it is, I could probably out-whimsical you.)

Freshmen: d. Huron 46-8
JV: d. Huron 21-12

Varsity 2008 record: 1-0 (1-0 SEC)

It was nice of Huron to place these pipes near the field in order to catch football players when they fall.

Back in the late 90s, Chelsea added Ann Arbor Huron as one of its non-conference games.  At that point, Huron was one of the top football programs in the area, while Chelsea was still an up-and-coming team under its new coach, Brad Bush; however, Huron won the first game and then proceeded to rest on its laurels for the next four years, exiting the contract with a dismal — and somewhat surprising — 1-4 record against Chelsea.  (Perhaps more surprising is that three of Chelsea’s four victories were by more than 20 points, including an astonishing 53-21 blowout in 1999.)  Since the end of that matchup, Chelsea has been one of the top programs in the area, while Huron has achieved only one winning record, that being a middling 6-4 finish in 2002.

For the last decade, Huron has floated in independence — like Notre Dame, but without the lucrative TV contract — which has made for a lot of driving, some strange matchups (like Ontario’s Chatham Ursiline, which plays Canadian Football That Isn’t American, Nor Is It Curling) and zero conference championships, unless you count its Conference Of One championships, which it has managed to win every year despite stiff competition from itself.  However, the more recent reorganization of the SEC — including the addition of Huron’s crosstown rival, the Pioneering Pioneers of Pioneer — finally gave Huron a conference home, and the 2008 football season marked not just the resumption of the Chelsea/Huron series, but also Huron’s first season in the SEC.

What their expressions say, from left to right:
1)”How much longer do we have to wait?”
2)”I’m ready whenever.”
3)”KILL!”

Uh … seriously?  An arm tackle?  Yeah, not so much.

Unsurprisingly, much of the fans’ pregame focus was on the matchup of the teams’ Studly Stud McStudersons.  For Chelsea, that was its junior running back Nick Hill, who was last seen in Beijing powering through arm tackles on his way to a gold medal in the 100 meter You Can’t Stop Me, and who recently picked up an offer from Stanford; for Huron, that was its junior wide receiver Jeremy Jackson, who is currently being recruited by college football powerhouses like Texas, Michigan and Florida, as well as several small South American countries.  (Recruiting analysts believe Paraguay holds a slight lead, but Ecuador is making a strong push.)  The News found the McStudersons compelling enough to name the contest one of its games of the week and the atmosphere found them compelling enough to provide completely gorgeous weather for the game, which meant there was a sizable crowd eager to watch the first football action of the 2008 season.

That action started quickly, with Hill providing the first burst of fireworks just a few plays into Chelsea’s first drive; he ran to the right and, after breaking a tackle or two, took the ball well into Huron territory, setting up Steven O’Keefe — whose name isn’t pronounced “oh-KEE-fee,” no matter what the Huron announcer might try to tell you — for a 9-yard touchdown run.  The Chelsea defense did its part by forcing a three and out, and on the Bulldogs’ ensuing drive, O’Keefe and Hill traded places, with the former setting up the latter for a touchdown; just a few minutes into the first quarter, the Bulldogs held a surprising 14-0 lead, and some were beginning to wonder if the game of the week was really going to be a game.

First bad sign for the defense: a lineman can’t find anyone to block.

Second bad sign for the defense: even the coaches are getting happy.

Third bad sign for the defense: the ball is crossing the goal line.

Huron began to form an answer to that question when its defense stiffened and its offense Jacksoned; after a catch deep in Chelsea territory by You-Know-Who, Huron cut the lead in half, and it was a game again … until Chelsea scored two more touchdowns in the second quarter — one by Hill, and the other by Michael Lenneman — for a commanding 28-7 halftime lead.  But there was another half of football yet to be played, and the crowd soon discovered that Chelsea would be playing that half of football without its top running back; Hill suffered a thigh bruise in the first half, and thanks to that 21-point lead, Chelsea coach Brad Bush decided to sit him for the second half as a purely precautionary measure.  Could Chelsea hold onto its lead without Hill?  Or would Huron’s offensive firepower awaken and force Hill back into the game?  You probably already know the answer to those questions, so I don’t know why I even bothered to ask!  But hey, keep reading anyway.

Cal Bauer can tackle you without even touching the ground.

“No, Dakota, Plymouth Road is that way.  You were headed towards Washtenaw.”

