Freshmen: d. by Bedford 0-29
JV: d by Bedford 15-38

Varsity 2008 record: 7-2 (6-2 SEC)

Since Bedford joined the SEC in 2002, Chelsea has never had a problem with the Kicking Mules; through 2007, the Bulldogs held a 6-0 record with an average margin of victory of almost 22 points.  In other words, Chelsea has never lost to Bedford, and aside from a 14-0 win in 2002, it hasn’t really been close.  This winning streak has been aided by Bedford’s string of losing seasons; the last winning record for the Kicking Mules was 5-4 in 2002.

Even in that light, this year’s game posed a new challenge: Chelsea was coming off a surprising loss to then 2-5 Tecumseh, and Bedford had put together a strong 5-3 record.  Furthermore, Chelsea already had a playoff berth guaranteed, while Bedford needed to beat the Bulldogs to ensure its first playoff appearance since 1990.  A Chelsea victory would secure an SEC championship and keep alive the hopes for a home playoff game, but leading experts agree: needing a win just to make the playoffs is mighty strong motivation.

The night was notable for one other reason: it was the first time all season that the weather was anything other than good.  Through eight weeks, the worst Friday night weather had been cloudy with some chance of rain at Saline (and it never did rain that evening, unless you count the downpour of Saline touchdowns); however, when Bedford came to town, so did the cloud perspiration.  It wasn’t a full rainstorm, but it was a heavy enough mist to get everything wet.

Chinstrap?  Aaron Gates doesn’t need no stinkin’ chinstrap.

Mike Baker thinks he can sneak past Adam Taylor.

Chelsea won the coin toss and elected to receive the ball, and Bedford started the game like a team that really, really wanted to win: the kickoff was a squibby little thing bouncing here and there, and it confused the Bulldogs just enough to give Bedford time to recover the ball.  And if that wasn’t irritating enough, the Kicking Mules proceeded to drive for a touchdown; they went for two — which, along with the strange kickoff, led to some suspicion that they, like Tecumseh, didn’t have a kicker — and took an early 8-0 lead.  But the Bulldogs wanted to win a little, too, and they matched Bedford’s touchdown drive with one of their own, capped by a 22-yard Nick Hill touchdown run.  Since Chelsea has a kicker, there was none of this going for two business, so Bedford still had the lead; however, it was only a one-point lead, and studies have shown that one-point leads are the leading cause of gray hair in football coaches.

Bedford, taking sympathy on its coach and his hair, moved right back down the field and scored another touchdown; this time, the two-point conversion — more evidence of a missing kicking game — failed, giving the Kicking Mules a more hair-friendly seven-point lead.  Chelsea, determined to continue the Festival of Offense, put together another drive and, on the first play of the second quarter, Hill took the ball in from the three.  The extra point tied the game at 14, and after four consecutive scoring drives, the defenses were wondering if they had been invited to the game.

George Clark and the Chelsea defense don’t mind a little rain.

Michael Roberts takes a hit from the Headless Mule.

It turns out the defenses had been invited, but only for a little while; after Bedford and Chelsea traded three and outs, Bedford put together a one and WOOOOO! with a 40-yard touchdown pass … but the addition stopped at six when the two-point conversion failed again.  After that outburst, the defenses rejoined the party; both teams got the ball before the half ended, but neither one managed to score — though Bedford got inside the 10 before an illegal block pushed the ball back to the 20 — and the half ended with the Kicking Mules leading 20-14.

Chad Schiller carries the ball like the Three Tenors carry a tune.

Nobody gets lonely in Chelsea.

As it had at the start of the game, Bedford started the second half like a team that really, really wanted to win: the Kicking Mules staged a thoroughly impressive 93-play drive that took eight and a half minutes off the clock and put eight more points on the scoreboard.  With just over three minutes to play in the third quarter, things were looking great for The Team From Almost But Not Quite Ohio and not so great for the Bulldogs … until Chelsea answered with its own one and WOOOOO! thanks to a 60-yard touchdown run by Hill.  As if that wasn’t enough, Bedford fumbled the ball away on its own 25, and Chelsea just kept giving the ball to Hill until he scored (four plays later) on a one-yard run.  The extra point gave Chelsea fourteen unanswered points in two minutes, and the game was tied with a minute left in the third quarter.

Bedford loves Nick Hill…

…And Nick Hill loves the end zone. (But not on the same play.)

As the fourth quarter began, the teams traded punts … but then the Kicking Mules started to give Chelsea very unpleasant flashbacks to Tecumseh’s eternal game-winning touchdown drive.  They gained yard after yard and first down after first down — even converting a fourth down — and with under a minute to play, they had first and goal at the 10.  The flashbacks to the previous week’s loss were becoming more intense, and another late loss was beginning to look likely; however, with time winding down, Bedford faced a fourth and goal at the one yard line, and all the suspicions about their kicking game were confirmed when the Mules took the “Kicking” off their moniker — if you have no apparent kicking game, can you be called the Kicking Mules? — and left the offense on the field to try once more for the game-winning touchdown instead of taking a chance at the shortest field goal possible.  But there was one problem: Bedford didn’t wait for the official to put the ball in play, and the resulting penalty pushed the Not Kicking But Going For It Mules back from the one to the six.  With all the nice safe short-yardage running plays off the menu, Bedford’s last chance at a win in regulation ended in an incomplete pass, and all the people said hello, overtime.

Chelsea won the coin toss and elected to win; however, the referee said that wasn’t a valid option, so Chelsea decided to make Bedford take the ball first.  The Mules picked up where they left off, running the ball three times and getting down to the two yard line; yet again, given the choice between a short field goal and a maybe-touchdown on fourth down, Bedford eschewed the more likely scoring opportunity — an atypical choice for the team going first in overtime — and once again became the Going For It Mules.  This time the play was a run, but it ended in much the same futility as the last play of regulation: the ballcarrier was stopped for no gain.

Is Chad Schiller excitable?  I can’t tell.

Since Bedford scored no points, the Bulldogs simply had to score something to win the game … and that’s exactly what they did.  On first down, Roberts handed the ball to Hill, and he made sure there would be no need for the Kicking Bulldogs by taking it in for the touchdown; with that touchdown — Hill’s fifth of the game — Chelsea escaped with a 34-28 win.

We’re happy!  Well, most of us, anyway.

Either he’s overjoyed or he’s desperately trying to escape.

It seems fewer Bulldogs want to go to Kilwin’s this week.

Leftovers:

• The end of the 2008 freshman football season marked the retirement of longtime Chelsea coach Bill Bainton; at halftime, Bainton was recognized for his 28 years of service to Chelsea football.
• Chelsea won the game despite being outdone in nearly every statistic, most notably total yardage (404 to 281) and first downs (22 to 11).
• Against Bedford, Nick Hill rushed for 236 yards and five touchdowns on 25 carries.  His season totals: 1,428 yards on 180 carries for an average of 7.9 yards per carry.  His per-game average is listed at 158.7, but that’s an average for nine games played; since Hill played only eight — he sat out the Northville game — his per-game average is actually 178.5.  When it comes to scoring, he had a total of 20 touchdowns: 19 rushing and one kickoff return.

Next week:
The playoffs begin!  In the first round, Chelsea faces the Big Reds of Milan; the game is in Chelsea on Friday at 7:00.

Freshmen: d. by Tecumseh 6-42
JV: d. by Tecumseh 27-30

Varsity 2008 record: 6-2 (5-2 SEC)

The 2007 football season was a wild ride for Tecumseh; as they adjusted to a new coach, the Indians started the season with three consecutive losses — the last of which was a 26-41 loss to Chelsea — but followed those losses with six consecutive wins to qualify for the playoffs.  But the first round of the playoffs brought Tecumseh back to Chelsea for a rematch, and the Indians’ season ended with a 14-46 loss.  Still, the surprising six-game winning streak prompted hope for another successful season in 2008.

That hope for 2008 wavered when the Indians opened the season by losing to Lincoln, reappeared when they defeated Huron in week 2, and disappeared completely when they lost four straight games to drop to 1-5.  They ended the losing streak by beating Dexter in week 7, but that brought them to Chelsea’s Jerry Niehaus Field at 2-5 and firmly out of playoff contention.  Between that and Tecumseh’s 6-game losing streak to Chelsea dating back to 2003, things just weren’t looking good.

Brian Bazydlo spends his free time with Paul Bunyan.

No, Grant Fanning doesn’t wish to share his footballs.  Get your own.

Jason Lindauer keeps a close eye on his players.

Chelsea, on the other hand, came into the game at 6-1 with plenty of confidence after two big wins over Adrian and Pioneer, two of the SEC’s strongest teams; those wins put the Bulldogs not just in the playoffs for the tenth straight year, but also in prime position to lock up another SEC championship with a win over the lowly Indians.  Of course, to secure that championship, Chelsea first had to contend with Tecumseh’s infamous Group Hug offense, which almost always starts with a formation that looks something like this:

As you can imagine, the offense is a nightmare for photographers, spotters and anyone else who has any interest in seeing something other than a roiling mass of 22 bodies.  So … really, anyone who has the blessing of sight.  But they still let Tecumseh use the offense anyway, so I had to try to get some pictures anyway.  Oh, and Chelsea had to try to stop Tecumseh, too.

Given the markedly different records of the teams, the common assumption was that Chelsea would win, and the beginning of the game seemed to confirm that assumption.  The Bulldogs received the opening kickoff and staged a quick three-play scoring drive capped by a 19-yard touchdown run by Nick Hill; the extra point failed, but Chelsea still had a lead, and clinical studies have shown that leads are good.  On the resulting kickoff, the Tecumseh return man let the ball hit the ground; as strange oblong objects are wont to do, it took an unexpected bounce, and Chelsea recovered the ball inside the 20.  The Bulldogs had to work a little harder this time, but Michael Roberts finally took the ball in from the one, and a successful extra point gave Chelsea a 13-point lead.

Michael Roberts doesn’t mind crowds.

This is how most Tecumseh plays end up.

Jake Mantel: the new jungle gym.

Tecumseh actually fielded the next kickoff, and the Group Hug showed signs of awakening; however, the affection ended on an incomplete fourth down pass just inside the Chelsea 40.  The Bulldogs started the drive well enough with a 16-yard run by Hill, but there was a fumble two plays later, and Tecumseh took the ball and ran with it because … well, that’s pretty much all the Tecumseh offense does, you know.  On fourth and five, the Indians decided to forgo the first down in favor of a 36-yard touchdown run; since there seems to be some sort of shortage of kickers in the Tecumseh area, they went for two, and Chelsea’s lead was down to 5.

The Bulldogs really truly wanted to offset Tecumseh’s touchdown with one of their own, but a three and out put a stop to those plans, and the Indians had the nerve to drive for another touchdown.  Another two-point conversion gave Tecumseh a 16-13 lead — its first of the game — and the Bulldogs were wondering why this game wasn’t going as planned.  It got better when Chelsea responded with a touchdown drive of its own — punctuated by a 16-yard pass to Michael Lenneman — and the Bulldogs regained the lead with two minutes to play in the first half.  The Indians, despite their Three Yards And A Cloud Of Ennui offense whose touchdown drives typically take two years, managed to move briskly down the field and inside the 10, but they couldn’t put the ball in the end zone; furthermore, their complete lack of a kicking game came back to haunt them as they settled for no points as the half ended.  The Bulldogs took a 20-16 lead into the locker room and hoped the second half would be more what they expected and less Tecumseh-y.