Does somebody need a hug?  Yes, I think somebody needs a hug!

Huron started the third quarter as quickly as Chelsea had started the first; before long, the River Rats were knock knock knockin’ on the end zone’s door, and a murmur of concern began to ripple through the Chelsea faithful.  The murmur changed to an elated roar when the Bulldog defense stood tall and stopped Huron on fourth and goal, but the roar softened when the offense stalled and gave the ball back to Huron.  The murmur returned when Jackson hauled in a pass for a touchdown, and the murmur became even more murmury after Huron converted a Chelsea turnover into a touchdown thanks to another Braylon-like catch for the Jackson One; all of a sudden, Chelsea’s lead was only 9, and Huron was beginning to dominate.

HULK SMASH!

Michael Lenneman works best with an audience.

The news only got worse when a Chelsea punt, apparently having been shipped without a factory-installed navigation system, went more sideways than forwards, and Huron took possession with enviable field position and a wealth of momentum; another River Rat touchdown seemed nearly inevitable.  But somehow, the Chelsea defense forced a Huron turnover on downs, and the Bulldogs took over with a desperate need to accomplish at least one of two goals:

• Possess the ball for as long as possible
• Score

Both goals looked to be hopeless when Chelsea quickly found itself staring at a third and long; however, senior tight end Jake Mantel caught a short pass and took it a long way — 33 yards — for a massively enormously hugely gigantic first down.  A few plays later, Chelsea was staring at yet another third down, but this time Cody Adams took charge and appeared to be headed not just for a first down but for a touchdown; unfortunately, that particular football was born free, as free as the wind blows, and it hopped out of his arm at the five yard line.  After a mad scramble, Huron recovered the ball in the end zone for a touchback, and just like that, the River Rats were back in business.

Ah, but in this economy, business can be tenuous, and Huron’s business soon ran into serious problems — specifically, a serious problem named Riley Feeney, who intercepted an ill-fated pass and gave the Chelsea offense the ball in Huron territory.  On the very next play, quarterback Randy Cox, having grown weary of the constant drama of the second half, lofted a touchdown pass to a wide open Michael Lenneman.  Huron, apparently startled by the massive momentum shift, subsequently turned the ball over on downs, and once again, it looked as though Chelsea had the game in hand.

Isn’t it beautiful?  Oh, and the sunset is nice, too.

Michael Lenneman REALLY has to go to the bathroom.

That happy feeling lasted for only a few minutes, which is how long it took for Chelsea to fumble the ball away; a few plays later, Huron took advantage of the turnover with a 40-yard touchdown pass (but not to You-Know-Who!), and after a two-point conversion (uh … yeah, to You-Know-Who), Chelsea’s once-commanding lead was down to a vaguely confused eight-point lead with just under four minutes to play.  Time being as short as it was, Huron decided to attempt an onside kick; however, the attempt went only five yards instead of the required ten, which would make it more of an onside nudge.  Chelsea took possession without having to field a kick and ran out the clock without any further excitement to seal the 35-27 victory.

Leftovers

• Chelsea won the game but was outgained by over 50 yards (Huron 388, Chelsea 330).  I’d call this the Jackson Effect; Chelsea rushed for more yards (Chelsea 185, Huron 132), but Huron passed for considerably more yards (Huron 256, Chelsea 138) thanks largely to Jackson’s 95 yards on 6 catches.
• Hill put up good numbers despite playing only the first half; he rushed for 86 yards and two touchdowns on 13 carries, for an average of 6.6 yards per carry.
• Chelsea has a new addition to the coaching staff this year: Joe Tripodi.  That name should be familiar to those who have been watching Chelsea football for a while; Tripodi was a lineman for the Bulldogs, and he went on to be a starter for Northwestern.  He’s a friendly guy; also, he’s HUGE.  If you ever meet him, be sure to tie some sort of lifeline to your hand; otherwise, it might get lost in Tripodi’s hand when you shake it.  (And no, he’s not the same Joe Tripodi who is a member of the Australian government.)
• Several former players came out to support the team as it opened the 2008 season; I’m not sure how many were there, but I talked to three of them.  It was nice to see.
• Full photo gallery.

Next Week
Chelsea faces the Northville Mustangs; the game is in Chelsea on Friday at 7:00 P.M.  Be there.

Tuesday: Football
Tuesday marked Chelsea’s first day of conditioning in preparation for the upcoming football season.

(Full gallery.)