If you’re not careful, Joe Tripodi will go all Big Ten on you.
I’ve heard of a standing ovation, but what does a standing arm-cross mean?

Those hopes began to come true when Chelsea recovered a Tecumseh fumble and quickly moved the ball inside the five.  But the Bulldog offense couldn’t finish the drive, and after a sack on fourth down, Tecumseh took over at its own twelve.  Failing to score after having a first and goal always hurts, but it hurts even more when the other team gets all excited and takes the touchdown you thought you were going to get.  And it hurts even more when that touchdown comes on a huge 92-yard pass that comes on third and 14, which is exactly how Tecumseh scored after stopping Chelsea.  The two-point conversion failed, but Tecumseh still took a 22-20 lead, and the Bulldogs wondered if maybe a clerical error had given a 2-5 record to the wrong team.

George Clark doesn’t like playing from behind.

Why yes, Chris Ballow would love to dance.  How about the Touchdown Tango?

Okay, that’s just not fair.

Chelsea’s next drive went nowhere special, but that was okay: shortly after the punt, Tecumseh generously proceeded to throw a pass to Scott Rhodes, who definitely doesn’t play for the Indians.  The Bulldogs made that miscue count for plenty, too, as they drove down the field and scored on a 26-yard touchdown pass to Chris Ballow.  Chelsea’s two-point conversion — which was entirely for strategical and mathematical reasons, and not due to any weakness in the kicking game — failed, but with ten minutes to play, the lead was finally back in the right paws.

A touchback on the kickoff put Tecumseh at its own 20, and the Indians embarked on a quest to counter Chelsea’s touchdown.  A long quest.  Really, really long.  Seriously, it was crazy long.  The Bulldogs forced three fourth downs on that quest, but the Indians converted every last one of them, and after an eternal possession — well, it was eight minutes, but it seemed eternal — they scored to take a 28-26 lead with 1:45 to play.  Chelsea desperately needed a spark to have a chance to win the game, and Hill provided such a spark by returning the ball nearly to midfield; however, a few plays later, Tecumseh grabbed an interception of its own, and all Chelsea could do was watch the clock run down on a 26-28 loss.

Leftovers:

• When Chelsea has a bad week, it really has a bad week: all three levels lost to Tecumseh.  And the varsity and JV teams suffered similar lengthy-fourth-quarter-game-winning-touchdown-drive fates.
• After two consecutive school record-setting games, Nick Hill settled down a bit, rushing for 158 yards and one touchdown on 26 carries.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Kicking Mules of Bedford; the game is in Chelsea on Friday at 7:00.

Freshmen: d.  by Pioneer 12-56
JV: d. Pioneer 31-27

Varsity 2008 record: 6-1 (5-1 SEC)

After beating the #2 Adrian Maples, Chelsea continued its 2008 Tour Of Single-Digit Teams with the #9 Ann Arbor Pioneering Pioneers of Pioneer.  The teams came into the game remarkably evenly matched: Chelsea was 5-1, its record marred only by a 14-34 loss to Saline; Pioneer, too, was 5-1, its record marred only by a 3-21 loss to Adrian.  Naturally, those losses provided a clear and indisputable clue as to the better team:

• Chelsea beat Adrian; Adrian beat Pioneer; therefore, Chelsea > Pioneer.

Of course:

• Pioneer beat Saline; Saline beat Chelsea; therefore, Pioneer > Chelsea.

Uh … so yeah, like I said, the teams came into the game remarkably evenly matched, and I don’t know anyone who would use foolishly compartmentalized comparisons to divine a hint of superiority in one of the teams.  Do you know anyone who would do that?  No, of course you don’t.

That’s the strangest pushup I’ve ever seen.

Kyle Whitley demonstrates the “Superhero Riding On Top Of A Moving Vehicle” pose.

Anyway, with the teams being so evenly matched and so prone to winning, the game promised to be a rollicking riot of football entertainment.  That entertainment would include Pioneer’s own Studly Stud McStuderson, Nader Furrha, another Donovan McNabby sort of quarterback fond of running around, throwing around and winning around; of course, Chelsea would be countering with Nick Hill, who set a school record a week earlier with 312 rushing yards against an Adrian defense not noted for giving up school records.  In other words, barring miraculous defensive performances, the best description of the evening was bound to be the same as the best description of the Adrian game: “Whee!”  (For those with a more defensive perspective, a better description would be “What just happened, and why is the referee holding his arms up in the air like that?”  But thanks to TV’s effect on sports — Ratings are down!  Change the rules so there’s more scoring! — defense just isn’t cool anymore.)

Jake Hash probably doesn’t have any cell reception right now.

“I don’t care what you say; I’m not going to sing the national anthem.”

It didn’t take long for that description to become accurate; in fact, it didn’t take any time at all.  A2P3’s kickoff sailed into the end zone for a touchback — which meant the clock didn’t run — and on the very next play, Hill broke free for a 58-yard gain; a few plays later, Michael Roberts took the ball into the end zone.  Pioneer’s first drive ended in a punt, and Chelsea continued its freewheeling ways with another touchdown by Roberts; not quite eight minutes into the game, Chelsea had a pleasantly surprising 14-point lead and one burning question: would it last?

“I know they do that in spy movies to see if anyone’s following them, but … well, this isn’t a spy movie, Michael.”

Well … given the talent level of the Fighting Purple Redundancies, of course it wouldn’t last.  Pioneer drove the ball 80 yards to cut Chelsea’s lead in half at the end of the first quarter — no, really, they scored with no time on the clock — and, after forcing Chelsea into a three and out, blocked Roberts’ punt and recovered the ball for another touchdown.  Just like that, even faster than Chelsea had put up its 14-point lead, Pioneer had erased it, and the game was far too exciting again.

Pioneer’s surge didn’t last long, though; after a 43-yard Michael Lenneman kickoff return set up Chelsea near midfield, the Bulldogs leaned heavily on Hill’s shoulders — five out of six plays featured Hill — as they drove for a touchdown to retake the lead.  Pioneer went back to its punting ways, and Chelsea continued its scoring ways, this time with a 14-yard touchdown pass from Roberts to Lenneman; the Bulldogs’ lead was back to 14, but that whole 14-Purple-points-in-under-a-minute thing back there in that last paragraph didn’t make me confident that this lead would last much longer.  But it did last the final few minutes of the first half — Pioneer traveled into Chelsea territory but couldn’t score before the half ended — so that’s something, anyway.

Randy Cox, apparently delirious over Chelsea’s 14-point halftime lead, forgets that Joel Boyce is actually his teammate.  And that it’s still halftime.

Neither rain nor hail nor dark of night nor offensive linemen shall keep Kevin Rosentreter from the quarterback.

It didn’t take long for half the lead to disappear pretty quickly after halftime; Pioneer received the kickoff, and on first down, Furrha got all McNabby with a 71-yard touchdown run.  Chelsea made an effort to respond, but Roberts’ 37-yard field goal attempt fell short, and Chelsea’s lead was still only seven points.  The Pioneers really truly wanted to tie the score, but they soon had to punt the ball away; however, though the Bulldogs managed to drive inside the 20, they couldn’t extend their lead at all, and the Pioneers got another chance to tie the score.  This time, they succeeded … but then they failed.  That may sound confusing, but it’s really quite simple; they drove 88 yards for a touchdown, but they missed one important detail: the extra point.  The wayward kick kept Pioneer in a one-point hole, and with six minutes to go in the game, that little detail seemed maybe sort of kind of a little important.

Dakota Risner has plans for you, and they don’t involve Michael Roberts or the football.

Feel the love!  Also, the turf.

Still, as important as that detail may have been, it wasn’t a big enough to detail to give Chelsea much peace of mind; a one-point lead can disappear in a hurry, so to minimize the worry and maximize the peace of mind, the Bulldogs wanted to score, and they wanted to drain as much time as they could in the process.  How do you do that?  By running the ball!  And who had already carried the ball 34 times for over 250 yards?  Why, Nick Hill!  So, when Chelsea faced a key third and one, the coaches decided to give the ball to the ever-reliable Hill, and that decision worked out pretty well: instead of simply gaining the short yardage necessary for the first down, Hill responded with a remarkable 42-yard run that brought the Chelsea crowd to its feet.  Why was it remarkable?  Well, take a look:

Hill broke through the left side of the line…

…and absorbed a big hit.

But Hill’s feet weren’t planted when he was hit, and the hit was low enough that it only knocked his feet out from under him.

So Hill put his hand out to keep from going down, got his feet back on the ground…

…and took off running as the defense said, “Wait … what?”

That run got the Chelsea offense all excited, and several plays later, Hill finished the drive by taking the ball in from the four.  After Roberts made the extra point, Chelsea had a much more comforting eight-point lead with two minutes to go; that little detail of the missed extra point now loomed extra large and purply for the Pioneers: even if they scored a touchdown, they’d have to go for two just to tie the game.  For a while, it looked like Pioneer might have a chance to go for two; Furrha threw the ball all over the field and managed to get the Pioneers inside the 10 with just under a minute to go.  But a sack and two incomplete passes — the last on fourth down — ended Pioneer’s hopes of a comeback, and Chelsea had only to kneel down once to finalize a 35-27 victory.

All he said was, “If you want to go to Kilwin’s, raise your helmet!”

With a smile like that, you’d think he just set a school record in a hard-fought victory or something.

Leftovers:

• Remember that school record Hill set against Adrian?  It lasted all of one week.  Hill rushed 40 times for 340 yards and two touchdowns to surpass his previous record by 28 yards.  That brought his two-week total to 662 yards rushing and 6 touchdowns on 64 carries.
• Pioneer’s failure to score at the end of the first half was punctuated by a bizarre sequence of events.  Coming out of its last timeout with 19 seconds left, Pioneer faced a third and 5; Furrha was sacked, and with no way to stop the clock, Pioneer was forced to rush to the line to get off one more play before time expired.  One of the Chelsea linemen had lost his shoe on third down, and in the rush between plays, he had no time to put it back on; instead, he threw his shoe as far down the field as he could before the snap.  The sight of an object flying out of the line confused a lot of people, but the Pioneer center snapped the ball anyway; somewhere around the same time as the snap, somebody — presumably the referee — blew a whistle for some unknown reason.  At the sound of the whistle, everybody — including Furrha holding the ball in the backfield — stopped and looked at the referee.  Though everyone had heard a whistle, the referee yelled at the players to continue the play, and one of the Chelsea linemen obliged by tackling Furrha to end the play.  Understandably, the Pioneer coaches were miffed, but the play stood, and that’s how the half ended.
• The Bulldogs were very good on third downs against Pioneer, converting them 70% of the time (7 of 10).
• It seems the Pioneer press box staff wasn’t too fond of the final score; before I could get the usual shot of the scoreboard, they turned it off, so all I could get was a shot of the blank scoreboard.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Indians of Tecumseh; the game is in Chelsea on Friday at 7:00.

Freshmen: d. by Adrian 11-24
JV: d. Adrian 23-20

Varsity 2008 record: 5-1 (4-1 SEC)

Week 6 presented the world — well, southeastern Michigan, anyway — with a marquee SEC matchup: the Chelsea Bulldogs vs. the Adrian Maples.  Chelsea was 4-1, with its only loss being an ugly performance against Saline; Adrian was 5-0 with a string of impressive wins.  Chelsea was the reigning SEC champion with another talented team vying for another conference title; Adrian had its best team in years and, with the game at its stadium, an excellent chance to dethrone the Bulldogs and take their place atop the conference.

“Hey … why am I the only one without a helmet?”

Clearly, Grant Fanning has a magnetic personality.

In another bizarre coincidence, everyone on the team hurt an ankle at the same time.

As if all that wasn’t enough to give the Bulldogs cause for concern, the Fighting Deciduous Trees came into the game ranked #2; this meant that while Chelsea’s on-field personnel included fairly typical nomenclature like quarterback, tight end, linebacker and safety, Adrian’s was a bit different.  Through my sources, I have obtained a chart of the thoroughly intimidating offensive personnel Adrian used to attain its lofty ranking:

It probably goes without saying that victory is always difficult against a team that can field 22 positions of awesome.  But you still have to play the game, and that’s exactly what Chelsea and Adrian did.

The Bulldogs received the ball first, and after a set of consistently positive plays that got the ball to the Adrian 40, Michael Roberts lofted a deep pass down the middle of the field; Michael Lenneman, having somehow gotten maybe just kind of a little bit open, was under the pass when it came back to earth, and he strode into the end zone untouched.  The whole drive seemed a bit easier than expected, but nobody on the east sideline was complaining, and Roberts’ extra point gave Chelsea a 7-0 lead.  But that lead didn’t last long: after Chelsea quickly forced Adrian into a fourth and one, Adrian decided to gain not just one yard for the first down, but 60 yards for the touchdown.

With score tied at 7, Chelsea took over at its own 15 and promptly went backwards, ending up with a fourth and 14.  The Tasty Syrup Producers returned the punt to Chelsea’s 30 and were pretty excited about their great field position … until they realized that they probably should have paid attention in math class that day: there had been a little bit too much deciduousness on the field, and there was a flag on the play for twelve men on the field.  The 15-yard penalty gave Chelsea a first down, and the Bulldogs marched into Adrian territory as the first quarter came to a close.

It seems the defense rested.

The Adrian ballcarrier is beginning to grasp the gravity of the situation.

The second quarter opened with Chelsea failing to convert a third and ten, and the Bulldogs had to settle for a 43-yard field goal to retake the lead.  This, of course, didn’t sit well with Adrian, and a few minutes later a 25-yard field goal to once again tie the score.  It was then that the defenses decided they wanted to have a voice in the game: Adrian held Chelsea to a three and out, and two plays later, Chelsea responded by forcing a fumble at the Adrian 19.  Two plays later, Chelsea had first and goal, but the Adrian defense again stood firm, and Chelsea again settled for a field goal to take another three-point lead with 42 seconds left in the half.

Chelsea’s kickoff sailed into the end zone, and Chelsea looked to have a good chance to take its lead into the locker room.  But then on Adrian’s next snap, Nick Galvan had the audacity to take a simple handoff 80 yards for a touchdown, and all of a sudden, Chelsea’s lead was a lot less leady.  That was an unpleasant twist at the end of the first half, but there was a whole second half to counteract that, right?  Well … yeah, but it turns out the half wasn’t over just yet.  See, there were still 30 seconds left, and the Bulldogs weren’t really content to let the half end without a little more excitement; on its first snap, the Chelsea offense put together a beautiful hook and ladder play — Roberts threw a short pass to Lenneman, who immediately pitched the ball to Nick Hill, who ran and ran and ran and ran — and 66 yards later, Chelsea had its lead back.  That really was the last score of the first half — seriously! — and the teams took a break to recover from the hilariously frenetic last 42 seconds of the second quarter.

“Anybody want anything from Jimmy John’s?  I have the menu right here.”

This picture features the defensive strategy known as “Group Hug!”

Adrian received the ball to start the second half, but the Majestic Symbols of Canadian Majesty could manage nothing more than a three and out; in contrast, the Chelsea offense took the field and, like its last drive of the first half, immediately put together a one and WOOOOO!: on first down, Hill took the ball 54 yards for a touchdown to give Chelsea a 10-point lead.  Again, this didn’t sit well with Adrian: 80 yards and two minutes later, Chelsea’s lead was back to three, and the game’s stress level was back to I’m Glad There’s An Ambulance Here heights.

No, Adrian, fourth down is not the new first down.

If you put a 1 between the 3 and the 2 on his jersey, you get a school record.

As they did in the first half, the defenses decided to make another appearance, and the teams put together a string of six consecutive three and outs — three by Adrian and three by Chelsea, one of which ended with a missed 51-yard field goal attempt — that took the rest of the third quarter.  The parade of punts came to an end early in the fourth quarter when Hill fumbled a Maple punt, and Adrian took full advantage of that mistake by marching down the field and scoring a touchdown to take their first lead since late in the second quarter.  Of course, that lead lasted all of 16 seconds, and the Maples were determined to make this lead last a bit longer; in most games, that would be a realistic — even easy — goal.  However, as the end of the first half proved, this game was not most games, and Adrian could not meet its goal: twelve seconds after the Maples scored, Hill took the ball 69 yards for another touchdown to give Chelsea a 34-31 lead.

Without Michael Roberts’ teleportation abilities, this wouldn’t end well.

When George Clark wants you to fall down, you’d better fall down.

Adrian started its next drive with an illegal procedure penalty, and it didn’t get any better from there: after one first down, the Maples fumbled the ball at their own 10, and Chelsea took over with a chance to introduce a bit of desperation into Adrian’s demeanor.  But the Adrian defense, boldly risking an onslaught of scads of tree-based puns about being firmly rooted, held Chelsea out of the end zone, and the Bulldogs lined up for a field goal; however, the kick sailed wide right, and Adrian still had nearly five minutes to erase the deficit.  And given the number of big plays that littered the game summary to that point, they might have done it … but Dakota Cooley wasn’t really in the mood to see that happen, so he intercepted an Adrian pass at midfield with just over two and a half minutes to play.

With a slim lead late in the fourth, Chelsea’s primary goal was to run out the clock.  It was a good goal, too, but it didn’t really work out — not because Adrian made a big stop, but because Adrian didn’t make a big stop: for the third time in the game, Chelsea put together a one and WOOOOO! when Hill took the ball 49 yards for a touchdown.  Hill’s score — his fourth of the game — gave Chelsea a ten-point lead with two and a half minutes to play, and that was more than enough; Adrian went four and out on its last possession, and Chelsea had only to kneel down to seal a thrilling 41-31 victory.

When Chelsea people get excited, they get blurry.

Leftovers

• Thanks in large part to his long-distance touchdown runs — his four touchdowns covered 62, 54, 69 and 49 yards — Nick Hill set a school record with 24 rushes for 312 yards.  So, if Hill had given the Gettysburg Address after the game, he might have started by saying, “Four score and 312 yards ago…”
• Full photo gallery.

Next Week:
Chelsea faces the Pioneering Pioneers of Pioneer; the game is on Friday in Ann Arbor at 7:00.

Freshmen: d. Dexter 43-22
JV: d. Dexter 28-10

Varsity 2008 record: 5-1 (3-1 SEC)

Dexter’s role in Chelsea’s football rivalry list is simple to define:

If:
Saline : Chelsea :: Ohio State : Michigan
Then:
Dexter : Chelsea :: Michigan State : Michigan

In other words, Chelsea wins a lot of football games, and Dexter wins things that aren’t football games and thus are hollow victories filled with the whipped cream of frustration (which, of course, is far inferior to the custard of fulfillment).  But despite the Bulldogs’ twelve-game winning streak and Dexter’s moribund 2008 record, Chelsea had only to remember the two prior games against Dexter — a terrifying last-minute come-from-behind win in 2006 and a close but somewhat less terrifying victory in 2008 — to avoid any fatally casual assumptions of victory in 2008.  (The memory of that Saline debacle a few weeks ago probably helps with motivation, too.  Who wants to see that again?  Only people who kick puppies, that’s who.)

Dexter won the toss and elected to kick, and a few seconds into the game, Chelsea fans thought they had reason to be nervous: the kick hit the ground in front of Nick Hill and bounced through his legs down inside the 10 yard line.  Hill, of course, was compelled to pick up the ball, but he did so with a Dexter defender closing in fast, and it looked like the Chelsea offense was going to have plenty of ground to cover.  But with a quick spritz of Eau de See You Later and a few helpful blocks along the way, Hill eluded not just the first defender but also the other ten defenders, and 92 yards later, the Dreadnaughts were trying to figure out how they got to be on the wrong end of a 7-0 score.  (The short answer: Nick Hill.  No, I’m not saying he’s short; I’m just … oh, never mind.)

Jake Mantel enjoys blocked field goals and long walks into the end zone.

Clearly, Dexter fears Colton Waterbury.

You want to try to go through Riley Feeney?  Well … it’s your funeral.

The Dexter offense searched for an answer to that question, but all it found was a loss of three yards and a three and out; Chelsea took possession on the happy side of the 50 and quickly moved inside the Dexter 10 thanks to an all-Michael 34-yard pass (Roberts to Lenneman).  Roberts also threw a touchdown pass to Brett Everding on fourth and goal, but a penalty erased that play and moved the Bulldogs back to the 10; another penalty moved them back to the 15, and they lined up for a field goal.  The field goal was blocked, but Jake Mantel picked up the ball and ran it into the end zone; after a brief conference (during which they were serenaded by accurate advice from Chelsea coach Brad Bush), the officials correctly called it a touchdown: since the ball stayed behind the line of scrimmage, it could be advanced by the kicking team.  The extra point failed, but Chelsea was up 13-0, and everything seemed to be going the Bulldogs’ way.

Another three and out again handed Chelsea excellent field position, but Dexter sacked Roberts and forced a fumble; however, for the third time in three possessions, all the Dreadnaughts could do was go three and out.  Also for the third consecutive possession, Chelsea started in Dexter territory, and the offense again took full advantage of its field position; a few plays later, a 1-yard Hill touchdown run pushed Chelsea’s lead to 20.  Thanks to a fumble on the kickoff return, Dexter’s offense didn’t even get a chance to get started, and Chelsea had one of the shortest fields in the history of short fields: the Bulldogs recovered the ball at the Dexter 2.  Hill took the two-yard journey on the next play, and Chelsea had its fourth touchdown of the first quarter.

Don’t worry; that’s Steven O’Keefe’s helmet coming off, not his head.

“Nick, I said ‘Touchdowns score six,’ not ‘Score six touchdowns.'”

He’s sorry; Nick isn’t available at this time.  But he’d be happy to take a message.

The Dreadnaughts finally gained a first down late in the first quarter, and they followed that up with another first down at the beginning of the second quarter.  But all those warm fuzzies disappeared when Dexter fumbled the ball way, way back and Chelsea way, way recovered. Randy Cox came in at quarterback and declared it the Official Drive of Brett Everding; the drive lasted two plays, both of which were passes to Everding and the second of which ended up in the end zone.  Another Dexter three and out led to a Cox touchdown pass to Mantel — he of blocked field goal touchdown fame — and with just over two minutes to go in the first half, Chelsea led 40-0.  Dexter’s last possession of the first half produced only a punt, but it did accomplish something: for the first time in the game, Chelsea started a drive in its own territory; the half ended before the Bulldogs could score, but … well, it’s not like they needed the points, right?

Arm tackles: failing to bring down Nick Hill since 2006.

Steven O’Keefe was voted Most Likely To Be Pursued By The Entire Town Of Dexter.

To start the second half, Dexter completed only one pass on its opening drive; however, that pass went for 73 yards, which just so happened to be the distance to the end zone.  The two-point conversion failed, but the quick touchdown narrowed the gap to 34; this meant that a mere 48 seconds after the running clock started, it stopped.  Chelsea quickly responded by fumbling the ball away on its first offensive play of the second half (hey, not every response is a good one); however, a quick four and out meant Dexter didn’t make the Bulldogs pay for that mistake. But Chelsea didn’t make Dexter pay for not making Chelsea pay, and after a 0-yard punt (yes, that’s zero), Dexter took over on the Chelsea 45.  This time, Dexter did make Chelsea pay for not making Dexter pay for not making Chelsea pay for not making Dexter pay: the Dreadnaughts again put the ball in the air on first down, and again, it didn’t hit the ground until after the receiver crossed the goal line.  The two-point conversion failed, but Chelsea’s lead was down to 28.

Tom LaFleur runs a diagnostic check on Bionic Coburn.

No, Jeff Minzey doesn’t have time to sign autographs right now.

Bush, apparently noticing that Dexter wasn’t being a cooperative victim, sent out his first-team offense to set things right, and Steven O’Keefe capped a 77-yard drive with a 7-yard touchdown run to bring Chelsea’s lead back to 35; Dexter quickly drove into Chelsea territory on its next drive, but a fumble brought that insurrection to a halt, and that was the last time the Dreadnaughts threatened to alter the scoreboard.  The Bulldog offense didn’t score again, but it held onto the ball long enough — nine and a half minutes, aided by the running clock — to make Dexter’s final possession effectively irrelevant; the Dreadnaughts traveled 46 yards but gained nothing, and when Dexter turned over the ball with only 16 seconds left, Chelsea had only to watch the clock run down to zero to seal a 47-12 victory.

Leftovers:

• I hinted at it in the recap, but it’s worth spelling out: Chelsea’s first six drives started in Dexter territory, and the Chelsea offense didn’t take a snap in its own territory until late in the second quarter.  (Actually, nobody took a snap in Chelsea territory until Dexter crossed midfield early in the second quarter.)  Thanks to that, Chelsea’s average starting position was its own 49.
• Michael Roberts was a perfect 5 for 5 passing for 109 yards.  Oh, and Randy Cox was 6 for 6 for 98 yards.  Also, Dakota Cooley was 4 for 4 for 35 yards.  That’s right: Chelsea’s three quarterbacks were a perfect 15 for 15.

Next Week:
Chelsea faces the Maples of Adrian; the game is on Friday in Adrian at 7:00.

Freshmen: d. Lincoln 33-12
JV: d. Lincoln 67-0

Varsity 2008 record: 3-1 (2-1 SEC)

After the Series of Unfortunate Events that was Chelsea’s week three game against Saline, the Bulldogs came into week four looking to put that chapter of the season to rest.  And when I say “put that chapter of the season to rest,” I mean “utilize the anger-management methods of B.A. Baracus and the Incredible Hulk on a hapless opponent.”  There were no happy faces after the astonishingly lopsided loss to Saline, and nobody — not even Lemony Snicket — wanted to see that happen again.  Ever.  Ever ever.  However, despite Chelsea’s immense motivation, there was still an obstacle standing between the Bulldogs and the soothing salve of victory: the Lincoln Railsplitters.

Here in Chelsea, we like our pylons big and our football players bigger.

We are the knights who say knee (injury)!

It was a banner day for Corey Mantel.

There have been many years in which the Railsplitters couldn’t be considered any sort of obstacle — the woes of the Lincoln football program were detailed in this space last year — but 2008 presented a very good reason not to overlook Lincoln, and that reason was named Andrew Dillon.  In Lincoln’s 2007 game against Chelsea, Dillon showed a disconcerting amount of ability to get all Donovan McNabby on a defense (and if there’s anything that can give heartburn to a Michigan fan, it’s the thought of McNabb at Syracuse).  My trepidation level for this year’s game against Lincoln only increased when the Railsplitters opened the season by demolishing Tecumseh — giving Lincoln its first football victory in nearly four years — and, two weeks later, were within one point of the Pioneering Pioneers of Pioneer in the fourth quarter; suddenly, with Dillon’s eleventy billion yards and eighty hundred touchdowns giving the Railsplitters new hope, this, it seemed, was not your older brother’s Lincoln.

Modern conventional football wisdom says that if given the opportunity, most teams not named the Texas Tech Red Raiders — I think they actually do gain eleventy billion yards each game — should choose to kick the ball to start the game; however, in a bold declaration of an intent to score points like dead Chicago residents used to vote — early and often — Chelsea chose to receive the opening kickoff.  That bold intent had to wait, though, as Chelsea managed to gain two first downs but couldn’t convert a fourth down inside Lincoln’s 30; the Railsplitters took possession and, to the dismay of the defense, began to move the ball with surprising efficiency.  But they, too, failed to convert a fourth down, and a once-promising drive ended with no points.

Somebody must have planted cheerleader seeds.

You can look, but you can’t touch.

Well, at least he got the pass away.

Chelsea’s next drive was an episode of the hit show Nick Hill & Friends, as Hill carried the ball on every play of the three-play drive; he used a 30-yard touchdown run to finish what he started, and Chelsea took a 7-0 lead.  On its possession, Lincoln proceeded to lose 14 yards before punting, and Chelsea responded with another quick three-play drive; this time, Brett Everding took a Michael Roberts pass 50 yards to the end zone, and the Cook County voting was on like Donkey Kong (who probably was registered to vote in Cook County at some point).

At the start of the second quarter, the Lincoln offense showed slight improvement by gaining a first down; however, that improvement disappeared when it started moving backwards and ended up with a net negative of four yards on the drive.  A Lincoln unsportsmanlike conduct penalty after the punt gave Chelsea the ball inside the Lincoln 30, and the general assumption was that Chelsea would score in short order; however, that assumption wasn’t a four-star general, and Chelsea came away empty-handed thanks to a lost fumble.

I would say Lincoln averted disaster with that fumble recovery, but … well, given the remarkably severe struggles of the Railsplitter offense, averting disaster probably wasn’t an option anymore; the best remaining option was probably a call to FEMA.  This was confirmed when, on an already dire third and long situation, Lincoln lost another 22 yards, setting up a punt on fourth and 33 from its own nine yard line.  Hill called for a fair catch at the Lincoln 42, and after an unusually long drive — four plays this time — Hill took it in for his second touchdown, and Chelsea was cruising with a 21-0 lead.

Strangers in the night … exchanging glances … while one is on his way to the end zone …

“No, coach, I won’t penalize them for unsportsmanlike fashion.”

The Hulkster thinks that was a penalty, brother.

The Lincoln offense continued its tepid ways with another short drive consisting of one first down and a punt, and the Chelsea offense continued its impatient ways with its shortest drive of the game: on the first play of the drive, Everding caught a Roberts pass and took it 40 yards for his second touchdown of the game.  In the last four and a half minutes of the first half, Lincoln had two possessions and Chelsea had one; however, neither offense produced points — though Roberts did launch a 57-yard punt under pressure — and the first half ended with Chelsea holding a 28-0 lead.

Because of Chelsea’s bold declaration at the beginning of the game, Lincoln got the ball to start the second half, and the inevitable happened: Dillon started throwing the ball all over the field, and his receivers started catching it all over the field.  All of a sudden, Lincoln was moving the ball, and it looked like the Bulldogs might have to work a bit more in the second half than they had in the first.  But a sack helped bring the drive to an end, and at the end of yet another three-play drive, Hill took the ball for a 35-yard ride into the end zone for his third touchdown of the day and a 35-0 Chelsea lead.

Is Riley Feeney’s right shoulder really detachable?  That could be useful.

Jake Powell’s looking at you, kid.

This little piggy went to market…

Though there were nearly 19 minutes left to play, the game was effectively out of hand; Chelsea’s five scoring drives had averaged just under three plays per drive, so maintaining a comfortable lead wouldn’t be a problem for the Bulldogs.  But Lincoln still had life left, and the Railsplitter offense proved as much by putting together an 80-yard scoring drive — built on Dillon’s 4-for-4 passing performance — and with a successful two-point conversion, Lincoln narrowed Chelsea’s lead to 35-8.

Chelsea’s second-team offense took the field and proceeded to drive into Lincoln territory with little difficulty; however, one minute into the fourth quarter, the offense fumbled the ball away.  But whatever offensive magic Lincoln had used over the last two drives was long gone, and the Chelsea defense forced Lincoln into a three and out.  The Railsplitters lined up to punt, but the Chelsea defense, in a fit of mischief, broke through the line and blocked Dillon’s punt, and Chelsea took over on the Lincoln 15.  And can you guess how many plays it took Chelsea to score?  That’s right: yet again, it took three plays, the last of which was a Jake Powell three-yard touchdown run.

Wait … are you telling me they’re not high school football players?

Life didn’t get any better for Lincoln, as the Railsplitters fumbled the ball on the first play of their drive; however, Chelsea went four and out and gave the ball right back.  Lincoln started to move the ball again, but the drive stalled at the Chelsea 25, and the Bulldogs took over with three and a half minutes to play; three first downs later, the clock was all zeros, and Chelsea had a 42-8 victory.

Leftovers:

• Dillon had a rough evening; he finished with 181 yards passing, but those came in fits and starts, and he also finished with with a frigid rushing total of 56 below zero.
• If you think all Brett Everding did was catch touchdown passes, you’re right: he had two catches for 90 yards and two touchdowns.
• Nick Hill, apparently determined to make up for lost time, contributed 145 yards and 3 touchdowns.
• Speaking of making up for lost time: Scott Rhodes had six solo tackles against Lincoln; that brings his three-game total to 13 solo tackles and 4 assisted tackles.
• None of Chelsea’s six scoring drives took more than four plays, and none was longer than 1:05.
• As shown in the picture at the beginning of this recap, the players wrote “R.I.P. 65” on their eye black stickers as a tribute to Ben Rodgers, a former Bulldog who was recently killed in a car accident.

Next week:
Chelsea faces the Dreadnaughts of Dexter; the game is in Chelsea on Friday at 7:00.  You don’t really want to miss a Chelsea/Dexter game, do you?  No, I didn’t think so.